Help! My Dog Ate My Tarot Deck and Now She is Vibing VERY Major Arcana
I love writing for Bunny Ears, because our readers are so knowledgeable! They’ve got a perfectly manicured grip on so many topics, from crystal healing to crystal decorating. That’s why, instead of advising you on romantic woes and pelvic architecture, I now turn to you for help. Yesterday, my dog ate my tarot deck, and she seems to be going through some major life changes. I’m hoping you can help me figure out how to interpret her dramatic new vibes.
Powerful energy surrounds Buckles, my extremely high-performing border collie. The currents of fate encircle her, like the runoff from the waste treatment plant she’s not afraid to plop herself down in. Every. Time.
It makes sense that Buckles is vibing very major arcana. She is consistently the smartest dog at our dog park and was recently approached by a talent wrangler about an appearance in a dog food commercial. (No, he did not make eye contact with me as he slipped a card into her collar, but that’s okay! I’m not competing with my dog, no matter how many times I’ve spent an hour and a half driving to Santa Monica for a two-minute audition.) A less spiritually powerful dog might not have been able to eat a whole tarot deck, but Buckles is exceptional.
Okay, she didn’t eat the whole deck. There was one card that remained pristine and uneaten on my handwoven Moroccan rug: the Three of Swords. Everyone knows that the three of swords is a bitch, and not in a good way, like Buckles. The three of swords represents heartbreak, sadness, and betrayal. I guess Buckles left that one for me!
Some of the cards insist that Buckles is about to experience big changes in the love and sex departments. That must be why Buckles has been hitting it off with Large Sarge, a Chihuahua mix at our dog park. Buckles pooped out a good three quarters of the Devil, who rules over sensuality and can be very playful. That makes sense, considering the amount of time Large Sarge spends humping away at Buckles’s lower legs (it’s as far up as he can reach, bless his heart).
I’m not sure what it means that Buckles expelled about half of the Empress. I do know that she maintained full eye contact with me throughout the process. Does that make me the nurturing mother? I may not have literally given birth to Buckles, but I am her mother. I’m not sure what it means to see a fertility card when I’ve been single for two years and Buckles is spayed. Maybe the card is talking about the warm maternal love between us. I mean, come on, universe, leave a little spiritual upheaval for the rest of us!
I think this may mean that major changes are coming to Buckles’ life. The forces that surround her are powerful and unstoppable, like rampaging cattle (which she would love). Maybe I should finally take her to that herding class in Ojai. When I look into Buckles’s eyes (one blue, one brown), I can see the wheels turning. Everything is coming up Buckles, from one end or the other.