Articles

My Sex Robot Can Love, But It Can’t Find My Clitoris

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3 Places To Build A BioShock City Devoted To Your Corrosive Right-Wing Ideals

Like deep inside a mountain!

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Why Are Young People Having So Little Sex With Me?

There must be a logical explanation.

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I’m Building A Neighborhood Garden No Matter What My Asshole Neighbors Say

Those ingrates will thank me later.

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All Things Macaulay Culkin

Mack Shares His Weirdest Paparazzi Story (Follow Up To The Bob Saget Ep!)

On this week’s follow up to the Bunny Ears podcast, we delve deeper into some of the things Macaulay Culkin talked about with comedian Bob Saget. We sat down with Mack and got answers to things including (but not limited to) Macaulay Culkin’s weirdest paparazzi story and Macaulay Culkin’s worst injury ever. Yep, we got […]

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Macaulay Culkin hotel
Introducing Culk-Inn, The World’s First Macaulay Culkin-Themed Luxury Hotel

Note: We only serve cheese pizza.

Macaulay Culkin and Jeff Ross follow up
Podcast F-U: Follow-Up To The Jeff Ross Ep

The Podcast F-U!

Mack Shares His Favorite Dad Jokes (They’re Really Bad, Guys)

We’re sorry in advance.

See all All Things Macaulay Culkin »

Lifestyle

How To Navigate Your Parent-Teacher Conference With Your New Wife-Pillow

Allow us to help.

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Rory Culkin’s New Website Is An Abomination And Also Our Biggest Rival

Rory can’t be trusted.

homemade adderall recipe
A Handy Recipe For Homemade Adderall

Save yourself some money (and a visit with your “guy”) by making your own Adderall at home. Now FOCUS.

fart at the gym
So, You Farted While Doing Crunches At The Gym. Now What?

You can get through this.

See all Lifestyle »

Beginners Guides

A Simple Guide To Wines So You Don’t Look Like A Caveman At Dinner 

Avoid humiliation, you giant barbarian.

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concealing your conjoined twin
Tips For Concealing Your Hideous Conjoined Twin

Because everybody has one. Right?

using ebay
A Quick Guide To Using Ebay, Completely Unrelated To My Eviction Notice

Seriously. I’m doing fine.

make therapist like you
How To Look Really, Really, Really Cool In Front Of Your Therapist

In 14 Easy Steps

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Butt Stuff

Summer’s Hottest Look Is Bleaching Then Tie-Dying Your Butthole

Bleaching your butthole is out. Bleaching then TIE-DYING your butthole is very in.

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stick up your butt
Summer Staples We Don’t Recommend You Stick Up Your Butt (This Time)

We’re saying ‘yes’ to summer and ‘no more’ to your lawsuits!

Your Butthole Is A Flower That Needs To Be Tended

Stop treating your A-hole like your B-hole.

ginger up your butt
Even We’re Not Dumb Enough To Put Ginger Up Our Butts

We’ve got the ‘sticking stuff up your butt’ beat covered, thanks.

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Color Of the Month

Color Of The Month: ’90s Plaid

Pair it with Jordan Catalano hair and deep ennui.

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romantic language of roses
Yellow Is For Fuck Buddies: Learn The New Romantic Language Of Roses

Roses are still the flowers of romance, but if you are giving anyone a bouquet of white roses for their purity in 2019, you need to update your ideas.

spring color
The Newest Spring Color Is Gray Because All The Plants Have Died

We might be living in a lifeless, barren wasteland, but it’s nothing a little color wouldn’t spruce up if we hadn’t killed every color but grey!

mortified pale
Color Of The Month: Mortified Pale

I’m mortified just thinking of what to write here!

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Fetish Of The Month

Fetish of the Month: Getting Slimed!

Everything to know about this extremely specific kink.

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your favorite La Croix flavor
What Your Favorite La Croix Flavor Says About Your Sex Life

Are you a Passionfruit? Perhaps a Key Lime?

dick fart fetish
Fetish Of The Month: Dick Farts

Seriously.

subscription boxes
Fetish Of The Month: Subscription Boxes

Don’t act like you don’t have a thousand favorite subscription boxes.

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Food and Recipes

The Summer Guide To Eating Hard Boiled Eggs On The Beach

Mmm, they’re so slimy.

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food hall
Hey—This Food Hall Is Just A Food Court With Fancy Lights!

We see you.

made of candy
This Hotel Is So Much More Than a Hotel—It’s Made of Candy, Children

Do come in!

coffee and drugs
Which Drug Pairs Best With Your Morning Coffee?

From cocaine to molly!

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Health

Dick-Slimming Condoms To Hide Your Dick Fat

Finally!

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ball pit immersion therapy
Boost Your Immune System With Ball Pit Immersion Therapy

Build up you defenses in the most disgusting place on earth!

killed dozens of people
FACT CHECK: We’ve Only Killed Dozens Of People, Not Hundreds

We’re tired of the slander.

kidnapped by Sasquatch
The Most Essential Exercises To Avoid Being Kidnapped By Sasquatch

It’s every hiker’s worst fear.

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Horoscopes

Who You’ll Bang In The Animaniacs Universe According To Your Sign

Minerva Mink? Or perhaps the Godpigeon?

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shoplift from Lowe's
What You’d Shoplift From Lowe’s Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Will it be garden soil? Or perhaps a mailbox?

Hogwarts sex
Hogwarts Sex: Where You’ll Get It On, According To The Zodiac

Don’t tell us you’ve never thought about it.

choke to death
What You’ll Choke To Death On Based On Your Star Sign

The other alternative is to just keep your big mouth shut and starve to death. #horoscopes

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Macaulay Culkin Answers Your Dumb Questions

What’s In Mack’s Medicine Cabinet? Oh, It’s A Bunch Of Dead Parrots

What? Oh no.

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90s snack food
Mack Answers Your Dumb Questions: ‘Which ’90s Snack Food Would You Bring Back?’

You asked, Mack answered.

Macaulay Culkin misconception
Mack Answers Your Dumb Questions: ‘What’s The Biggest Misconception About You?’

You asked, I answered!

Macaulay Culkin
Mack Answers Your Dumb Questions: ‘What’s Your Favorite Grilled Cheese Recipe?’

“Grilled cheese” is a relative term.

See all Macaulay Culkin Answers Your Dumb Questions »

Relationships

Spiritual Wellness

Back-To-School Sales For Regressing Back To When You Had Hope

Yes, the earth is dying, but check out these glitter pens!

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Vape Mitzvah
Our Son Wanted A Vape Mitzvah And We’re Trying Our Best

We just want Daniel to be happy.

under this pile of coats
I’m Avoiding My Own Party By Hiding Under This Mountain Of Coats

It’s better here.

glimpsed the afterlife
Our Staff Medium Glimpsed The Afterlife, And Honestly It’s Hot Garbage 

We don’t recommend dying anytime soon.

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Travel Guides

Trave Guide: My Purse

There’s a lot to explore here.

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Icelandic elf you murdered
What To Do With That Icelandic Elf You Accidentally Murdered

It was somewhere between Reykjavík and Midborg.

JNCO Jeans Leg
Travel Guide: The Inside Of A JNCO Jeans Leg

These jeans are the ultimate staycation location for those times you want to get away but don’t want to go very far.

vacation spots I have to write about
The Hottest Vacation Spots I Need To Write About For Tax Purposes

Have you considered the Bahamas?

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Pop Culture

An Oral History of John Cena’s Worst Make-A-Wish Visit

It truly couldn’t have gone worse.

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Vince McMahon's Thanksgiving dinner
People Vince McMahon Would Rather Invite To Thanksgiving Dinner Than Triple H

Yes, it’s awkward.

deal on shark tank
How My Yeast Infection Landed Me A Deal On Shark Tank

And yours can, too!

The Rock's belly button
The Rock Just Revealed That His Belly Button Gets Infected VERY Easily

He calls it “the people’s infection.”

See all Pop Culture »

Comics

Galaxys For Hire

Two outlaw sisters go on the run from an army when they learn the ship they’ve called home is the final puzzle piece of an ancient giant robot capable of unmaking reality. A sex-bot army and the secret history of the universe will follow!

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Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules

Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They’re weird, they’re funny, and they’re always so pretty! The Goldin Rules always offers something different! You’ll never see the same joke twice!

Ana’s Dollhouse Presents: Art Friends

Welcome to Art Friends. A weekly web-comic brought to you by Ana Bagayan, the creator of viral-hit Ana’s Dollhouse!

Strawdaddy

It’s better than ‘Family Circus’ but shittier than ‘Marmaduke’ because everything is shittier than ‘Marmaduke.’

See all Comics »

TV and Movies

Sexy Beach Scenes With Shark Fins Photoshopped In

Finally!

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Video Games

Embrace EarthBound Therapy: Kill All The Neighborhood Pets

You’re gonna feel so, so good.

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Philosopher Immanuel Kant is Coming to ‘Tekken 7’

Kant (1724-1804) was a figure of great influence in the areas of epistemology, ethics, and ass-kicking.

Did Jeremy’s Uncle Really Work At Nintendo And Send Him The Games Early?

We investigate.

problematic pokémon
These Problematic Pokémon Have Been Canceled. Sorry.

Cancel culture gets us all eventually.

See all Video Games »

Wrestling

The Boogeyman’s Real And He Taught My Stepson To Eat Worms

Why did this have to happen?

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The 24/7 Title
The Worst Places To Challenge For The 24/7 Title

From a children’s ball pit to the International Space Station.

inside the money on the bank briefcase
We Found Out What’s Inside The ‘Money In The Bank’ Briefcase

HINT: It’s not money

Fashion Tips From Triple H
Fashion Tips From Triple H—For The Skull-Loving Executive

Dress to impress! With skulls.

See all Wrestling »
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