You’ve slipped on your diaphanous robe, performed the spring dance of joy, and gotten rainbow carrots ready. That’s right: you’ve finally completed all the ritual requirements needed to summon a glorious magical Pegasus best friend from the realm of Disney’s Greek Mythology! But even though it was admittedly breathtaking when he broke through the sunset clouds and whinnied his welcome to you, something now seems…off. I know you imagined that by now you’d be galloping the skies together, but your Pegasus, turns out, is kinda a dick.
Your Pegasus Is Sad
If your PegPal (don’t call him that) is suffering from wing droop, roll-y eyes, and regular flopping to the ground instead of soaring majestically into the dawn, he might be depressed. Listen, suburban New Jersey is nice and all, but your Pegasus grew up dining on ambrosia apples and cantering through marshmallow clouds. He’s likely having difficulty with the transition and is withdrawn from normal Pegasus-bonding activities.
Solution: Get Your Pegasus Drunk
Your Pegasus Is Angry
He departed Mt Olympus less like a leaf on the wind and more like a bat outta hell. The truth is, he was having a FINE time being a GOD HORSE and he didn’t WANNA COME to your stupid human plane of existence. This type of pegasus transitional disorder is common in adolescent winged horsies, who often don’t have the communication or processing skills to discuss their needs and feelings. I mean, they never have those, they are basically just horses with an extras package. Still, as with every species, it’s worse when they’re teens. Anyway, if there’s lots of stamping and rearing going on, you got a mad meat airplane.
Solution: Fight Your Pegasus
Your Pegasus Has Imbibed Toxic Masculinity
When he crested the horizon and skidded to a graceful halt in that field of autumn leaves, you did find it slightly weird he had on a novelty t-shirt reading “Cool Story Babe Now Make Me A Hay.” As you led him toward the gleaming stable you had so meticulously designed, he butted you out of the way and stormed in first. Then he pooped on the floor and looked at you like it was your job to clean it up. Yes, unfortunately, due to the heavy bro climate of the Sacred Mountain Of The Gods, your Pegasus is misogynistic douchebag.
Solution: Enroll Your Pegasus In A Gender Studies Course
Check his sign, though. If it says “Justice For Milo,” it’s time to get a centaur.