Make Eye Contact With The Groupon People In Your Pilates Class
It’s hard to maintain a high-level of philanthropy every day of the week when most of your favorite animal shelters close while you’re still waiting in rush hour traffic. Your heart is in the right place, but if you cared for literally every sick thing it would only hinder your own self-care regimen.
Don’t sweat your lack of available time to remind everyone that you are wealthier than them and, instead, practice mindfulness by finding new ways to give back while still putting yourself first. The simplest way I found this to be possible was by acknowledging to the people in my workout groups clearly there on a discount that I still view them as human beings.
My morning pilates class is typically full of mainstay regulars. Most are now exceptionally toned while one is, well, I don’t know why she bothers, honestly. But then there are the occasional newbies that I only see for a month and never come back. Shocked as to why they wouldn’t want to maintain a tight core for more than 30 days at a time, I asked my instructor if she was doing something wrong or if my perfect form was intimidating. That’s when she told me about Groupon.
I’ve never heard of discounts, especially for necessities like fitness classes that help you fuck well, but I realized even people that have to buy groceries at the 99 cents store also might like to feel good. I just had no idea I would ever be this close to one when both of us are sweating! At the very least, today’s good deed had been realized.
I singled them out pretty swiftly this morning. I took a later class than usual in between floral shopping and brunch with my ex-husband’s sister (we’re still good friends!) and noticed two women who didn’t seem high strung or like they’d had work done. I was feeling particularly blissed out from sniffing so much lavender at the florist’s that I decided I would place myself two spots down from them. I was wary of sitting to close in case they compliment my Lululemons and I have to awkwardly tell them that there’s no use in liking them because they can’t afford them. I’m not a monster!
Now, suggestions for those planning on spreading joy by acknowledging the poors in your boutique exercise class: you must only make eye contact one and deliver a smile just toothless enough that is polite but not overly friendly. Locking gazes more than once or showing your new porcelain veneers can come across as friendship, and you can’t bother befriending people who can’t afford to be invited to Santa Barbara weekends. A single glance and a polite smile are just enough to say, “I’m so proud of you for working hard to get out of your situation” and, “I voted Democrat when I was younger.”
I nodded at Groupon #1 as we refilled our water bottles and Groupon #2 in the mirror mid-plank. I don’t necessarily think the mirror counts, as mirrors are just a reflection of ourselves and not our physical truth, so I might try again the next time I see her. I’ll have to go out of my way to attend the same 11:00 class, however, as I assume she is jobless and has the free time to attend late morning sessions. Either way, I know they both appreciated the gesture.
As I waved goodbye to the front desk girl, I overheard Groupon #1 asking her about the free classes that come with checking people in and wiping down mats. Good for her, I thought. I’m sure my politeness encouraged her to pursue a career in the firm thigh industry and I hope to one day have her as my instructor.
As I exited and handed my number off to the valet, I spotted Groupon #2 at the end of the block. At first, I assumed she was simply standing still because she has no job to hurry to, but then a bus pulled up. And SHE got on! We are deeper than I imagined, ladies. This is going to take a lot more eye contact, but first I must alert the front desk girl about sterilizing the apparatuses more thoroughly. Groupon AND bus? That’s a level 4 good deed. I’m such a good person.
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…