The Best Places to Find Inner Peace And Hopefully An Affair

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I’ve been married to my lovely husband, Tom, for over 15 years. Our marriage has been absolutely perfect since day one. I mean, we have it all. The four-car garage. The white picket fence. The twins. The boob job I had in 2016 that we also call “the twins.” Everything. Except one thing. I knew I needed a change. I wasn’t sure how that change was going to come about, but I was pretty sure having my first orgasm in over a decade would help.

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I told Tom I needed a spiritual vacation, preferably in a luxury resort with an all-inclusive because Mama likes her pre-dinner martinis. Tom, being the wonderful husband he is, was all too obliging. Now, all I had to do was decide where to go to find inner peace and hopefully an affair with someone whose voice didn’t make me wish I would just die already.

India

I have been rereading my favorite book, Eat Pray Love, and I think that India could be a great place for meditation and hopefully meeting an older business man. I also enjoy mangos. They calm my soul.

Bali

Bali is the third location in Eat Pray Love, and love is pretty close to what I am looking for on this vacation. I just wish it was less Eat, Pray, Love and more Find, Fuck, Leave. I hear the men are truly dashing in Bali, so it seems like a solid option.

Kokomo

Like the Beach Boys said, you get there fast and then you take it slow. I have no idea what part of the world Kokomo is in or what the culture is like, but it sounds like a good place to find a date and some calming energy.

Hawaii

Hawaii is currently facing some pretty nasty weather, so I am not sure this will be the best place to calm the soul, but it does sound like a good place to find a friend into some action at the end of the world.

Thailand

Thailand is the last completely Buddhist country. It would be perfect for calming the voices in my head, but hopefully, while I am there, I will be able to reach two different kinds of nirvana.

Echo Beach

I am not sure if this is a real place, but I heard it in a song, and it sounds really nice. I bet I could meet a nice guy there. Either way, it would be nice to be in a nice place for a moment. Being able to finish also sounds nice.

Images: Pexels, Pixabay, Pixabay, Pixabay


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Elizabeth Teets: Elizabeth Teets is a Portland based Writer, Comedian and Fashionista. She is the host of Queens of Hollywood X-Ray Fm and producer of the Women In Comedy series Isn't She Great at the Hollywood Theater. She strives every day to make Elle Woods and Alaska Thunderfuck 5000 equally proud. You can follow her on Twitter @elizabethteets but you should really try @elteets on Instagram because that's where the outfits are.

View Comments (2)

  • As a fan of (the song) Kokomo, the best(?) part of this article for me that the character writing this doesn't know where Kokomo is. It's literally in the song (off the Florida keys) and you have to try pretty hard to miss it if you ever hear it from the top.

  • Oddly enough, that is my favorite song, and I honestly do not remember anything about the Florida Keys being in there. Are you sure you are thinking of the right song?

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