A Man’s Guide To Freezing Your Eggs

Why Is Everyone Talking About Eggs?

Eggs have become such a hot-button issue in our society. Are they good for you? Do they have too much cholesterol? How runny is over-medium supposed to be? And most importantly, as I’ve recently gathered from hushed conversations in coffee shops that I had to strain to barely eavesdrop on, should you freeze them?

This debate hit home for me last weekend, when I had new friends from the library over for brunch. When I brought my carton of eggs out, Braylin took one look and asked “Are those cage free?” Tabitha chimed in “I actually only eat organic brown eggs.” In a panic, I ran to the corner store and spent way too much on organic, cage-free eggs to impress my new friends. Once that faux pas was handled, the brunch went great—my soufflé killed—but I still had all these leftover eggs. The facts are simple: I don’t have an unlimited egg budget, so when I still have three eggs in my refrigerator, I can’t throw them away like some rich guy. As I began thinking about my life, my finances, and what I wanted to accomplish, I had to consider freezing my eggs.

What to Consider When Deciding to Freeze Your Eggs

What’s Your Egg Budget?

Egg budget can vary from person to person and change drastically based on life circumstances, but it’s the cornerstone of household finances. DO NOT buy another basket of eggs before setting your budget. Once it’s set, there’s no excuse for frivolous egg spending, so never throw away eggs that are still good.

Is There Even a Chance Those Eggs Are Going to Stink?

No one wants to eat your stinky eggs, so get on down there and smell them. Close your eyes and really focus on the scent. Do you smell anything at all? If you do, stop everything you’re doing and throw those eggs in the trashcan. This is the worst-case scenario. Now you can’t eat those eggs or freeze them. If you smell nothing, but you’re still getting close to the sell-by date, those eggs are asking for a date with the freezer.

How Much Freezer Space Do You Have?

A lot of freezer space means you can freeze a lot of eggs. Neighborly tip: If you have extra space, offer to freeze your friends’ eggs, too.

Once you’ve made the decision to freeze your eggs, the next step is taking the plunge and moving them from the refrigerator to the freezer. Those eggs are going to stay preserved for a long, long time in there.

Unfreezing Your Eggs

When you’re ready to use your frozen eggs, simply take them out and run them under warm water for a few minutes. I’m not sure if they’re going to taste the same since I haven’t thawed any of my frozen eggs yet, but they definitely won’t be rotten. Just remember good eggtiquette: If you’re making eggs for a friend or lending them to a neighbor, always tell them if the eggs have been previously frozen. People are expecting fresh eggs.

Voila! You no longer have to worry about wasting eggs when you’re on a budget. Take it from someone who’s done it once: Freezing your eggs is the responsible thing to do.

Wait. Women are freezing their people eggs? That’s what that whole thing is about? Oh, fuck me. Craig, you’re fired again.

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