It began as a lazy reason to create some more fine Internet Content. It ended with a morbid obession that brought us to the brink of perpetual moistness.
The color of the month is flesh!
You will reach unfathomable velocity.
It’s so much healthier to bring your baby into the world with a water birth. And it costs next to nothing to do it down at the local pool!
I mean who knows, right?
I already know the answer due to my years of experience as a dream interpreter, but have you tried watching something other than porn as you fall asleep?
I am not here for it.
Say you already know your healthy husband is about to die from mysterious causes. Which life insurance policy should you choose for him?
The neighbors were admittedly displeased.
I can’t help but wonder: when will it be my turn? When will I get to delicately balance myself on four posts above some woman as she marries the man of her dreams?
What possible reason could they have to object to this beautiful forty foot silk effigy of a naked hairy Greek New Age musician?
Jesus Christ, really? I can’t wait to see the suggested ads on this one.
It’s so weird that most of us were scandalized when Prince William and Princess Kate decided to take on a third party into their marriage.
We asked our very own Bunny Ears team what they’ve always wanted from their Valentine. Pay attention! Chances are your special someone will want one of these romantic gifts too.
If you gotta go, you gotta go mourned eternally by someone who found true love just to have it slip through their fingers by the cruelty of fate (and that double-decker bus.)
Could you imagine if someone actually made a blackface jumper and sold it?
If you breed your children, you’re literally worse than a hypothetical love child made from the union of Hitler and Stalin, who was then was nannied by Pol Pot.
Now the little green owl will guilt you into learning the language of the lowly and the downtrodden!
Just don’t call it your spirit animal, okay? That’s problematic.
The advantages of being white never go out of style!
Penii? Penes? Amanda, what am I supposed to write here?
Seriously just fucking take them.
Read it and then provide at least several pages of feedback and suggestions. The talking hippo is named Everett and he mostly screams.
The guy can really use the help, and I’m here to give it to him one 90 mile-an-hour moonstone fastball at a time.
I will not let my beautiful border collie suffer alone!
This is your special time! Turn every possible opportunity into your favor.
With the right team of professionals, your child can avoid any and all consequences.
Because why shouldn’t they learn from your fears?
Yes, if you long for a really fuzzy pair of hands around your throat these amazing winter turtlenecks are the perfect way to blend your kink with your couture!
Get that guy fired—your way.
For me, it started small. It was a beanie that looked like a dick.
Yes, even seventeen months after they died in that tragic safari giraffe stampede accident.
(Jerking off outside.)
Even if the people who own the zoo keep telling you to please stop doing that.
No one else feels lonely. Ever. It’s just you, the person reading this piece right now.
The toilet is where the pee-pee and poops leave your body,
You’re going to die and nobody has a clue how it’s going to go down.
Yes, we SPIT in our purses!
A good doula is duty-bound to help you do things your way!
Everyone loves Jane. No one likes me. So, Jane seemed like the perfect resolution.
People are fickle and disappointing, but objects last forever.
So I Can Thrive On Just Grass?
Building a tiny walled prison is one of those chores that demands attention but doesn’t excite your passion.
A therapist is just someone you pay to listen and be nice to you. At Trader Joe’s they do it for free.
We would never want to cramp your hump-pumping with the cruel reality of below freezing weather.