Who You’ll Bang In The Animaniacs Universe According To Your Sign
Minerva Mink? Or perhaps the Godpigeon?
Hogwarts Sex: Where You’ll Get It On, According To The Zodiac
Don’t tell us you’ve never thought about it.
What You’ll Choke To Death On Based On Your Star Sign
The other alternative is to just keep your big mouth shut and starve to death. #horoscopes
What’s Your Fursona Based On Your Star Sign?
Just don’t call it your spirit animal, okay? That’s problematic.
Horoscope: Which Type Of Flu Will Kill You When The Pandemic Hits?
With overpopulation, global travel, and not one, but several strains of drug-resistant superbugs already taking hold, it’s safe to say that you and everyone you know will die in a pandemic (soon). And if modern history has taught us anything, this pandemic will likely come in the form of classic influenza. But will you die of […]
What VD You Definitely Have Right Now Based On Your Star Sign
This month’s Bunny Ears horoscope will tell you which venereal disease you have at this very moment while you’re reading this.
Which Fight Should You Have With Mom On Thanksgiving
Let’s skip over how much weight your going to gain this year and use your holiday horoscope the way everyone should: to ward off angry moms.
Which Third-Degree Felony You’ll Most Likely Die In Jail For Based On Your Star Sign
This month’s Bunny Ear’s free horoscope is all about which third-degree felony you’ll most likely die in jail for—based on your sign. A third-degree felony generally includes serious violent or nonviolent crimes, like assault and battery, elder abuse, driving under the influence, bribery, arson, fraud, and a number of drug-related offenses. Jail time can last […]
Where You Should Spread Your Ashes Based On Your Zodiac Sign
Great Nana Etna just passed away, and as they propelled her ashes over the tennis courts of her beloved country club, you had a couple of distinct thoughts: Who knew the human body produced that much ash? And also, where the hell am I going to spread mine?! Well we here at Bunny Ears are […]
Free Monthly Horoscopes – June Edition
Summer is officially here, so astrally project yourself into your monthly Horoscope Guide. Whether you intend to have a summer of love or a summer of deep thought and solitude, the stars have their own plan for you, and all it takes is a receptive ear to listen to the Universe’s motherly whisper. Aquarius: As […]
Absolute Must-Have Horoscope #SquadsGoals (Finally In One Place)!
Horoscope squads, assemble! While every horoscope sign is unique, there’s no denying that some traits overlap and form some seriously awesome squads! Study up, figure out the traits that you have in common, and learn how to slay your way through the month of May, bae! The Most Likely To Fake a Sick Day Squad: […]
Horoscopes with a Horror Twist
Welcome to your monthly horoscope! Let this help guide you through the coming weeks in both your decisions and intentions. The sun is in Aquarius until the end of the month, which brings an abundance of protective energy — use it to your advantage! We’re serious. Aries: The Aries moon is in Libra, meaning there’s […]
Free Monthly Horoscopes – March Edition
Hello and welcome to your monthly Horoscope Guide! We know you have a lot of options when it comes to finding out your future, and we are thrilled and humbled that you’ve chosen us to be the copilots on your astrological journey through the stars. Aquarius: The Water-Bearer! Your colors are light-blue and silver. You […]