Kids from the ’80s and ’90s loved nothing more than catching a cartoon before we knew the planet was doomed. One of the best, we can all agree, was U.S. Acres, a charming pastoral cartoon about a group of farm animals shown between segments of Garfield. Unfortunately, in our innocent viewings, we probably missed the fact that they were a group of … farm animals … and those typically aren’t just raised for fun. In hindsight, you spent a lot of your childhood watching a relaxing cartoon about animals on their way to the slaughter. Take this quick quiz to figure out which U.S. Acres character you ate!
When choosing an entree, you want:
A) Something fatty and rich
B) Lean, gamey meat
C) An exotic and unexpected flavor
If You Picked A, You Ate Orson Pig!
Wow, congrats! You ate the main character. I guess your favorite catchphrase, “Give me everything with bacon,” jumped right over the part where a brave, literate pig was slaughtered brutally and sizzled to an herbed crust before heading down your gullet. Who will be Power Pig now? Will U.S Acres itself fall into disarray without his calming and authoritative presence? Sure, Orson had his faults, but also, you ate him, and we’re pretty horrified.
If You Picked B, You Ate Wade Duck!
That’s right, the U.S. Acres character you ate is a duck.We’d be disgusted by your cruelty if we weren’t also curious to know if you also ate his inner tube with the little duck on it, too. That wasn’t a garnish; it was the deflated safety blanket of an anxiety-ridden soul. It was also plastic, so honestly, what is wrong with you? We take it back. We are disgusted.
If You Picked C, You Ate Sheldon!
Really?! Your cravings are so grotesque, and your childhood so forgotten, that you summoned the will to eat an unhatched egg with legs sticking out? Poor sheltered, philosophical Sheldon met his end as you chomped down on his tender outer shell. Truthfully, we really hope the little guy got one glimpse of the world outside before you and your quest to “try every food” got in the way.
Which U.S. Acres character did you eat?
Images: Pexels, Jim Davis/CBS
View Comments (2)
Oh god, the worst! I ate Jon! I didn't think it was true, but here it is right in black and white internet lingo. I ate Jon. It doesn't sound so evil - after repeating it a few times. I need a lasagna to wash all of this truth down.
I'm sorry