Tag Archives: Spiritual Wellness

FYI it’s gonna fuck you up!

We prefer cash. Thanks.

I tried out this new Face/Off procedure so I could see what I could learn about my childhood in order to be able to exploit it for an internet article. Here is what I learned.

They’re so inspirational!

It’s basically spiritual diarrhea!

Because things can go horribly wrong at literally any moment.

It’s easy!

Nothing says alibi like, “Look — it’s two different species of fern!”

If Dick Cheney had a period the Iraq war would have never been started because he would be too busy going to the hospital every full moon.

It was very much not okay in the end.

Do you know what it’s like to have your child come home with a report card that says she’s “such a bright student and a joy to be around” but says nothing – nothing – about you?

The less-practiced craft of Aromainjury will help you organically conquer that nosy coworker or messy roommate. Here are our favorite fragrances of annihilation!

It’s so much healthier to bring your baby into the world with a water birth. And it costs next to nothing to do it down at the local pool!

We’ve all been there.

I already know the answer due to my years of experience as a dream interpreter, but have you tried watching something other than porn as you fall asleep?

  Love yourself like you recently met yourself, have been dating successfully for a month and have been banging yourself nonstop.

Because therapy is expensive.

And wind chimes!

Crystals are supposed to manifest health and power but all I manifested was my swift and brutal downfall.

I don’t know how it works, but it does!

Read it and then provide at least several pages of feedback and suggestions. The talking hippo is named Everett and he mostly screams.

Live in the natural squalor you deserve.

The guy can really use the help, and I’m here to give it to him one 90 mile-an-hour moonstone fastball at a time.

“You do you!”

The bros got Vince through eight seasons and one movie.

(Jerking off outside.)

Even if the people who own the zoo keep telling you to please stop doing that.

You’re welcome in advance!

Read a book, you lowly swine!

The toilet is where the pee-pee and poops leave your body,

Honestly, what is bird box and why are all of my friends talking about it?

A good doula is duty-bound to help you do things your way!

I gave birth to him, and I can un-give it, too.

A therapist is just someone you pay to listen and be nice to you. At Trader Joe’s they do it for free.

Seriously. Do whatever the fuck you want.

Literally.

This year, my goal is to get shwiggity fuckin’ shwasted, and I can’t wait to get to it!

When someone you care about dies, it’s vital to keep the focus on what really matters: YOU!

I hope they let me play myself in the movie version of this story.

Because therapy is hard.

It’s a lot like pranic healing, but with more panic.

Scrub off dead skin cells AND all those disgusting comments you heard today.

Whenever you’re about to do something, stop to think “Would a happy person do this?” If the answer is no, recalibrate your plans.

Very few mortals have unlocked the true potential of Taco Bell’s taco 12-pack. I can’t blame them for not taking the plunge. But I say ‘Live Mas’

Mobile board yoga, the newest Hollywood fitness craze, is the real deal.