Hey there, I’m Elijah, the Director of Merchandising here at Bunny Ears. Which is a job I got because my sister lets me screen print shirts in her garage. Mostly, the job consists of screen printing shirts in my sister’s garage. Sometimes Mack makes me eat stuff.
One time, he showed up at my sister’s house and demanded to use the screen printing equipment.
I was printing up a fresh batch of hoodies when he banged on the garage door. Which is weird, right? Who knocks on a garage door? How did he even know I was in there, at that moment? I go other places.
“Shirt boy!” he shouted. “Let me in! I know you’re in there– You don’t go other places.”
I opened the door, and he strode past me, carrying a screen that I guess he’d made? Or maybe he found it. Where did he get that screen? Does he have other shirt boys?
I didn’t have time to ask before a camera crew flooded into the garage behind Mack. I’ve never been on a movie set before, but I’m pretty sure they don’t have as many people as Mack brings with him to shoot a promotional video in my sister’s garage. Mack directed them all. He kept demanding that people photograph him; I think he travels with his own paparazzi?
“We need more trash,” Mack yelled. “Where’s the trash boy?”
A man came in carrying bags of garbage. So he does have other boys.
“Crafty, go ahead and set up near the trash,” Mack said, gesturing to a team of caterers.
They sprung into action, immediately assembling a lavish selection of… exclusively soups, as far as I could tell. There was no second item, on the buffet-style spread. Still, the broths looked appealing. When I tried to pour myself a bowl, Mack snapped at me.
“Craft services is for on-screen talent only, Shirt Boy. Anyway, I thought you just ate shirts.”
Which didn’t even make sense. If I ate shirts, it would cut into our margins. He knows this.
As Mack tossed aside the screen I’d just painstakingly lined up, I asked him if it was worth coming to my sister’s garage to make a shirt for this video.
“I’ve warned you not to question me, Shirt Boy.” He smiled for the paparazzi.
It’s true, he had warned me, but his busy schedule usually prevents him from following up on direct threats. Usually.
“Maybe it’s the trash, maybe it’s the soup,” he continued, “But I’m in a good mood today. So I’ll tell you: This shirt is for Devon Sawa. You see, it says ‘Macaulay Culkin.’”
I stared blankly. He sighed.
“If I know the mind of a former teen heartthrob, this will fill Sawa with a white hot rage.” Mack grinned, “It will destroy him.”
I didn’t understand. To be honest, I still don’t. But Mack shipped the shirt to Sawa, with the return address of my sister’s house, and the name “Shirt Boy.”
True to Mack’s plan, this act has caused Sawa to be consumed with an unspeakable anger.
I’m about to go rob a mother fucking bank!! pic.twitter.com/NnXzMFK8Pw
— devon sawa (@DevonESawa) October 1, 2018
Sawa’s been pacing outside my sister’s house for days, now, demanding I come out to face him. He is wearing the shirt. I think the rage of it fuels him; he hasn’t eaten or slept.
He’s just… waiting.
Anyway, we hope you enjoy the video on how our merch is made. Thanks for reading!