7 New Books You HAVE to Read

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It’s springtime again and that can only mean one thing: it’s reading season.

[Air horn sound effect][Air horn sound effect][Book opening sound effect]

We here at Bunny Ears believe that nourishing the mind is just as important as nourishing the body and soul. And when it comes to the mind, the best nourishment is obviously books. Not just any books; the most important new books that everyone is going to be talking about.

If it is at all important to you to look sophisticated or relevant, you’re going to need to be well-versed in all the latest books that are “in.”

We went through all of the books that a responsible and spiritually in-touch person should be reading or should have already read this spring to give you a solid starter kit.

Even though that sounds like a frankly overwhelming, borderline impossible task— because so many books get published, all the time— we did it! We absolutely definitely read every book that came out this spring and here are the ones you should get and know about.

Fascism: A Warning, by Madeline Albright

Madeline Albright discusses the topic of fascism as only she can. A MUST-READ for fans of Albright or people curious about fascism.

Stars: 4

The Pope Who Would Be King, by David I. Kertzer

Imagine it: A Pope who was also a king maybe? It seems insane now to you and I, but this nonfiction book explores this idea, and the results may surprise you.

Stars: 4.2

Unmasked, by Andrew Lloyd Weber

That title is a reference to Phantom of the Opera, which is a very famous musical that Andrew Lloyd Weber, a famous Broadway composer did. Will Andrew Lloyd Weber finally reveal what was under The Phantom’s mask? Trick question: the guy who wore the mask was actually Phantom’s monster. This book is full of fun and tantalizing deep-cut facts like that. My real “Web-heads” will appreciate it.

Stars: 3

Beneath a Ruthless Sun: A True Story of Violence, Race, and Justice Lost and Found, by Gilbert King

Oh, this one was HIGHLY anticipated. It is exactly the kind of book that the smartest people in your office will be talking about. It’s one of those deep-dive historical narratives that is undeniably important like that one about the opioid crisis that we all read, or that other one.

It’s definitely an important read. You’d be a jerk if you didn’t read this one. I remember as soon as I finished reading it I called my friend and was like “Oh my God, did you finish it?”

“Yes,” he replied, “so much justice lost.”

“And yet,” I added, furrowing my brow “so much found.”

Stars: We have chosen to temporarily waive our constitutional right to award this book a number of stars as we’re still processing the historical heft of it.

Eat the Apple, by Matt Young

He, uh… does! He eats it. Eats it right up and describes it to you, in a book.

Stars: 10… 10 stars.

The President is Missing, by Bill Clinton and James Patterson

A political thriller about a president who leaves written by the president who came. Zing! I kid. This book is filled with everything you’d expect in a mystery novel by former president Bill Clinton and publishing power house James Patterson: a bunch of words written by other people who won’t get properly credited.

Stars: 3. NO. 9. 9.

Happiness, by Aminatta Forna

Gimme… gimme one second.

Aminatta Forna’s new novel, Happiness, is set in London and follows the aftereffects of a chance encounter between Jean, an American studying foxes in the city, and Attila, a Ghanaian psychiatrist.

Holy shit, I just copy and pasted that from another website but there’s no way that’s true, there’s no way that’s a description of a book in real life. “A chance encounter between Jean, an American studying foxes in the city, and Attila, a Ghanaian psychiatrist”? We’re still using Attila as a name, here, in our post-Hun times? Wacky.

That feels like someone used a word generator that spat out “AMERICAN. CITY. FOXES. GHANA. BRAINS. LOVE. ATTILA” and Aminatta Forma whom I have to assume is the greatest living writer said, “Yeah, I can write a book about that shit, it’s called Happiness, it’ll be on your desk by next week.”

Stars: Ten billion. Don’t write any books anymore after this, this is gonna be the last book.

So. There you go. These are the only books worth reading or tangentially knowing about. Or, as the great Matt Young probably said in Eat the Apple, “sometimes you just have to take a big honking bite outta that fucking apple, my man, do you understand?”

Wise words.