Alcohol is a complicated part of modern life. It’s fun in moderation but damaging in excess, and sometimes the line between the two is blurry. It never hurts to take a break from alcohol for the sake of your physical and mental well-being. But in our busy world of Tinder dates, business lunches, and bar hopping with friends—can an active, outgoing person really be expected to not drink alcohol for an entire month? We don’t think so, and that’s why we’ve developed a reasonable alternative to Sober November and Dry January: No Martini March. By cutting yourself off from delicious martinis for an entire month you’ll prove that you don’t have a problem, and by allowing yourself to enjoy other drinks you’ll still have a life. And don’t worry if it sounds too challenging, because we’ve got some survival tips right here!
Try Other Kinds Of Alcohol.
Did you know that the Old Fashioned is, despite its name, all the rage these days? We discovered that after extensive research, and we can assure you that they’re delicious. But don’t worry if whiskey drinks aren’t your style, because there’s a whole universe of cocktails out there! From bellinis and margaritas to manhattans and sidecars and much more, you’ll find yourself barely missing those boring old martinis at all!
Drink Alone At Home.
One of the greatest benefits of No Martini March is that it makes you realize how much money you’ve been wasting on expensive martinis in bars, restaurants, theaters, upscale grocery stores, and baseball stadiums. Think of how much you could save if you just stay at home and drink cheap beer! You could soon buy a nice dinner, or that fancy dress you’ve had your eye on. After a few Natty Lights on your couch, pulling the trigger on a frivolous treat will seem like a great idea, and you’ll have the spare cash to be able to afford it!
Have a Fauxtini.
A martini is made with gin and vermouth. Therefore, vodka martinis and their many variants, like appletinis and chocolate martinis, technically aren’t martinis at all! You can enjoy all those non-martinis guilt-free and educate someone who accuses you of cheating on the challenge! And while we’re on the subject, there’s nothing wrong with other gin cocktails, or just straight gin. Do you even know what vermouth is? If you can’t come up with an answer, then drop your pretensions and have a nice gimlet or gin and tonic or both. You’re not going to the bar to impress people with your high culture tastes, you’re going to relax and have fun. So do just that with a Singapore sling or five, and you’ll stop caring about showing off before you know it!
Try Drugs.
You’d be shocked by how much free time you end up with when you cut down on your martini consumption. And with marijuana now legal—or at least not illegal enough that anyone especially cares—in many parts of America, why not use all of that free time to try something new? You’ll get all of the relaxation of alcohol without any of those pesky hangovers. In fact, as far as we know, weed has zero negative repercussions to your health whatsoever! And if weed goes well, there are all sorts of drugs out there with risks that have been wildly overstated, probably. If you end up taking a liking to some of them, you may never need another martini again!
Follow these tips and 31 days will fly by before you know it! Although you can probably cheat and call the challenge completed in 30 or even just 28 days, as through you were doing it in February. Alliteration is fun and all, but does No Martini March really need 31 days?
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