Diet & Exploration

3 School Lunches Your Child’s Bully Will Love

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Here’s What Happened When I Stopped Saying ‘Sorry,’ Mostly to My Assistant

Pretty soon I stopped saying, “I’m sorry, why is this extra hot latte I asked for undrinkably hot? Are you trying to kill me via Starbucks?” and started saying, “Thank you for burning my tongue and ruining my day, you incompetent shit.”

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Adorable Teddy Bears To Pimp Out Your Man Cave

These cute and cuddly teddy bears are a great way to accentuate your manly space.

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Meat-Based Tofu Alternatives We Love

Are you struggling to find a good replacement for the soy you love? You’re not totally tofurked. We’ve got a list of incredible meat alternatives.

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Food and Recipes

Here’s What Registered Dietitians Eat When We Forced Them

Hint: It’s whatever we want!

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goop recipes
Archie Tries Goop Recipes on Her Mom: Roasted Chicken

“Has this white woman ever had chicken before?” My dad asks, staring at the chicken. “This tastes like the ghost of flavored meat,” My mom says.

wet seeds
Check Out These New Wet Seeds We’re Calling Pudding

And we’re collectively pretending they taste good, too!

Bay Leaves
Bay Leaves Are A Damn Lie

You are paying $8 an ounce for LIES

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Higher Pleasures

6 Ways The Moon Is Going To Bully The Shit Out Of You This Year

FYI it’s gonna fuck you up!

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obsessed with
Brunch, Avenging My Father, And Five Other Things I’m Obsessed With

Wow, it was so sweet of Bunny Ears to let me do this little round-up of all the things I’ve been obsessed with lately! Honestly, I’m totally and completely obsessed with so many things that it was hard to narrow it down to just these seven. From dry-brushing to white nail polish to solving my […]

eighty-two
69 Is Out. Meet 82, The New Number That Fucks

The long wet reign of terror by 69 is out. It’s time for a new sex number, baby. Meet 82, the number that ones to get down and dirty with YOU!

the life you deserve
Live The Life You Deserve Through Financial Fraud

Fake it until you make it! And by “it” I mean “identity theft”

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Lifehacks

Gut Health And Easter Tips: Lifehacks April 15, 2019-April 21, 2019

Helping you out, one tip at a time.

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Home Lifehacks And More, Today: April 8, 2019-April 14, 2019

We’re going to hack your home life to bits.

Kitchen and Home Lifehacks: April 1, 2019-April 7, 2019

We’re April Fooling the shit out of you.

Beach Bods, Parenting Tips, And More Lifehacks: 3/25/19-3/31/19

Get beach ready by Thanos-Snapping yourself into a pile of ashes!

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Travel Guides

Travel Guide: Under The Sea

The ocean is terrible and full of scary fish and fish-monsters. Why do you want to go there? What’s wrong with you?

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comfort zone
European Cities That Won’t Stretch Your Comfort Zone As A Whitey

Your vacation won’t be relaxing if you have to scream, “I want water! Water. WATER. WAAAT-ERR!” every time you’re thirsty.

7 Unbelievable Places People Have Barfed In This Dave & Buster’s

Oh gross, they barfed in this excerpt. C’mon!

car trunk
Travel Guide: The Car Trunk You’re Locked In

There’s a whole world of fun back there to enjoy while the goons drive you to the murder spot.

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