6 Bathrobes Perfect For Doing Coked-Up Naked Karate
Have you ever felt just a little TOO nude while doing naked karate?
The Hottest New Look Is Bleaching Then Tie-Dying Your Butthole
Bleaching your butthole is out. Bleaching then TIE-DYING your butthole is very in.
Hogwarts Sex: Where You’ll Get It On, According To The Zodiac
Don’t tell us you’ve never thought about it.
My Secret Ingredient Is Love, Which Has Been Recalled Due To Fecal Contamination
Literal (tainted) love.
A Guide For First-Time Fathers Who Are Also Frankensteins
Parenting is hard—and it’s even harder when you’re a Frankenstein.
Have An Eco-Friendly Halloween By Decorating With Real Corpses
They’re 100% biodegradable and look fantastic!
A Simple Guide To Wines So You Don’t Look Like A Caveman At Dinner
Avoid humiliation, you giant barbarian.
Reduce Carbon Emissions By Soldering Your B-Hole Shut
Do you want to be part of the problem, or the solution?
Color Of the Month
Color Of The Month: The Slightly Gray Skin Under Your Exhausted Eyes
It goes with literally everything—especially your tears.
Color Of The Month: Artificial Banana Flavoring (Synesthesia Edition!)
It’s literally all we can hear, taste, and smell.
Color Of The Month: Green Ketchup
Some call it an abomination. We call it the official color of November 2019!
The Best Cakes To Smash Into Your Face When Trying To Fool A Social Worker
Keep this insane ruse going just a little longer!
Red Eyeshadow Is The Hottest New Look Until I Recover From This Infection
‘There’s just so much pus.’
Fetish Of The Month
Fetish Of The Month: Constant, Laborious Dedication To Getting Me Off
It takes both time and commitment to get me anywhere even close to an orgasm.
Food and Recipes
Alexander The Grape Is Back From The Dead, Unlike Your Grandma
And so is Mr. Melon, Johnny Appletreats, and the Cherry Clan!
A Handy Recipe For Homemade Adderall
Save yourself some money (and a visit with your “guy”) by making your own Adderall at home. Now FOCUS.
Let Us Prepare For The Arrival Of Father Depression!
The days are getting colder, and that means Father Depression is on his way.
Who You’ll Come Back To Haunt After You Die, Based On Your Sign!
Will it be Janice? Or maybe Bill Cosby?
How Each Zodiac Sign Will Ruin Your Carefully Planned Art Heist
Your failure is written in the stars.
Macaulay Culkin Answers Your Dumb Questions
Mack Answers Your Dumb Questions: ‘Which ’90s Snack Food Would You Bring Back?’
You asked, Mack answered.
Mack Answers Your Dumb Questions: ‘What’s The Biggest Misconception About You?’
You asked, I answered!
Mack Answers Your Dumb Questions: ‘What’s Your Favorite Grilled Cheese Recipe?’
“Grilled cheese” is a relative term.
How To Talk To Your Teens About The Dangers Of James Woods
It might be uncomfortable, but it’s necessary.
Quiz: Which ‘They Don’t Think It Be Like It Is, But It Do’ Are You?
They don’t think it be like it is! But it do.
I Made A Raccoon My Life Coach And I’ve Never Been Happier
Rummage through the trash of life and find your true self!
Vacation Guide: The Closet Of The Woman You’re Having An Affair With
Take in the view of those hangers!
What To Do With That Icelandic Elf You Accidentally Murdered
It was somewhere between Reykjavík and Midborg.
Travel Guide: The Inside Of A JNCO Jeans Leg
These jeans are the ultimate staycation location for those times you want to get away but don’t want to go very far.
The Best Foods To Eat In Your Room While Your Parents Fight Downstairs
This is how you learned to eat your feelings.
Stubborn Fan Still Chants ‘ECW!’ At Shows
“Is he just chanting ‘NXT’ wrong?” asks 23-year-old Velveteen Dream.
All The Non-Mutant Superheroes Trying To Get On That ‘Freaky, Sexy Island’
Krakoa is getting REALLY popular.
‘Daily Bugle’ Editor Demands TikTok Footage Of Spider-Man
He’s reportedly been ranting about it for months.
Galaxys For Hire
Two outlaw sisters go on the run from an army when they learn the ship they’ve called home is the final puzzle piece of an ancient giant robot capable of unmaking reality. A sex-bot army and the secret history of the universe will follow!
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They’re weird, they’re funny, and they’re always so pretty! The Goldin Rules always offers something different! You’ll never see the same joke twice!
Ana’s Dollhouse Presents: Art Friends
Welcome to Art Friends. A weekly web-comic brought to you by Ana Bagayan, the creator of viral-hit Ana’s Dollhouse!
It’s better than ‘Family Circus’ but shittier than ‘Marmaduke’ because everything is shittier than ‘Marmaduke.’
TV and Movies
Uh Oh, Your Dead Wife Has Been Retconned Back To Being Alive!
Your new girlfriend is NOT gonna be happy.
Quiz: Which ‘80s Sitcom Dad Did Your Mom Most Likely Jerk It To?
Was it Carl Winslow? Or maybe Danny Tanner?