The Ultimate Warrior Sweet 16 Makeup Guide—Finally!
Hey, girl, this is your Sweet 16, and it can be easy to get overwhelmed by the details. But don’t forget: This is all about you! You only turn 16 once, and this is your chance to show your friends and family what a superstar you really are. Which is why we’re arming you with The Ultimate Warrior Sweet 16 Makeup Guide! We unearthed these tips from a 1989 interview with the then WWF World Heavyweight Champion (and world-renowned makeup enthusiast) The Ultimate Warrior.
YOUR ELDERS’ SPIRITS STARE DOWN IN JUDGEMENT UPON YOU!! THE CHIEFTAINS AND NOBLE WIMMEN WHO GUIDE YOUR TRIBE WILL MAKE PILGRIMAGE TO THIS MOST AUSPICIOUS CATERING HALL!
1. Prep Your Face Ahead Of Time
It’s never too early to start taking care of your skin, and a clean base is crucial. So make sure you gently exfoliate in the weeks leading up to your big day. And never go to bed with your makeup on.
HOW SHOULD YOU PREPARE?? SHOULD YOU JUMP OFF THE TALLEST BUILDING IN THE WORLD? SHOULD YOU LIE ON THE LAWN AND LET THEM RUN OVER YOU WITH LAWN MOWERS??
YOU MUST CLEANSE YOUR VISAGE WITH FIRE
COTTON SWABS AND WARM WATER WORK, TOO
SCRUB IN CIRCLES TO WIPE AWAY DEAD SKINNN!!!!!
(And don’t forget to visit your dermatologist! They’re doctors and they know what’s best.)
THE WISEMEN WILL OFFER THEIR GUIDANCE BUT THEY WILL FALL DOWN BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS WHEN THEY SEE YOUR PORES! SOOO CLEAN WITH THE POWER OF THE WARRIURRS!
2. Your Confident Self Is Your BEST Self
When it comes down to it, the best look for your Sweet 16 is the one that makes you feel the best. Looking good is feeling good, after all. So highlight your best qualities—like your cheekbones or eyes.
YOU CAME HERE FOR ONE REASON! TO ATTACK! AND KEEP COMING! NOT TO ASK BUT JUST TO GIVE NOT TO WANT BUT JUST TO SING! SING THE POWER OF THE WARRIOR FLOATING THROUGH THE VEINS!!
3. Keep It Young And Fun!
Never mind that smokey eye and heavy contour the latest Kardashian sister is wearing. You may be growing up, but you’re not there yet! Embrace this time in your life and don’t be in a rush to grow up.
MY WAR PAINT IS IMPRINTED DIRECTLY ONTO THE SOUL OF THE WARRIUH AND IT PERMEATES ITS WAY OUTSIDE OF MY SKULL FORCING THROUGH MY FLESH FOR ALL TO SEE!!
IF YOU WANT TO RUN WITH THE WARRIA FIRST YOU PAINT AN UPSIDE DOWN WU-TANG “W” ALL OVER YOUR FACE!! WU-TANG IS FOREVER BUT THE WARRIAAAA IS INEVITABLE!
THEN APPLY ANOTHER LAYER INSIDE OF THE FIRST LAYER BUT THIS TIME USE FLUORESCENT ORANGE ~ THE GODS DEMAND IT!!!
PAINT ANOTHER EVEN SMALLER INSIDE OF THAT ONE, BUT THIS TIME MAKE IT NEON GREEN LIKE THE SNOT OF A DYING HOUSE CAT!
WITHIN THIS VECTOR YOU WILL LAVISH ANOTHER LAYER, THIS TIME IT WILL BE HOT PINKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And it’s that easy, girl!