Hey yo. I got some tips for you, chicos. Summer is in full swing, and when you’re out on the Miami beaches, sooner or later, your peen is gonna get seen. What do you do? Well the Bad Guy, numero uno, never gets embarrassed. Nope. The Bad Guy stands tall and shows off his pubes with pride. That’s right: Here are Razor Ramon’s manscaping tips—just like you always wanted.
Get A Crazy Sharp Razor
First, you better have a sharp, real razor. I won’t tolerate none of this electric garbage! I see guys make this mistake all the time, and they all say the same thing: Ouch! Not only is it painful, but it’s gonna leave a nasty mark. And if you don’t clean that thing, there’s a good chance it’ll get infected. And no chick’s gonna let you get in her ring with an infection, chico.
Dong and Ball Protection
Cuts and blood in the ring is one thing, but cuts and blood to the ding? That’s a no-no. I don’t care how steady you think your hand is, you need to take precautions before you Zorro your sack. What I like to do is save aluminum foil from a sandwich or cocaine to wrap securely around my manhood (Penis and Balls). It’s light weight, which means it won’t hurt your dong, but it’s still tough enough to protect against complete castration. Also, never use Nair.
Style Those Pubes!
Pube styles come and go, so it’s up to you if you want to keep your garden tight and trim or let some personality shine through. We’re all familiar with legendary styles like ’70s porno pubes, the Dong-fro, the Alfalfa, and the Horse Mane, but what are you gonna bring to the table? I personally like to go with what I call the Attitude Era. It’s rough, thick, and oozing machismo. (Pro tip: Coat your pubes in a mix of water and grease from whatever meat you cooked that day for this look).
And when it comes to Razor Ramon’s Manscaping Tips, don’t be afraid to get creative with color. Just don’t go too bold—understated highlights and lowlights are key. Some sage advice I received from the Heartbreak Kid himself during our unforgettable WrestleMania X ladder match: “Don’t over hydrogen-peroxide your pubes.”
Now … Showtime
Go ahead. Put on those low cut board shorts (or if you’re feeling extra confident, sport a speedo!). You want people to stare at your crotch like you’ve got $50,000 worth of gold chains hanging around your main vein. Then, when the time is right—like during an “unexpected wave” or “you thought you had on underwear” moment— put it out there for the world.
Did you find these Razor Ramon Manscaping Tips helpful? Let us know!
Image: WWE