I’m An Introvert And I Need Every Person On Earth To Know It
Only after I personally tell every sentient creature that I’m super shy will the world finally understand my struggles as an introvert.
Substitutions For Exotic Ingredients That Are, Ugh, Fine
Sure. Just google what’s in ras el hanout and blend together whatever shit you have in your spice rack.
These 5 Posh Hotels Have One Thing in Common: You’re Banned from Them
Not everybody gets to stay at the most beautiful and luxurious hotels in the world. Especially not you anymore after what you’ve done in them.
Try This Irresistible, Sense-Delighting, Open Wound Salve
Open wound salves are a huge part of my everyday routine, which is why I know not all salves are created equal. In fact, most wound ointments not only sting when applied, but they come out greasy—and no one wants to get that oily mess on a loved one or sexual partner. I need the […]
The Best Adult Summer Camps Conveniently Located Within The Perimeter Of My Inescapable Arizona Compound
Millennials are reportedly the least likely generation to consider themselves religious. And as the proud leader of my own legally-defined church, I find it greatly disheartening that this new generation appears to worship their Beyoncés and Andrew Garfields over the one true God. And considering the oppression my divine faith has received from the so-called […]
Beginner’s Guide To Dining Out When Your Country Hates You
We bet there are still a few places that would gladly let you dine out in their back alley at no extra cost.
Top Ten Epidemics It’s Time We Finally Talked About
Alright, we get it already. We’re all affected by the modern epidemics of plastic, autism, allergies, opiates, and Coldplay. We’re doing our fucking best, okay? But what about all the other epidemics out there that nobody is talking about? Read on for the Bunny Ears exclusive scoop on the top ten epidemics long overdue for […]
The Beginner’s Guide To Strip Club Dining
Welcome to The Beginner’s Guide to [Blank], our recurring series where our experts provide everything you need to know about your new endeavor, regardless of what it is. Life is full of exciting opportunities, and while it’s fine to tackle a new adventure on your own, we here at Bunny Ears know that it’s better […]
Single And Stuck On A Submarine? Then This Dating App Is For You!
If you’ve been single in the digital age, you know how the story goes: you meet the right guy and/or gal, you connect over your favorite episodes of The Office or where you were during Occupy Wall Street, and you start planting the seeds for a casual fling. You set the date. You set the […]
Caring for Those Wild Animals Infesting Your Home Thanks to Jumanji
So, you played Jumanji and now your house is filled to the brim with animals. What do you do now?
What Your Period Is Trying To Tell You About The NASDAQ
In our culture, when we talk about the NASDAQ Composite, most traders tend to focus on how it is “gross,” “messy,” and “not as good as the New York Stock Exchange.” But there’s a lot more to it. And, like a lot of things, the key to unlocking the NASDAQ’s deepest secrets might actually be […]
I Made A Raccoon My Life Coach And I’ve Never Been Happier
Rummage through the trash of life and find your true self!
Help! I’m Dating A Wrestling Monster, And He Cries Hardest When He Wins!
He says he has trouble controlling his happiness.
Planning the Perfect Ritualistic Maypole Party
If you’re gonna sacrifice a virgin, you better sacrifice a virgin the right way.
Meet Our New Au Pair, The Goblin King
Finding an au pair you can trust with your child is no small task. But we’ve come across a winner, and we want to share him with you!
My Crystal Altar Was RUINED by My Mother-In-Law
Dear Serendipity, My husband and I have a very loving and communicative relationship. There’s just one problem. His mother interferes with EVERYTHING. This weekend she was over for a visit, and when I came into the sunroom, I caught her REARRANGING the crystals on my crystal altar. As you covered in your response to Dear […]
Protect Our Nation’s Forests So I Have A Place to Play Pretend Witch
Thirty percent of the world’s area is covered in forest, yet miles and miles of trees are bulldozed every year to accommodate the agriculture industry, housing developments, and our favorite stationary products from Paper Source. Ugh, guilty! Their stuff is so cute! But not only does this destruction ruin natural animal habitats and increase the […]
“Real River Water Is All I Drink,” Crossfit Expert Piper Jackson
I Drink Water From A River. Hello. My name is Piper Jackson, and every morning I wake up and drink real river water. Yes, you read that right: I drink water from a river. River water- real river water– is the purest form of H2O you can get. There are no chemicals added to it, […]
Save The Bees So I Can Keep Using Their Venom To Get High
Bees are dying and we need to save them to maintain the human food supply and let me use their stingers to trip balls on the regular.
How To Use Therapy Speak To Haggle Down The Price Of Almost Anything
We as a society have spent far more time nurturing our physical health than our mental wellness. For decades, even whispering the words “anxiety journal” could earn a person a bunch of raised eyebrows and an un-invitation to Vicki’s gender reveal party. But times have changed! Mental healthcare is not only embraced and encouraged, it’s […]
How To Tell People You Have Herpes: With A Fresh and Fun ‘Herpes Reveal Party’
Acquiring oral herpes is one of the most exciting periods in life, and one of the most thrilling moments in this very special journey is sharing the good news with your family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors. People used to just find out they had herpes at the doctor, and that was it. Over the past few […]
We’re Discontinuing Our Charcoal Masks Because You’re A Bunch Of Racists
All you had to do was let the natural detoxifying wonders of charcoal clean out your pores. You couldn’t even do that without being racist, could you?
Thoughtful Gifts I Should’ve Gotten Mother Last Week, But Didn’t…
Growing up, my mother was one of my idols. She was beautiful, strong, busy (always very, very busy), but that’s also why she was so successful with her elbow modeling business. She has such delicate elbows (and so smooth, too). While Mother was traveling the world, rubbing those famous elbows with the Hollywood elite, my […]
Common Board Games For Building A Lifelong Rivalry Between Your Kids
Risk doesn’t have to be the only game that tears families apart! With a little manipulating even checkers can have your kiddos start a lifelong rivalry that’ll jumpstart them to greatness!
Life Lessons I Learned From The Feral Children Living In The Woods Behind My Home
As a trendsetter, you grow accustomed to learning new things in surprising places. I wouldn’t be the daring style icon I am today if I weren’t ready to adopt fashion ideas from, say, nature, or unexpected encounters with people below my income bracket, or even the various diverse cultures that my ancestors helped to oppress. […]
Travel Guide: The Car Trunk You’re Locked In
There’s a whole world of fun back there to enjoy while the goons drive you to the murder spot.
Thanks To Free Range Parenting, I Haven’t Seen My Kid In Weeks!
My daughter, Willow, has always been a free spirit. She loves to explore and solve problems on her own. I know every mother thinks their child is brilliant, but when she broke the time record at her Montessori school’s escape room, I knew I had a child who could handle herself. I first heard about […]
I Connected With My Deceased Father By Touching His Thermostat
He’s not a crime solving ghost, or a prophetic warning ghost. He’s just a cheap ghost.
How To Prevent Your Baby From Loving Your Au Pair More Than You
Can affluent moms ever catch a break? Between running your charities, maintaining perfect abs after childbirth, and crafting your own line of cruelty-free makeup from berries and charcoal, there’s hardly any time left to be a #BossBitch at motherhood. Hiring an au pair to take care of your exceptionally above-average child is a great solution […]
EXCLUSIVE: An Interview With The Long-Lost Mario Brother, Doug Mario
[After 30 years of rumors, research, speculation, close calls and wrong turns, we were able to track down and confirm the identity of the long-lost Mario brother, Doug Mario. The following is the unedited transcript of the interview published in its entirety.] BUNNY EARS So I guess let’s start simple, can you just tell us […]
What To See in Asia If You’re Pressed For Time And Only Interested In Bragging on Social Media
So, you’ve been given the exciting opportunity to travel to Asia, huh? Congratulations! But let us guess—your time there is limited, and you’re unsure of what sights and experiences you should prioritize so you can score some sick social media pics. That’s understandable, because Asia is huge! It has over five countries, and they all […]
We Can’t Get Over This Tiny House’s Adorable Tiny Eviction Notice
The idea that tiny houses are more affordable is a common misconception. If you put your mind to it, there’s no reason you can’t live beyond your means in less than 200 square feet of space. Beth and Mike Swendell found that out the hard way when they were recently evicted from a handcrafted, Nordic-accented tiny […]
Travel Guide: A Creepy Chocolate Factory For Which You’ve Won A Tour
Read this guide / when you slide / to a world of fear and trepidation.
Best Salt Scrubs To Use Before You Visit My Tribe Of Desert Cannibals
Don’t be afraid to really slather it into all your nooks and crannies, about 30-45 minutes before you roll into town
I Ate This One Thing Every Morning And It Changed My Life
To feel truly different, you’re going to have to make some real life alterations so that you don’t fall back into your old habits. I completely changed my life by eating the same unlikely thing every morning. And that thing is a box of thumbtacks.
We Invited the Street Sharks Creator to Chat About His New Luxury Line of Boulevard Sharks
If you loved Street Sharks you’ll love these luxurious new Boulevard Sharks. If you can afford them, which you almost certainly cannot.
A New York Lifestyle Guru’s Guide to Siberia
Siberia. A land of breathtaking vistas and serene snowscapes, where even the most frenetic of personalities can find space to take a deep breath and truly relax. Lifestyle enthusiast and fashion blogger Faye Kerr traded in her hectic city routine for a quaint aluminum cottage near the Putorana Mountains. She now brings us a glimpse […]
bunnyglow: The Radioactive Drink That Makes You Radiant
Here at Bunny Ears, we know that keeping up the required skin care routine is a real time investment. By law, the time we spend cleansing, toning, moisturizing, massaging, milking, praying, ritual dancing, and on and on can feel like such a waste. We’d much rather spend that time growing our careers and spending time […]