Tag Archives: Spiritual Wellness

For a mere $499!

He keeps yapping “In my room, I want you here.”

Build upon shared interests.

Oh, you think that’s dark, do you? Let me tell you what’s dark, my breezy bunny child.

Being a stepmom is tough, but it can also be rewarding, like when your stepson begrudgingly says you can ride with him to your five-year high school reunion.

I realized I was doing everything exactly right.

We’re all going to die someday, but dumb toddlers usually don’t figure that out so soon. Whoops.

Have you heard of alternate nostril breathing?

The secret to rebuilding my confidence was admitting that I needed help – the help of a trusted therapist and of a pair of 5-foot-tall circus stilts.

We need to teach our boys consent, mutual respect, and how to freaking rock at magic.

Self care is important. That’s why we want you to listen to your body. No, like REALLY listen to it. Know what we’re saying?

Having mulled over all the evidence since the dawn of time, we’ve realized that sex with men was an atrocious mistake, and we must apologize.

If My Kids Love Me So Much, Why Won’t They Donate To My Patreon

Look, we all know you only browse yoga articles because maybe you’ll see a nipple or something. Whatever.

I thought my life was over when I changed my identity and was forced into hiding. But boy was I wrong

We know you loved Dad, but we also know you love the environment more. Use this opportunity to teach everyone about the true beauty of upcycling.

FYI it’s gonna fuck you up!

We prefer cash. Thanks.

I tried out this new Face/Off procedure so I could see what I could learn about my childhood in order to be able to exploit it for an internet article. Here is what I learned.

They’re so inspirational!

It’s basically spiritual diarrhea!

It’s easy!

If Dick Cheney had a period the Iraq war would have never been started because he would be too busy going to the hospital every full moon.

It was very much not okay in the end.

Do you know what it’s like to have your child come home with a report card that says she’s “such a bright student and a joy to be around” but says nothing – nothing – about you?

It’s so much healthier to bring your baby into the world with a water birth. And it costs next to nothing to do it down at the local pool!

We’ve all been there.

I already know the answer due to my years of experience as a dream interpreter, but have you tried watching something other than porn as you fall asleep?

Because therapy is expensive.

And wind chimes!

Crystals are supposed to manifest health and power but all I manifested was my swift and brutal downfall.

Read it and then provide at least several pages of feedback and suggestions. The talking hippo is named Everett and he mostly screams.

Live in the natural squalor you deserve.

The guy can really use the help, and I’m here to give it to him one 90 mile-an-hour moonstone fastball at a time.

The bros got Vince through eight seasons and one movie.

(Jerking off outside.)

Even if the people who own the zoo keep telling you to please stop doing that.

The toilet is where the pee-pee and poops leave your body,

A good doula is duty-bound to help you do things your way!

A therapist is just someone you pay to listen and be nice to you. At Trader Joe’s they do it for free.

Literally.

This year, my goal is to get shwiggity fuckin’ shwasted, and I can’t wait to get to it!

It’s a lot like pranic healing, but with more panic.

Did you know that lifehacks have been around for centuries, long before the birth of the digital revolution? Way before you could use your shoe as a makeshift cup-holder or a tennis ball as a catch-all storage device, societies around the world basically invented the lifehack through the ceremonial practice of Voodoo! Shockingly, modern lifehack […]