Courtney Paige Barnett writes and performs sketch comedy in Los Angeles in between complaining about her mom on Twitter.
We Hired An Expert To Smell Our Farts
We believe in being introspective and learning about ourselves. That’s why we hired serious professionals to smell our farts.
Color Of The Month: Mortified Pale
I’m mortified just thinking of what to write here!
What You Need To Know About Butt Hickeys
They’re like regular hickeys, but on your butt.
I Accidentally Recorded Myself Eating And Now I’m A Twitch Millionaire
It’s a thing, apparently?
My Child’s Private School Is Diverse In That There Are Black Dolls
I couldn’t be more thrilled.
A Log Of Every Inadequate Day Since Smelling This $140 Candle
“I’m in hell.”
Be The Most Fascinating Person at The Party By Drinking Mulled Urine
Hear me out, I don’t like the taste of piss. But I do like how it makes me appear interesting.
Fetish of the Month: Docking On Your Bros
Frat parties and butt-chugging kegs are so passé. Sure they get you drunk and horny, but no one’s good at naked stuff when they’ve tossed back too many, so stop kidding yourself.
Clear Purses To Show Everyone Just How Much You Spit Into Your Purse!
Yes, we SPIT in our purses!
Make Eye Contact With The Groupon People In Your Pilates Class
At Bunny Ears we’re all about finding new ways to give back while still putting yourself first
Protect Our Nation’s Forests So I Have A Place to Play Pretend Witch
Thirty percent of the world’s area is covered in forest, yet miles and miles of trees are bulldozed every year to accommodate the agriculture industry, housing developments, and our favorite stationary products from Paper Source. Ugh, guilty! Their stuff is so cute! But not only does this destruction ruin natural animal habitats and increase the […]
Consuming Activated Cashews Is Like Getting Railed By Mr. Peanut And We Can’t Recommend It Enough
These delicious, healthful activated cashews are so godammned good you’ll literally feel like you’re getting pounded by Mr. Peanut.
Flowy Dresses That’ll Make Wind Go, ‘Whoosh! Me Wanna See What’s Under There!’
Nothing makes you feel more like a carefree woman with a bottomless bank account than a summer’s breeze brushing expensive fabric onto your freshly-waxed labia. But did you know that sometimes that laissez-faire sensual freedom can attract unwanted sexual attention? No, we’re not just talking about men—we mean something even more powerful. The weather! The […]
Cultures You Can Safely Appropriate Because They Don’t Have Internet
It’s hard to not want to dress in the styles of other cultures, especially when you were born into something as boring as white! But romanticizing the aesthetics of a world you weren’t raised in, yet very much respect purely for fashion’s sake, can no longer be done without accusations of cultural appropriation. So thank […]
Mmm Look at This Pie I Baked That None of My Thin Children Are Allowed to Eat
After spending an entire weekend indoors baking and decorating like a madwoman, my Pinterest foodie page is off the frickin’ charts right now. Look at this pie. Look at it. When it comes to pretty food, I am Michelangelo. But just as you do not touch the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, none of my […]
Balance Your Masculine and Feminine Energies By Almost Beating a Man to Death and Nurturing Him Back to Health
As magical women of the mother moon, we are blessed with the abilities to glide through existence in tune with both the feminine and masculine parts of our souls. Every day offers a new balance, as we want to be both coyly sensual, the living embodiment of a Shakespearean paramour, as much as we encapsulate […]
I Pierced My Clit To Enhance My Sex Life And All It’s Gotten Me Is Months of Explaining That To People
I remember hearing from one of my sluttier friends that piercing your clit makes your orgasms better and basically feels like you’re always a little lady hard. Heck yes, I thought! Once I have the time to let one of this baby properly heal, like when I’m unemployed and can just lay around with my […]
Stop Saying I Have Daddy Issues Just Because I Call Them My Dead Gary Issues
I’d like to send a message to all the men I’ve dated, am currently dating, and who moved out of state after I emotionally ruined them. That message is: One cannot have “daddy issues” when they have no daddy physically present on this planet to give provide them with said issues. When I bring up my […]
Vintage Looks So Authentic We Swear You’ll Contract Polio
Vintage looks are not only environmentally sustainable enough to cancel out brunch queen’s Skyler’s HydroFlask collection, but donning retro style will never stop being stylish AF. They symbolize the poise and elegance of a time long gone, when slim silhouettes were both chic and easily maintained by contracting that helpful calorie-burning whooping cough. Here are […]