You HAVE to Try This Stuffed Chicken Recipe (or They’ll Never Let Me See My Children Again)!

Greetings, Bunny Ears chefs! If you follow this website, you know that we value living a balanced life, and that eating healthy naturally leads to living healthy, and also that I’m a good person who loves his family.

I first came across this recipe when I was traveling on business and now I make it all the time! This meal is quick, healthy and delicious and it’s really important to me that you give it a shot!

Please!

Ingredients:
2 Chicken breasts
2 tsp. Sun-dried Tomato, chopped
Fresh basil
2 Garlic Cloves, finely chopped
Paprika
Cayenne Pepper (optional)
1/2 cup Spinach, chopped
1 oz Feta Cheese
Some Cayenne pepper
4 Strips, Turkey bacon
Toothpicks
Brown, nondescript duffel bag

Under No Circumstances Should You Include These Ingredients:
The police. The cookbook was very explicit about this.

Instructions

1. Preheat the oven to 365.

2. Mix the cheese, sun-dried tomatoes, garlic, paprika, basil and cheese in a bowl, salt and pepper to taste. This will be your stuffing.

3. Personally, I use feta cheese for the stuffing but you can use whatever cheese you want.

You can use bleu cheese, or cheddar, or like a brie cheese, or you can just jam some old milk in there, or maybe even some Cheez-Its? It is completely up to you and everything is fine.

I just don’t want to say the wrong thing, here. I want to see my little Esther again, and that’s not gonna happen if you don’t try this recipe so if I’m being completely honest you can stuff this chicken with Fruit Roll-Ups and rubber bands for all I care, just as long as you please, please try it. Again though, I use feta and I think it really “sings.”

4. Time to cut into your chicken! I like to let the chicken thaw naturally. I also used to like to hold my infant daughter in the air and twirl her around, and if you didn’t preheat your fucking oven to 365 degrees like I said before in step one, I fear I never will again.

5. Cut the chicken breasts halfway through with a sharp knife. Don’t get any ideas with that knife. We don’t need any heroes here.

6. Put the stuffing into the slits of the chicken.

7. Wrap two strips of turkey bacon around each chicken breast. I use turkey bacon because it’s healthier, but if you prefer good ole’ fashioned regular bacon, I wouldn’t hold it against you. Hell, I wouldn’t tell anyone at all. I’d take that information to my grave, you’d have nothing to worry about. We could all just move on and be two buddies sharing a secret. I’m very discreet.

8. Secure the bacon with toothpicks. If the toothpicks don’t work… listen, the toothpicks HAVE to work. You just need to figure it out, okay?

9. If you want an extra kick, or if it matters at all to you that I get to see the smiling face of my beautiful, ten-year-old son Bradford ever again, you will add a pinch of the cayenne pepper

10. Bake the whole thing for about 20 minutes.

11. Leave the chicken in the brown, unmarked duffel bag beneath the blue mailbox at the corner of Braddock and Centinela in Marina del Rey.

12. Walk. The fuck. Away.

And that’s it! That’s all you need to do, and while this is a meal that can be prepared in advance and then frozen I will stress that it is much better if you make this as soon as possible. Like what are you doing right now? Now seems like a pretty good time. This meal is perfect for a surprisingly healthy dinner for two OR for reuniting me, a good man who made a mistake, with his two beautiful children.