We Invited the Street Sharks Creator to Chat About His New Luxury Line of Boulevard Sharks
If you loved Street Sharks you’ll love these luxurious new Boulevard Sharks. If you can afford them, which you almost certainly cannot.
This Instant-Pot Is The Only Thing You’ll Ever Need In Your Life Ever Again Forever
I think you’re afraid to know true enlightenment. I get it, navigating the higher planes of existence can be scary at first.
The Beginner’s Guide To Fine-Dining Terminology
The world of fine dining has its own complex language that can turn a romantic date into a confusing embarrassment if you don’t know the lingo. Worry no more, because we’re here to help.
How I Got SNAP/EBT To Help Fund My First Affordable Yacht Rental
With a little of that sweet, sweet Uncle Sam start-up money and some human ingenuity, you, too, can rent a luxury water vehicle.
5 Books You Totally Know How To Read This Fall
Nothing beats curling up with a good book, flipping through its pages, holding it right side up, and, of course, telling people you’re reading it so they think you’re smart.
The Sun: What It Is And How to Prepare For It Devouring Your Planet
Few have been able to identify what the sun actually is. Until now.
The Secret To Inviting In Wealth: Think Naughty Thoughts To Make Money Horny For You
I’m here to clear up your misconceptions about earning money.
Are Your Crystals Being Tested on Spirit Animals?
We shouldn’t let our thirst for power interfere with our compassion for our spiritual companions.
I, Quarog The World Eater, Must Have Plant Milk
I know there have been a lot of questions since I, Quarog The World Eater, appeared in the space that surrounds your planet.
Can You Believe We Didn’t Make Up Titanic II?
I mean seriously, come on, Titanic II? That has us written all over it.
Your Most Recent Social Trauma Tells Us Which Of Our Candles You Should Buy
Capitalism is a prison but candles smell nice so tell us your most recent traumatic social experience and we’ll sell you a scented candle!
Tips For Growing An Organic, GMO-Free Garden In Your Family’s Pet Cemetery
What better way to pay respect to the pets you miss than to plant a produce garden in their name, right on top of their graves?
How To Enjoy Fall Foliage Even If That Thing From ‘The Happening’ Happens
Before you pack up the station wagon, it’s only natural to wonder what to do if that thing from The Happening happens.
Our Annual Fall Foliage Guide Has Been Discontinued Because Our Intern Got Lost in the Woods and Died
As many of you know, every year, we here at Bunny Ears bring you a detailed guide to all things autumn. Normally, our interactive autumnal map allows you to search B&Bs in the area by size, style, and quaint charm, while our color wheel breaks down every leaf shade permutation possible by region and time […]
I Deserve The Right To Breastfeed My Snakes In Public
Sometimes when I breastfeed in public, ignorant store owners or cops feel the need to stop me instead of dealing with their own weird hangups. Breastfeeding is beautiful and natural. It’s a sacred bond between a mother and her young, and I should have the right to breastfeed my snakes in public whenever I want. […]
The Beginner’s Guide To England’s Regional Butthole Slang
Welcome to The Beginner’s Guide, our recurring series where our experts provide everything you need to know about your new endeavor, regardless of what it is. This week, we’ll be taking you through: The Beginner’s Guide To England’s Regional Butthole Slang The United Kingdom is a very small country, but it’s such an old country […]
Organic Scarecrow: Save The Planet By Dressing An Ancient Mummy In Overalls
Let’s face it: nobody likes birds. This goes double for any salt-of-the-earth farmer maintaining their autumn kale crop or repurposed urban xeriscape. Unfortunately our current scarecrow technology has yet to advance past the wasteful hay usage long established in the 1900s, and I for one think it’s time we change that. That’s why I came […]
What To Do With Your Newly-Shredded Banksy
On Friday, a framed canvas version of rogue street artist Banksy’s famous painting, Girl With Balloon, sold at auction for $1.1 million, only to immediately self-destruct when a mechanism within the frame shred the piece upon sale. Because you are doubtlessly a collector of fine art, and that man clearly has a finite number […]
Hot Piles of Garbage: Bunny Ears Staffers Describe Their Morning Routines
Today’s morning routine: ELLA GALE Here at Bunny Ears, we’ve loved working with this Los Angeles based “comedian” and freelance writer. She has walloped us with her passion for everything from corsetry to green juice. Ella Gale lives in Hollywood (heard of it?) with a mounted deer skull named Buckminster Skuller and whichever of her […]
Bunny Ears Essentials: Abiogenesis
Welcome to Bunny Ears Essentials! Today, our topic is abiogenesis, the origin of life in the form of simple organic compounds that arise from inorganic or non-living substances. Abiogenesis likely occurred over 3.5 billion years ago on Earth. (Don’t come at us with your panspermia hypothesis bullshit!) But don’t be fooled by how long it’s been—abiogenesis […]
I Swear To God, You People Better Stop Pissing In My Sensory Deprivation Tank
Look, I get it. The water in the sensory deprivation tank I loaned to the Bunny Ears office is very soothing. It plunges your mind into a deep state of meditative contemplation. The salinity of the water that keeps you suspended on the surface is as close to feeling the weightlessness of space as you’ll […]
Charged Crystal Pipes For Clearing Your Mind With That 420 Dank Chronic
Healing crystals are the perfect synthesis of science and metaphysics. It’s only natural to want to add that to your extant self-care routine of getting blitzed on giggle greens all day. Fortunately for you, crystal pipes fuse the natural vibrational energy of quartz with the swift rush of that dank herb. Choosing Your Crystal Pipe […]
Unleash Your Inner Mermaid And Lure Sailors To Their Briney Deaths
Ladies, we all have a magnificent mergirl inside us just waiting to burst out. (A hot one, obviously, with super nice abs and no arm fat—not at all like those weird Harry Potter ones.) And if your authentic merlass is waiting for her merdebut, we want to help! That’s why we’ve talked to doctors – […]
How Many Lemons Is Too Many Lemons When It Comes To Stuffing Your Butt Hole?
We know you’re probably sick of reading lemon-stuffing articles. Almost every lifestyle blog has been pumping these out like, well, butt lemons. But we promise this definitive guide to lemon stuffing will be the last article you ever have to read about stuffing lemons up your butt! Bunny Ears has your back (which will soon […]
DETOXIFY: Bunny Ears Detox Our Office Breakroom!
Hello, everyone! Since you’re all too busy to read my emails, I’m making this a public post on the site. Perhaps now you’ll pay attention. So: I think we can all agree we’ve been feeling a little spiritually stifled, right? How long has it been since any of you have undergone a good detox? Well, […]
Go Green! Use Solar Powered Bulldozers To Level That Jungle For Your Handbag Factory
There’s a lot of pressure to go green these days, and with good reason. It’s important to be seen doing your part to save the environment. I guess you could also quietly implement a recycling program and cut back on air travel, but if you want to really take advantage of all the ways saving […]
The Beginner’s Guide to Using Your Three Magic Wishes
Welcome to The Beginner’s Guide, our recurring series where our experts provide everything you need to know about your new endeavor, regardless of what it is. This week we’ll be taking you through: The Beginner’s Guide To Using Your Three Magic Wishes First off, CONGRATULATIONS! As much as the media wants you to believe that […]
Beautiful Inspirational Quotes That Will Definitely Piss Off The Person You’re Directing Them At
It can be hard to express your true feelings. That’s why inspirational quotes are so great! Why think of something poignant yourself when you could just use Google? When it’s hard for me to find the words I need all I have to do is turn to Instagram where I can find exactly what I […]
Sober Karaoke And Other Socially Disgusting Ideas For Your Office Party
Ain’t no party like an office party ’cause an office party is necessary to your livelihood! At the Bunny Ears office, we have an office party every 15 minutes to boost morale, consisting of an IV cleanse and a mandatory meditation seminar. For those of you who don’t work at the healthiest place on Earth, here […]
The Beginner’s Guide to Getting Accidentally Stuck in a Parade
Welcome to The Beginner’s Guide to [Blank], our recurring series where our experts provide everything you need to know about your new endeavor, regardless of what it is. Life is full of exciting opportunities, and while it’s fine to tackle a new adventure on your own, we here at Bunny Ears know that it’s better […]
Guys, Accounting Says We Are Having Too Many Retreats
Hi, everyone! I’m sorry for posting this so publicly, but I know you’re all very busy people who are rarely even in the same country at the same time and that Katie and Lydia actually cancel each other out if they’re in the same room. Also, none of you will give me your real email addresses. […]
I Ate a Mysterious Himalayan Superfood and Now Everyone Has a Clock Counting Down Over Their Heads
My life is so hectic that I need all my nutrients crammed into me as efficiently as possible. That’s why I never leave the house before having my protein shake suppository inserted. I got so excited when my dog sitter’s doula told me about the wonders of Sujuk that I just needed to buy the […]
How Oprah Cyberbullied Me Into Buying A $500 Fancy Scarf
I had no intention of ever buying a scarf that retailed for $500 until Oprah Winfrey cyberbullied me to do so for weeks. It was one of the most harrowing experiences of my life. Here’s how Oprah cyberbullied me. I had never spoken to Oprah and I never thought I would. You can only imagine […]
Lydia Tries It! Going An Entire Day Without Telling Anyone I’m A Leo
A few weeks ago I was challenged by Bunny Ears’ editor-in-chief Shawn DePasquale to not mention my star sign to anyone for an entire day (it’s Leo). “You want me to not mention my star sign TO ANYONE for 24 whole hours and write about it?” I asked. He sighed deeply and replied “I guess if […]
Yes, My Son’s a Cello Prodigy, But His Shit Still Stinks Like the Rest of Us
My son is an incredible cellist. He’s been getting full-ride scholarships from the likes of Julliard, the New England Conservatory, and the Yale School of Music since he was in 6th grade. He’s given private solo performances for 3 presidents, 2 crown princes, and a Duke. He was being showered with roses after playing Bach’s […]
Someone Stole My Identity And They’re Living My Best Life
This story starts out familiar enough, with a declined credit card purchase attempt. This sort of thing happens more often than I would prefer, but this time, I was completely sure I had the money I needed in the account. The money was just deposited the day before. After some digging, it became clear that […]
Bunny Ears Staff Advice Column: HOBBIES
[EDITOR’S NOTE: Welcome to the third ever Bunny Ears advice column, where Bunny Ears staff submit questions, and other Bunny Ears staff provide answers. Neither party knew who was asking or answering their questions. Until now … ] Q – Kelly Wallace-Barnhill I have taken on so many projects and have so much to get done that […]
Stylish Dorm Room Screens For When Your Roommate Tries To Fuck In Front Of You
Back-to-school season is right around the corner, and we might as well warn you now: Your roommate is definitely gonna try to fuck in front of you. Here are some screens. Legacy Decor 4-Panel Plum Blossom Screen Room Divider, Black 4 Panel Wood Mesh Woven Design Folding Wooden Screen Room Divider Rose Home Fashion […]
Exposed: An Exit Interview With Our Office Dog
[EDITOR’S NOTE: Unfortunately, the Bunny Ears Office Dog is stepping down from his role, so our HR Department asked him to provide his thoughts on his time here, as well as on the work environment in general. He had a lot to say.] Name and Position? Descarti B. 2 years old. Barketing Coordinator. Why are […]
How to Start Your Rosé Popsicle Stand in 3 Easy Steps, As Long As One of Them Is Being Incredibly Rich
We all feel those summer blues, when the sun is hot, the beach is crowded with commoners, and the long afternoons seem to stretch on with nothing to fill our ample free time. That’s why summer is the perfect time to dive headfirst into a new hobby or interest like it’s going to be the […]
I Mixed Up My Bath Bomb And Actual Bomb Recipes And Now I’m In Federal Custody
I work so hard watching my nanny, Sarah, put together bento box lunches for my children and smiling and nodding when my husband Gregory talks about his “business.” I don’t know exactly what he does and I think, for legal purposes, that I don’t want to. I really just tune out whenever he’s speaking. Anyway, […]
How To Make Eight-Year-Old Brandon Think You’re The Coolest Counselor At Camp This Year
Hi, my name is Daniel O’Brien, and I am a hiker, Escape Room–avoider, and author, but before all that, many years ago, I was a camp counselor. I worked at a summer camp in Old Bridge, New Jersey for several years, and I still look back on the experience with tremendous fondness. I got to […]
Decor So Minimal, You’ll Wonder If You Even Exist
Minimalism is here to stay. What’s the point of filling your domicile with meaningless junk when there’s no point to anything? If you’re ready to dive into the design style that answers the question “what brings me joy?” with “almost nothing,” here’s a few rules of thumb for making your dwelling look as empty as […]
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…