Fetish of the Month: Docking On Your Bros
What’s up, hornyheads?! It’s time to get more connected to the platonic bros in your life—specifically if you’re a dude who knows lots of dudes you’re totally chill with.
Welp, good thing there’s no better way than to bond with the rad dudes in your life than by pulling some foreskin over onto another guy’s member, thereby transmitting that sweet rad dude energy between yourselves. That’s why our current fetish of the month is…
Docking on your bros!
Frat parties and butt-chugging kegs are so passé. Sure they get you drunk and horny, but no one’s good at naked stuff when they’ve tossed back too many, so stop kidding yourself. If you really wanna turn it up a notch with your dudes, offer up a docking sesh during a Friday night game of truth or dare. We know you still play it!
Get Docked Up
Studies have shown that docking on your bros increases a man’s vitality levels more than yelling at women on the street or chugging Monster Energy drinks. It’s also shown to increase lifelong male friendship by 51%, something that not even the best frisbee golf leagues or Reddit message boards can provide.
Now, how doth thou dock? Simple! Make sincere eye contact with your best bro, then take turns pulling each other’s foreskin over the tip of the other’s penis. Make sure to giggle all the way through it! Not only does docking test the limits of what you can do to your dick, but it also makes you a better communicator. Why? Because docking is all about teamwork and connection and can be painful as hell.
To really make the most of docking, distract yourself from the stretched dick pain and bring toys and games into it! When you build a strong bridge by your conjoined penises—extra props if you’re both hard! —Amp up the fun by sliding your childhood Hot Wheels cars along your dick highway and see whose roads are the bumpiest!
Include Your Pet Bros
And don’t hog the fun just for the humans! A solid dock can fit up to 5 to 6 parakeets, and birds’ feet tickle real nice! Be sure to also invite spectators, either potential lovers or intrigued strangers, to come by and check out your strong dick bridge. They will definitely be impressed and turned on!
Now, we understand that not everyone dude is lucky enough to be able to dock because most Western men have been butchered by the religious terrorism that is circumcision.
If you and your rad dudes find yourself without the option of a foreskinned friend’s peener to land on, that means you have too many American friends! Travel the world—or find someone from another country in an ESL course—and make a new pal! Then ask if that accented man is willing to pull his wrapper over your candy bar, because, what can we say? Boys will be boys!