How To Talk To Your Kids About Skeletons Trying To Steal Your Treasure
It’s a sad truth that any normal family who keeps a large pile of gold and precious gems in their home is going to attract skeletons. It’s perfectly natural for…
Check Out These Cleaning Tricks Your Maid Should Really Know How To Do Already
Admit it---nothing stresses you out like keeping a tidy home. From family to friends, working out to wealth management, it’s hard to find the time to keep everything spick and…
Compliments I Imagine You’ll Receive About This Fleshlight That’s Cleverly Disguised As A Gold Necklace
As a man, I believe it’s unfair for any woman to have fun that I cannot partake in myself. That’s why I’m the reason all the local bars that offer…
I Deserve The Right To Breastfeed My Snakes In Public
Sometimes when I breastfeed in public, ignorant store owners or cops feel the need to stop me instead of dealing with their own weird hangups. Breastfeeding is beautiful and natural.…
Bunny Ears Podcast 41: LIST-O-MANIA (Annotated)
Hello Warren; it’s me, Matt Cohen. Yes- THAT Matt Cohen. Wait- not that one… the other one. Hi. This week, Stewart P Miller from Columbus Ohio joined Mack and myself…
The Beginner’s Guide To England’s Regional Butthole Slang
Welcome to The Beginner’s Guide, our recurring series where our experts provide everything you need to know about your new endeavor, regardless of what it is. This week, we’ll be…
People Always Told Me I Couldn’t Start My Own Bee Farm, So I Proved Them Right
People always told me there was no way I’d ever be able to manage a hive of bees like the trendy rooftop beekeepers of New York City, and oh boy,…
Sick Tricks To Do While Breastfeeding Your Baby
At Bunny Ears, we do our best to help turn new moms into supermoms. Now that you've survived labor and lost the baby weight, it's time for an actual challenge!…
A Tour Guide Of The Places Where Men Have Dumped Me
When it comes to men, I’ve been around the neighborhood a few times, if you know what I mean. What I mean is that I have been dumped by various…
How To Make Bulletproof Mountain Dew
If you’re interested in wellness trends, you’ve most likely heard of Bulletproof coffee---A.K.A. adding healthy fats, like organic butter or ghee, to your daily cup of java. This slight adjustment…
How Our ‘How It’s Made’ Video Was Made
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3G1Sm9ZcSms]Hey there, I’m Elijah, the Director of Merchandising here at Bunny Ears. Which is a job I got because my sister lets me screen print shirts in her garage.…
We Duplicated This $50 Green Smoothie at Home by Blending Dollar Bills into a Regular Smoothie
We’re so excited about our favorite green smoothie at Bile, Los Angeles’s opulent private juice dojo, that we decided to try making one at home. The object of our obsession…
I Tried Nu Metal Primal Scream Therapy And Now I Baw Wit A Newfound Sense Of Oh Wah Ah Ah Ah
I'm not typically so skeptical on first introductions. I've tried a lot of non-traditional therapies. I had to admit, however, that the atmosphere of this waiting room was ... unusual.…
Mispronunciation – The Candle That Smells Like You Just Heard Someone Mispronounce A Word
Bunny Ears is proud to introduce our newest scented candle, Mispronunciation. It's handmade (wingmade?) by tiny hummingbirds using all organic wax (both bees and ear), and the scent will make…
Culinary Experiments That Are Also Depressing Thought Experiments
You know what they say: Candy is dandy, but the call of the void will send you spiraling down into an existential crisis. No matter how much you try to…
I Cured My Body Image Issues By Smashing All The Mirrors In My Town
I've never been what one would call "conventionally attractive." I've struggled with my weight since I was a kid, and I'm below average, height-wise. Mean classmates (and my parents) called me…
Ethically-Made Culturally Appropriative Halloween Costumes—Finally!
Ever since I was a kid, I've had a costume bucket list; things and people I've always wanted to be. But due to the rise of the PC police, keyboard…
Bunny Ears Podcast 40: Camp No Counselors (Annotated)
Hi, I’m Craig The Intern, and they make me transcribe these every week. I wasn't invited to go to Camp No Counselors with them. Everyone I work with is a…
The Beginner’s Guide To Your Best Battle Lashes
Welcome to The Beginner’s Guide, our recurring series where our experts provide everything you need to know about your new endeavor, regardless of what it is. This week we’ll be…
Why You Need To Put Sunscreen In Your Butt Hole Right Now
Seriously. Right now.
Organic Scarecrow: Save The Planet By Dressing An Ancient Mummy In Overalls
Let’s face it: nobody likes birds. This goes double for any salt-of-the-earth farmer maintaining their autumn kale crop or repurposed urban xeriscape. Unfortunately our current scarecrow technology has yet to…
All The Best Places To Visit Before You Die Next Week
In Ancient Greece, it was known that the true hero is one who journeys to die without hesitation, but with strength and purpose. Which is why it’s actually super good…
The Best Vitamins To Soak Your Tampons In Before Sticking Them Up Your Butt
Taking care of my health is very important to me. But I’m a very busy woman and I don’t have the time to keep track of which vitamins, minerals, and…
What To Do With Your Newly-Shredded Banksy
On Friday, a framed canvas version of rogue street artist Banksy’s famous painting, Girl With Balloon, sold at auction for $1.1 million, only to immediately self-destruct when a mechanism within…
Why Stop at the Placenta? Go Ahead and Eat the Whole Baby
Unless you’ve been living in a cave or some other appropriately yonic remote dwelling, you’ve probably heard about the practice of placentophagia. Celebrities from Kim Kardashian to Mayim Bialik have…
Hot Piles of Garbage: Bunny Ears Staffers Describe Their Morning Routines
Today's morning routine: ELLA GALE Here at Bunny Ears, we’ve loved working with this Los Angeles based “comedian” and freelance writer. She has walloped us with her passion for everything…
Forget About Yoga: It’s Not Gonna Bring Her Back
I'm sorry to be the one to say it.
Help! My Dog Ate My Tarot Deck and Now She is Vibing VERY Major Arcana
I love writing for Bunny Ears, because our readers are so knowledgeable! They’ve got a perfectly manicured grip on so many topics, from crystal healing to crystal decorating. That's why,…
I Started Foam Rolling And Now I’m Tumbling Down A Hill At 50mph
Foam rolling is a great way to elongate your spine and eliminate back pain. Keeping a foam roller in your house will ensure that your back is straight and your…
I Swear To God, You People Better Stop Pissing In My Sensory Deprivation Tank
Look, I get it. The water in the sensory deprivation tank I loaned to the Bunny Ears office is very soothing. It plunges your mind into a deep state of…
Bunny Ears Podcast 39: BROADWAY BOUND with Matt Bennett (Annotated)
Salutations, Internet; or more specifically, Warren. It's your old friend Matt Cohen. The same Matt Cohen who was voted America's number one Podcasting Matt Cohen, three years in a row.…
What Your Favorite Celebs Eat Daily (Hint: It’s Mostly Candles)
We all want to eat like celebs. They look so good, but they have access to all sorts of private chefs and expensive ingredients that most of us can’t afford,…
I Slept With Your Wife Because Everything Happens For a Reason
The universe is a funny place. It may seem cold and inscrutable, but a spiritual person like me can recognize that it has a habit of punishing vices and rewarding…
I Tried Isolation Floating and Became the Baby from “2001: A Space Odyssey,” So Please Don’t Look at My Little Space Dick
I never thought I’d be saying this, but here I am: I floated in a sensory deprivation tank and turned into the baby from 2001: A Space Odyssey. I feel…
Which Third-Degree Felony You’ll Most Likely Die In Jail For Based On Your Star Sign
You know you have it in you.
Color Of The Month: Coral? Peach? Salmon? Fuck. Get Me The Swatches.
OK, so: I was given this...color as our color of the month and told to write about it. I have no idea what to call this color. None. This month's color…
Fetish Of The Month: Soup Porn
Hey there sex-positive adventurers! You and your special someone are about to embark on a sensual trip to Flavortown. And if all goes as planned, Guy Fieri will have nothing…
What To Do When You’re Ready To Be Reclaimed By The Sea
It’s a scientific fact that humankind evolved from an ancient ancestor that crawled out of the ocean and onto the shore. It’s also a known fact that all men (and women!)…
Reduce Stress By Giving Up On Real Life And Living In A Lucid Dream
Life is...not great. You've been at your job for nearly three years and there's zero chance of a promotion. The guy you've been seeing for months refuses to call himself…
I’ve Hidden My Compost Piles Beneath Fall Leaves—Let’s See If These Goddamn Neighborhood Kids Notice
The leaves are changing from verdant greens to cozy oranges and browns. That means fall is here and so, too, are those goddamn neighborhood kids who jump into my carefully…
Goat Yoga Is So Last Season, So We’re Testing Out All These Animals We Stole From The Zoo
Our balanced, centered Bunny Ears team knows you've devoted yourself to the ancient practice of yoga. Which is why we like to keep you up-to-date on the latest yoga trends…
DIY: Your Own Emergency Replacement Organs!
There are few more frightening, serious, and expensive predicaments in life than suddenly needing an organ replacement. Not only do you get to feel like garbage for the months or even…
They’re Just Like Us! My Dog Is Also Clinically Depressed
Dogs are amazing creatures. They’re intelligent, empathetic, and they care so much about their owners that, at times, they even come to resemble them. Why, just take my adorable li'l…
This S’Mores Recipe Is So Good, It’ll Melt Your Heart, Just Like This Charming Story That Precedes It
For my darling nephew's six-and-a-half birthday party, I had planned a quaint but fun-filled theme of outdoor camping, just like they do in movies. We would use artificial grass, earthy…