Super Classy Ways To Say You Have The Runs

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Just because you have the runs doesn’t mean you still can’t keep it classy! Here’s some chic ways to say your ass is leaking.

“I am experiencing moderate posterior drainage so will not be attending today’s ladies’ luncheon.”

“My abdomen is ‘dancing.’ Perhaps we can reschedule?”

“I expect to be occupied in this Denny’s bathroom for quite some time, so it’s probably best you do not wait.”

“My booty juice cup has overfloweth.”

“I am going to shit in this bucket while we’re stuck in traffic. I suggest you open all the windows and pay me no mind.”

See?

Image: Pexels


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Toria Sheffield: Toria Sheffield's work has appeared in places like Reductress, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, and The Huffington Post Blog. She's won the Gold Prize for Comedy in the Page International Screenwriting Awards, and once made a web series called "Lawyers in Space" that nobody "got." She lives to make you laugh, and also to eat carbs.
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