So You Called Mr. Feeny’s Name During Sex. Now What?

Your worst nightmare has come true. You called Mr. Feeny’s name during sex. You’ve always appreciated a distinguished gentlemen, and, in the throes of passion, you’ve let out a “Fee-hee-hee-hee-hee-ny!” louder and more impassioned than Eric Mathews himself could ever muster. Don’t worry—you’re not the first person this has happened to, and there are some simple steps you can take to reassure your lover after you’ve Feened them.

Sympathize

Let them know that you understand why this is difficult for them. Your lover might be great, but he’s certainly no George Hamilton Feeny. He doesn’t have the wisdom of an owl, the grace of a fox, and the sweater vest of an L.L. Bean model. Seeing these completely unattainable men on television and knowing that you’re totally thinking about banging them is hard for any one.

Make Them Understand It Meant Nothing

Now you just have to convince him/her that although they’ll never be a fantasy beefcake like Mr. Feeny, your love is so much better because it’s attainable or whatever. You know you’ll never land a Feeny. You’re not a stone cold hottie like Dean Lila Bolander, and that’s just reality!

Compliment Them

Try to find something about them that’s like Mr. Feeny, and give it a shout-out. Maybe they have the icy blue gaze of a season-one Feeny—aka, a stern, unforgiving elementary school teacher who tries to keep a distance between himself and his young wards. Or maybe they’re gentle and nostalgic, like a season-seven Feeny. The kind of tender lover any man or woman would be happy to have. Any Feenish quality you can find in your subpar partner will do.

Steer Clear Of Boy Meets World For A While

No need to get your passions all inflamed for that silver fox and end up right back in the same situation. There are other television shows out there to get your motor running. Mr. Belding can get it, right?

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