Articles

I Tried The ‘Link’s Awakening’ Reboot And The Chickens Have Unionized

6 mins ago by Hana Michels

Should You Visit That Alternate Universe Where You’re A God?

There’s a LOT to consider.

by Michael McCollor

‘Tropico 6’ To Feature Enormous New Island, ‘Acirema’

It’s apparently the most dysfunctional nation yet!

by Frankie Griffen

AEW Inspired Me To Do More “Cowboy Shit” But I Think I’m Doing It Wrong

Have you ever tried making hay?

by Angelo Fazio

Lifestyle

5 Ways Mindfulness Can Help You Get Your Money’s Worth At The Seafood Buffet

Breathe into those feelings of fullness…

by Michael McCollor

Fabulous Fall Crafts To Take Your Mind Off Wesley’s Thunderdick

He’s made it clear that he’s moved on.

How To Tell Which One Of Your Exotic Birds Ate Your Jewels

By god, those jewels must be found!

Natural Deodorants You Can Technically Eat If It Ever Came Down To That

Your body deserves the best.

See all Lifestyle »

Beginners Guides

A Quick Guide To Using Ebay, Completely Unrelated To My Eviction Notice

Seriously. I’m doing fine.

by Rani Baker

How To Look Really, Really, Really Cool In Front Of Your Therapist

In 14 Easy Steps

A Guide To Detoxing Your Red Dead Online Character

More than 150 million Americans play video games, many online. And from what we’ve heard, online gaming is apparently one of the most toxic environments around.

The Beginner’s Guide To Salt (Because There’s A LOT Of Options)

You probably don’t have anything meaningful to do right now anyway.

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Butt Stuff

This App Reveals Your Genealogy—Just Stick Your Phone Up Your Butt!

There’s a wealth of information in your butthole.

by Zanandi Botes

Mack Talks To Sexpert Raya Carmona About Sex, Intimacy, And (Yes) Butt Stuff

They talk about sex, intimacy, and (yes) butt stuff.

Butt Chic: The Best Tushy Tattoos of 2019

Ink is beautiful.

What You Need To Know About Butt Hickeys

They’re like regular hickeys, but on your butt.

See all Butt Stuff »

Color Of the Month

Color Of The Month: Blue Balls Blue

It hurts so pretty.

by Anabel and Genevieve Kane

Color Of The Month: ’90s Plaid

Pair it with Jordan Catalano hair and deep ennui.

Yellow Is For Fuck Buddies: Learn The New Romantic Language Of Roses

Roses are still the flowers of romance, but if you are giving anyone a bouquet of white roses for their purity in 2019, you need to update your ideas.

The Newest Spring Color Is Gray Because All The Plants Have Died

We might be living in a lifeless, barren wasteland, but it’s nothing a little color wouldn’t spruce up if we hadn’t killed every color but grey!

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Fashion

Style Alert! Puffy Sleeves Full Of Snacks

They hold so much jerky.

by Lydia Bugg

The Best Sweaters With Vomit Already On Them To Get Shitfaced In

Finally.

What Nail Polish To Wear Based On Who You’re Flipping Off Today

Because it definitely will be someone.

Fun Winter Hats To Cover The Spots Where Your Brain Soaks Through

We’ve all been there.

See all Fashion »

Fetish Of The Month

Fetish Of The Month: Barely Legal Turtles Who Live In Sewers

Don’t kink shame me.

by Lydia Bugg

Fetish of the Month: Getting Slimed!

Everything to know about this extremely specific kink.

What Your Favorite La Croix Flavor Says About Your Sex Life

Are you a Passionfruit? Perhaps a Key Lime?

Fetish Of The Month: Dick Farts

Seriously.

See all Fetish Of The Month »

Food and Recipes

D-Tea-F: Herbal Teas That’ll Horny You Up

From Snuckleberry root to Gingerminge.

by Erik Barnes

Meatless Burgers Ranked By How Bad They Made Me Shit My Pants

The definitive list.

Fall Recipes For Your Kids To Try While You Fuck Their Gym Teacher

PB&J is fall, right?

See all Food and Recipes »

Health

Treat Erectile Dysfunction By Dangling “It” Over A Pool Of Hungry Piranhas

Like, VERY hungry.

by Heidi Lux

Wilford Brimley Shares His Secret To Staying So Old

You don’t stay this decrepit by doing nothing.

Build Your Immune System By Not Washing Your Hands After You Poop

It’s science!

A Good Night’s Sleep Made Me A Much More Efficient Asshole

And it can work for you, too!

See all Health »

Horoscopes

How Each Zodiac Sign Will Ruin Your Carefully Planned Art Heist

Your failure is written in the stars.

by Luis Prada

Who You’ll Bang In The Animaniacs Universe According To Your Sign

Minerva Mink? Or perhaps the Godpigeon?

What You’d Shoplift From Lowe’s Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Will it be garden soil? Or perhaps a mailbox?

What You’ll Choke To Death On Based On Your Star Sign

The other alternative is to just keep your big mouth shut and starve to death. #horoscopes

See all Horoscopes »

Macaulay Culkin Answers Your Dumb Questions

What’s In Mack’s Medicine Cabinet? Oh, It’s A Bunch Of Dead Parrots

What? Oh no.

by Lydia Bugg

Mack Answers Your Dumb Questions: ‘Which ’90s Snack Food Would You Bring Back?’

You asked, Mack answered.

Mack Answers Your Dumb Questions: ‘What’s The Biggest Misconception About You?’

You asked, I answered!

Mack Answers Your Dumb Questions: ‘What’s Your Favorite Grilled Cheese Recipe?’

“Grilled cheese” is a relative term.

See all Macaulay Culkin Answers Your Dumb Questions »

Parenting

Why Doesn’t Your Baby Give A Damn About The Suffering Of Polar Bears?

Frankly, it’s unacceptable.

by Zanandi Botes

9 Unique Baby Names That Will Satisfy Your Bottomless Need For Attention

Like ‘Duvet Cover’!

My New Year’s Resolution Is To Shove My Son Back Up In There

I gave birth to him, and I can un-give it.

How To Tell Your Child They Were Conceived To A Papa Roach Album

You can do this.

See all Parenting »

Relationships

I Bought A Sex Robot. Why Don’t You Wanna Hang Out Anymore?

Is it jealousy? It’s probably jealousy.

by Frankie Griffen

Which Disney’s ‘Gargoyles’ Character Reflects Your Fuck Style?

Is it Goliath? Or maybe Bronx?

Sex Tips To Make Your Boyfriend Go, ‘Gross, Why Do You Want That?’

Want to make things weird?

How To Navigate Your Parent-Teacher Conference With Your New Wife-Pillow

Allow us to help.

See all Relationships »

Spiritual Wellness

Alright, Who The Fuck Feng Shui’ed My Cubicle?

I’m going to kick their ass.

by Luis Prada

Hey, You Left Your Space Heater On. Or Did You?

We need to turn the car around.

Stop Assuming I’m Free-Spirited Just Because I’m A Sagittarius

I’m actually very boring.

For The Last Time, I’m An Electrician, Not An Energy Healer

I truly don’t know how much clearer I can be on this.

See all Spiritual Wellness »

Travel Guides

Vacation Guide: The Closet Of The Woman You’re Having An Affair With

Take in the view of those hangers!

by Anabel and Genevieve Kane

What To Do With That Icelandic Elf You Accidentally Murdered

It was somewhere between Reykjavík and Midborg.

Travel Guide: The Inside Of A JNCO Jeans Leg

These jeans are the ultimate staycation location for those times you want to get away but don’t want to go very far.

See all Travel Guides »

Macaulay Culkin

Mack Reveals Whether Or Not He Considers Himself An A-Hole

It’s another Bunny Ears podcast follow up!

by Toria Sheffield

Macaulay Culkin Forgot The Rat King Was In ‘The Nutcracker’ With Him

“You know, I’m sad, but I’m not surprised,” the Rat King said.

Mack Shares The Craziest Thing He’s Ever Read About Himself

It’s another podcast follow up!

Mack Shares His Thoughts On Crafting The Perfect Sext

It’s a follow up to this week’s podcast on SEX with sexpert Raya Carmona.

See all Macaulay Culkin »

Our Favorite Articles

Exclusive: Macaulay Culkin Interviews The Swarm Of Bees From My Girl

(Editors Note: After a considerable amount of negotiation between a phalanx of lawyers, agents, managers, publicists, stylists, socialists and one 76-year-old beekeeper from Arizona, Bunny Ears is proud to share the EXCLUSIVE reunion interview between Macaulay Culkin and the swarm of bees that viciously attacked him in the 90’s hit My Girl. What follows was transcribed, […]

by Shawn DePasquale