Tag Archives: Spiritual Wellness

FYI it’s gonna fuck you up!

We prefer cash. Thanks.

I tried out this new Face/Off procedure so I could see what I could learn about my childhood in order to be able to exploit it for an internet article. Here is what I learned.

They’re so inspirational!

It’s basically spiritual diarrhea!

It’s easy!

If Dick Cheney had a period the Iraq war would have never been started because he would be too busy going to the hospital every full moon.

It was very much not okay in the end.

Do you know what it’s like to have your child come home with a report card that says she’s “such a bright student and a joy to be around” but says nothing – nothing – about you?

It’s so much healthier to bring your baby into the world with a water birth. And it costs next to nothing to do it down at the local pool!

We’ve all been there.

I already know the answer due to my years of experience as a dream interpreter, but have you tried watching something other than porn as you fall asleep?

Because therapy is expensive.

And wind chimes!

Crystals are supposed to manifest health and power but all I manifested was my swift and brutal downfall.

Read it and then provide at least several pages of feedback and suggestions. The talking hippo is named Everett and he mostly screams.

Live in the natural squalor you deserve.

The guy can really use the help, and I’m here to give it to him one 90 mile-an-hour moonstone fastball at a time.

The bros got Vince through eight seasons and one movie.

(Jerking off outside.)

Even if the people who own the zoo keep telling you to please stop doing that.

The toilet is where the pee-pee and poops leave your body,

A good doula is duty-bound to help you do things your way!

A therapist is just someone you pay to listen and be nice to you. At Trader Joe’s they do it for free.

Literally.

This year, my goal is to get shwiggity fuckin’ shwasted, and I can’t wait to get to it!

It’s a lot like pranic healing, but with more panic.

Whenever you’re about to do something, stop to think “Would a happy person do this?” If the answer is no, recalibrate your plans.

Mobile board yoga, the newest Hollywood fitness craze, is the real deal.

Seeking a spirit animal can be hard, so we recommend this LG Electronics 84-Inch Cinema 3D 4K Ultra HD 120hz Smart TV with six pairs of 3D glasses purchased through our amazon affiliate link!

There are many ways to handle being called out by black people, so here are our favorites!

Your favorite color reveals both your preferences for physical and spiritual connections, but also some pretty graphic details about how you’ll snuff it.

You’re focusing on trying to enter a zone of heightened consciousness, but your guided meditation instructor keeps saying ‘marinate’ instead of ‘meditate.’

It happens every time: I invite a friend over for brunch, a tarot reading, or an intravenous drug party, and they soon notice that my house is clearly haunted. It’s admittedly hard to miss— objects fly around seemingly of their their volition, and there’s that faint, creepy whispering from deep within the walls. I try to […]

I’m not typically so skeptical on first introductions. I’ve tried a lot of non-traditional therapies. I had to admit, however, that the atmosphere of this waiting room was … unusual. The receptionist was covered in silver body paint and wearing what looked like paintball safety gear. An entire wall of the room was devoted to […]

I love writing for Bunny Ears, because our readers are so knowledgeable! They’ve got a perfectly manicured grip on so many topics, from crystal healing to crystal decorating. That’s why, instead of advising you on romantic woes and pelvic architecture, I now turn to you for help. Yesterday, my dog ate my tarot deck, and […]

I never thought I’d be saying this, but here I am: I floated in a sensory deprivation tank and turned into the baby from 2001: A Space Odyssey. I feel like I might be one with the universe but mostly I’m pretty stressed about being naked and worried everyone is going to see my space […]

It’s a scientific fact that humankind evolved from an ancient ancestor that crawled out of the ocean and onto the shore. It’s also a known fact that all men (and women!) must return to the sea one day and once more live among the fish and dolphins. Traditionally, most people have waited until their seventies or eighties […]

Life is…not great. You’ve been at your job for nearly three years and there’s zero chance of a promotion. The guy you’ve been seeing for months refuses to call himself your boyfriend. Your favorite clothes are falling apart or—almost worse—don’t even fit any more. You go to the doctor, and he basically tells you to […]

Dogs are amazing creatures. They’re intelligent, empathetic, and they care so much about their owners that, at times, they even come to resemble them. Why, just take my adorable li’l pupper! When I watch tennis on TV, he’s right there with me following the ball, and even pawing at it with his foofins! And when […]

Healing crystals are the perfect synthesis of science and metaphysics. It’s only natural to want to add that to your extant self-care routine of getting blitzed on giggle greens all day. Fortunately for you, crystal pipes fuse the natural vibrational energy of quartz with the swift rush of that dank herb. Choosing Your Crystal Pipe […]

As magical women of the mother moon, we are blessed with the abilities to glide through existence in tune with both the feminine and masculine parts of our souls. Every day offers a new balance, as we want to be both coyly sensual, the living embodiment of a Shakespearean paramour, as much as we encapsulate […]

Vaginal rejuvenation surgery is very popular among rich, straight, cis female readers, but is it really necessary? After all, most of those readers don’t realize their husband definitely fucked a couch in middle school. Your vagina is perfectly fine the way it is—men will have sex with it and literally anything else on the planet. […]

Forget moisturizer, anti aging cream, acne products, facial cleanser, medical hazard eye wash, propranolol, peanut butter so your dog will take her pills, lip balm, wound balm, elbow balm, elephant balm—forget all the balms! Forget cyst rub, antifungal cream, antibacterial cream, engine lube and Abreva. In fact, forget going to doctors, dentists, and car mechanics […]

A wise man I called “Dad,” though that may or may not have been his name, once sat me on his knee and said “Son, you ain’t shit.” What followed were two hours of the most important, and unprompted, verbal abuse I’ve ever received. Too many people nowadays think that they can “do anything as long […]