So Your Toddler Just Realized They’re Going To Die Someday
We’re all going to die someday, but dumb toddlers usually don’t figure that out so soon. Whoops.
My Secret Fetish: Those Gummy Sharks With The Soft, White Bellies
This is the story of my intense gummy shark fetish.
Designer Strap Ons: His Dick May Be Real, But Yours Is 9 Inches of Dior
Read on for the latest trends in dildo couture.
Breathing Exercises To Use In Case You Get Buried Alive Someday
Have you heard of alternate nostril breathing?
Biodegradable Workout Equipment You’ll Only Use Once Anyway
Want to save the planet AND keep being an unimprovable slob? Our biodegradable work-out equipment lets you finally feel good about doing nothing!
A Guide To Detoxing Your Red Dead Online Character
More than 150 million Americans play video games, many online. And from what we’ve heard, online gaming is apparently one of the most toxic environments around.
The Beginner’s Guide To Salt (Because There’s A LOT Of Options)
You probably don’t have anything meaningful to do right now anyway.
The Beginner’s Guide To The Perfect Plantation Wedding
Morally compromise everyone you love for the day of your dreams.
Rose Gold Butt Plugs For Surviving Your Podcast’s Third Rebrand
The advice for taking a big old honker of a butt plug is the same advice that’s going to help you power your bottom through your podcast’s third rebrand.
Color Of the Month
The Newest Spring Color Is Gray Because All The Plants Have Died
We might be living in a lifeless, barren wasteland, but it’s nothing a little color wouldn’t spruce up if we hadn’t killed every color but grey!
The Best Cakes To Smash Into Your Face When Trying To Fool A Social Worker
Keep this insane ruse going just a little longer!
Red Eyeshadow Is The Hottest New Look Until I Recover From This Infection
‘There’s just so much pus.’
Fetish Of The Month
Fetish Of The Month: Subscription Boxes
Don’t act like you don’t have a thousand favorite subscription boxes.
Fetish of the Month: Docking On Your Bros
Frat parties and butt-chugging kegs are so passé. Sure they get you drunk and horny, but no one’s good at naked stuff when they’ve tossed back too many, so stop kidding yourself.
I Refuse To Be Ashamed Of My Fetish, Having Sex With Boring Dudes
I would honestly wreck B-list Dad actor Deidrich Bader.
Food and Recipes
These Trendy Salads Were Recalled But Oh God We’re Gonna Eat Them Anyway
The hottest new salad proteins are hopefully maggots, because that’s definitely what’s in this trendy salad pack we bought three weeks ago!
Savory Ice Cream Flavors Created by Some Monster
Check out our reviews of these actual savory ice cream flavors apparently made by demon aliens who want to ruin everything you love in this world.
The Best Flavored Coffees to Throw in Your Boss’s Face When You Quit
You wanna throw coffee in your boss’s face but it has to be the right kind because you are above all, professional.
4 Vegan Breakfasts That Look Delicious Even Though You Know They Aren’t!
Because brunch is expensive but tricking your friends into eating your gross food is priceless.
Karaoke Songs With Long Instrumental Breaks Everyone Will Love
You’re probably used to singing the worst karaoke songs ever. If you’re one of those people who love singing songs that end too quickly, this is for you.
Exclusive: A Rebuttal from Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong
Nearly 30 years later, the subject of the Spin Doctors’ memorable hit gives HER side of the story.
I’m Furious That Bunny Ears Used My Picture in an Article about Micropenises
When Bunny Ears used a stock image of my face in an article about micropenises, I thought my life was over. It was only just beginning.
What You’ll Choke To Death On Based On Your Star Sign
The other alternative is to just keep your big mouth shut and starve to death. #horoscopes
Here’s What ‘Based On Your Sign’ Article You Should Read Based On Your Sign
Hint: You’re not going to want to go anywhere near a What Kind of Fast Food are You Based on Your Zodiac article if you’re a Pisces!
What’s Your Fursona Based On Your Star Sign?
Just don’t call it your spirit animal, okay? That’s problematic.
Macaulay Culkin Answers Your Dumb Questions
Mack Answers Your Dumb Questions: ‘What’s The Biggest Misconception About You?’
You asked, I answered!
Mack Answers Your Dumb Questions: ‘What’s Your Favorite Grilled Cheese Recipe?’
“Grilled cheese” is a relative term.
Mack Answers Your Dumb Questions: ‘Have You Ever Had A Major Premonition?’
Spoiler: He has. And it was epic.
My New Year’s Resolution Is To Shove My Son Back Up In There
I gave birth to him, and I can un-give it.
I Owe My Newfound Confidence To Therapy And Stilts (Mostly Stilts)
The secret to rebuilding my confidence was admitting that I needed help – the help of a trusted therapist and of a pair of 5-foot-tall circus stilts.
How to Raise Your Boys to Be Feminists Who Also Rock at Magic
We need to teach our boys consent, mutual respect, and how to freaking rock at magic.
My Charming, Brilliant Leash Kid Should Be Able to Shit in Your Dog Park
My leash kid is on a leash. The dogs are on leashes. I don’t see the problem?
How to Listen to Your Body’s Needs Using 6 FT. of Hose and Some Lube
Self care is important. That’s why we want you to listen to your body. No, like REALLY listen to it. Know what we’re saying?
Dreamy Spring Beach Escapes That Are Already Booked By Better People
Bad news: you won’t be taking a glorious spring beach escape this year. Good news: We found out who booked your spot, and they’re so much cooler than you!
Travel Guide: Under The Sea
The ocean is terrible and full of scary fish and fish-monsters. Why do you want to go there? What’s wrong with you?
7 Unbelievable Places People Have Barfed In This Dave & Buster’s
Oh gross, they barfed in this excerpt. C’mon!
Travel Guide: The Secret Canadian Disneyland ONLY For Illuminati
You’ve heard of Club 33, right? You know, that secret club at Disneyland you can only get into if you know the right people where they probably, like, smoke cigars and pass around a poor girl who moved to Hollywood with dreams of being an actress but ended up playing Cinderella for most of her […]
Every Culkin Brother Ranked (By Macaulay Culkin)
Finally, we know which Culkin is best and which is worst. And who has more authority to speak on the subject than Macaulay Culkin himself?
Why Macaulay Culkin Isn’t Concerned About His Net Worth
You really shouldn’t be concerned with Macaulay Culkin’s net worth if he isn’t.
Our Favorite Articles
Exclusive: Macaulay Culkin Interviews The Swarm Of Bees From My Girl
(Editors Note: After a considerable amount of negotiation between a phalanx of lawyers, agents, managers, publicists, stylists, socialists and one 76-year-old beekeeper from Arizona, Bunny Ears is proud to share the EXCLUSIVE reunion interview between Macaulay Culkin and the swarm of bees that viciously attacked him in the 90’s hit My Girl. What follows was transcribed, […]
6 Bathrobes Perfect For Doing Coked-Up Naked Karate
Have you ever felt just a little TOO nude while doing naked karate?
Forget The Tree House – Build Your Kids A Hell In A Cell!
Whether it’s the blue-collar dad, hitting Home Depot or the suited up sophistico browsing the frou-frou catalog for backyard fun to keep his kids occupied this summer, they all think a treehouse is a cure to their kids’ summer boredom. But there’s a problem: even with a treehouse, they can still find their way back […]
Did Collective Soul Actually Exist?
Hey, remember Collective Soul, that mildly agreeable rock band from the ’90s? It’s weird if you do, because as it turns out, it never existed.
All The Things To Throw Instead Of Your $70 X-Box Controller
X-Box controllers are expensive. Try throwing these unimportant things instead.
All The Non-Mutant Superheroes Trying To Get On That ‘Freaky, Sexy Island’
Krakoa is getting REALLY popular.
‘Daily Bugle’ Editor Demands TikTok Footage Of Spider-Man
He’s reportedly been ranting about it for months.
Galaxys For Hire
Two outlaw sisters go on the run from an army when they learn the ship they’ve called home is the final puzzle piece of an ancient giant robot capable of unmaking reality. A sex-bot army and the secret history of the universe will follow!
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They’re weird, they’re funny, and they’re always so pretty! The Goldin Rules always offers something different! You’ll never see the same joke twice!
Ana’s Dollhouse Presents: Art Friends
Welcome to Art Friends. A weekly web-comic brought to you by Ana Bagayan, the creator of viral-hit Ana’s Dollhouse!
It’s better than ‘Family Circus’ but shittier than ‘Marmaduke’ because everything is shittier than ‘Marmaduke.’
TV and Movies
My Feminist Video Game Was Banned From E3 And It’s B.S.
Everyone told me a male game developer shouldn’t try to make a feminist video game about the gender pay gap. But I did it anyway.
The ToeJam & Earl Ultra Funky Super Special Bonus Podcast
ToeJam & Earl is a dope game, and the sequel is out now so go buy it you jerk.
A Guide To Grieving All The Yoshis You’ve Killed
The first stage of grief is harder than the last stage of Forest of Illusion.
‘Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 3’ Was Spoiled On An Episode Of RAW
Not even the time gem can take this one back.
Bunny Ears Exclusive: Sgt. Slaughter Tells All!
Remember the military guy from the ’80s heyday of the WWF? He’s radically different out of the ring…emphasis on “radical.”
So, You Just Quit WWE
Not everyone is cut out for the silver screen like John Cena or Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. The job market is tough for former pro-wrestlers, but with the right motivation, you can be out of your spandex tights and into a sensible pair of khaki work slacks in no time. Here are a few job […]
Quiz: Which ‘80s Sitcom Dad Did Your Mom Most Likely Jerk It To?
Was it Carl Winslow? Or maybe Danny Tanner?