Wiping Out Half the Universe: Could Thanos’ Plan Be The Key to Spiritual Wellness?
Thanos has many aliases – The Mad Titan, The Most Powerful Being in the Universe, Daddy, The Dark Lord, Father, and Genocidal Maniac – and yet we still don’t know that much about who he is. Here’s what we do know: Thanos is a very driven person who has been manipulating his Chitauri army, Ronan […]
This Is Face Yoga…I Swear
Hi Bunny Ears readers. As you know we like to have fun here from time to time but right now we need to get real serious. You might know me as a hilarious and probably your favorite comedy writer, but I also have a higher purpose in life. I’m a face yoga instructor. What is […]
5 Face Masks To Cleanse The Sins of Your Past Lives
Skincare is all the rage and has been for centuries. Most of us apply a myriad of products to our face on a daily basis to maintain a soft, youthful glow. However, if you’ve found yourself stuck with skin that doesn’t want to change no matter what serum, cream, or emulsion you try, it’s possible […]
5 Kegel Exercises So Loud Even Your Family Will Know You’re Doing Them
Do you want a tight vag or not?!
I Read The Secret and Now I Can’t Control Which Thoughts I Manifest
You’ve no doubt heard of The Secret, the 2006 best-selling self-help book endorsed by Oprah, Good Housekeeping, and the lady who reads tarot cards on the boardwalk for five bucks. Millions of readers’ lives have been changed by learning about the law of attraction and how to manifest whatever they want in their lives through […]
Macaulay Culkin Paints Bunny Ears
In our first teaser video, Macaulay Culkin paints some bunny ears on a wall. Part of our mission here at BE is to always encourage free expression. Creative freedom is crucial to a happy and healthy lifestyle. In the video, Mack shows us how easy it can be to let yourself go nuts creatively and […]
People To Quietly Rage Against While You Pretend To Be Meditating
Hey, sometimes you just need a moment (or 20) to silently seethe with rage, aka a classic secret anger meditation. We get it! But in this world of endless d-bags, it can be super hard to choose exactly who to direct your bottomless anger meditation at. And that’s exactly why we’ve compiled this handy list […]
Religious Awakening: I Saw A Coyote Today
[Editor’s Note: This article has been edited to be as racially sensitive as possible. Many of the words have been changed to be more inclusive. The views expressed are of the individual, and do not reflect the views of the site as a whole.] This morning I was driving along, and a coyote stopped in front […]
How My Near Death Experience Changed Me
There I was, driving my Prius home from a fair trade essential oils bazaar when it happened. For a brief moment, I felt as if I were one with all of creation, the sun sending me its solar energy, my body vibrating at the resonance of all the beings around me, a dove soaring majestically […]
Spiritual Wellness: Feeling Lost?
Winter, am I right? Shorter days, full of cold and gray and slush and blah. It’s enough to make even the most spiritually attuned among us feel a little disconnected. Personally, my day job had me coming in early and leaving late enough that I swear I hadn’t seen the sun in a week! Aside […]
Reaching Spiritual Enlightenment Via Taco Bell’s Taco 12-Pack.
Very few mortals have unlocked the true potential of Taco Bell’s taco 12-pack. I can’t blame them for not taking the plunge. But I say ‘Live Mas’
Forget Those Beginner Witch Kits, We’ll Send You Actual Blood And Skulls
Step up to Flavor Town, witches. We have a beginner witch kit that will totally Fairuza your Balk and put you on the path to casting wicked spells.
I Made A Raccoon My Life Coach And I’ve Never Been Happier
Rummage through the trash of life and find your true self!
Planning the Perfect Ritualistic Maypole Party
If you’re gonna sacrifice a virgin, you better sacrifice a virgin the right way.
My Crystal Altar Was RUINED by My Mother-In-Law
Dear Serendipity, My husband and I have a very loving and communicative relationship. There’s just one problem. His mother interferes with EVERYTHING. This weekend she was over for a visit, and when I came into the sunroom, I caught her REARRANGING the crystals on my crystal altar. As you covered in your response to Dear […]
Save The Bees So I Can Keep Using Their Venom To Get High
Bees are dying and we need to save them to maintain the human food supply and let me use their stingers to trip balls on the regular.
Life Lessons I Learned From The Feral Children Living In The Woods Behind My Home
As a trendsetter, you grow accustomed to learning new things in surprising places. I wouldn’t be the daring style icon I am today if I weren’t ready to adopt fashion ideas from, say, nature, or unexpected encounters with people below my income bracket, or even the various diverse cultures that my ancestors helped to oppress. […]
How To Hack Your Urethra
When early ape arose from the shore of our great ocean womb, no longer could we protect our monkey eggs from the harshness of a dry environment. It was then that our vestigial tail bud tissue formed the pulpy genitalia we so cherish today. For snakes, this process involved unused limb flesh being repurposed into […]
These Stories Are So Spiritually Inspirational That We Couldn’t Bring Ourselves To Fact Check Them
We all need a dose of inspiration now and then, and nothing helps us continue to live life to the fullest like epic inspirational stories of someone absolutely rocking their spiritual side. These particular stories inspired us so much that we couldn’t face it if we found out they weren’t true, so we didn’t bother to […]
Love Yourself So Much It’s Inappropriate In Public
Love yourself like you recently met yourself, have been dating successfully for a month and have been banging yourself nonstop.
Nature Walks: The Perfect Alibi For Casing A Joint
Nothing says alibi like, “Look — it’s two different species of fern!”
How I Found Enlightenment By Staging My Own Kidnapping
I hope they let me play myself in the movie version of this story.
Simple Tricks To Make Their Funeral All About You
When someone you care about dies, it’s vital to keep the focus on what really matters: YOU!
How Many Lemons Is Too Many Lemons When It Comes To Stuffing Your Butt Hole?
We know you’re probably sick of reading lemon-stuffing articles. Almost every lifestyle blog has been pumping these out like, well, butt lemons. But we promise this definitive guide to lemon stuffing will be the last article you ever have to read about stuffing lemons up your butt! Bunny Ears has your back (which will soon […]
Enjoy This Text-Only, Audio-Free ASMR Experience by Daniel O’Brien
Hello, my name is Daniel O’Brien. I am an author, comedian, and aspiring boat captain, and I work with Bunny Ears to make your life better. ASMR, or Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response, refers to the tingly, relaxing sensation some people get from specific audio cues, like soft whispering or tapping. There are currently thousands […]
Spa Treatments Perfect For After Long Days Of Sexual Harassment
Scrub off dead skin cells AND all those disgusting comments you heard today.
I No Longer Believe In Cage-Free Zoos Now That My Family Is Dead
The hyena ambush really sealed the deal.
What’s All This Then: Bunny Ears Determines That Free Will Is A Lie
Bunny Ears knows that your quest for spiritual wellness takes many forms. During the day you may just need to know how much flaxseed to add to your oatmeal to get you through that staff meeting. But at night you’re haunted by bigger questions: Why are we here? Where are we going? Or, as we […]
10 Futhark Runes That Will Totally Make You Cum
For your next romantic evening in, why not try one (or all!) of the following runes, hand-selected by Church elders, to get those juices flowing?
We Talked To Some Unsuccessful, But Very Spiritual People About Their Work Habits
Do you find it hard to stay motivated in both your professional life and your spiritual one? Don’t despair! We asked some of the most spiritual people we could find to tell us how they find that all-important balance, and we think you’ll find their answers… enlightening. Krystal, 27 (Yoga Instructor) “Yoga is obviously extremely […]
What’s All This, Then? Objectively, Nothing Matters, So … Fuck It?
Seriously. Do whatever the fuck you want.
Chaxing: The Hot New Teen Trend Where You Give My Church One Half Of Your Salary
Parents hate it! Old people fear it! The government technically allows it under the Religious Liberty and Charitable Donation Protection Act of 1998! It seems that teens these days are scrambling to try out the hot new trend of church-taxing, or “chaxing.” It’s a lit craze that involves a 8323 tax form, one signed and […]
Free-bleeding: It’s Not Just For Periods Anymore
Free-bleeding during your period is, of course, one of the most intense and respectful ways to embody our connection with Gaia. When we allow our menstrual blood to saturate our Lululemons without processed, cancer-causing tampons or pads in the way, we acknowledge ourselves as women, as complete beings, and of course, as superior to Margot […]
What Is This Bird Box Service And Can I Order ‘Just The Beaks’?
Honestly, what is bird box and why are all of my friends talking about it?
My New Year’s Resolution Is To Shove My Son Back Up In There
I gave birth to him, and I can un-give it.
Help! My Spirit Animal Is A Shark And Keeps Biting Me In The Pool
I have a serious medical/spiritual condition that people desperately need to made more aware of. Kids today are going crazy for spirit animals but they are not aware how harmful and dangerous they can be. Everyone thinks finding out your spirit animal will be fun and enlightening, but in reality, it could end with you […]
My Morning Routine: I Lick Everything In The House So It Stays Mine
When you grow up in a house with seven brothers, you learn certain habits that last a lifetime.