Winterize Your Home With The Spellbook You Stole From That Robed Skeleton
Let’s see the guys down at Home Depot do this!
The Best Illegal Souvenirs From Around The World (That Aren’t Shirts)
Because fuck shirts. Except ours, you should buy ours with that link to your right.
The Best Places in Calgary to Make Fun of Canadians
And so I’ve fulfilled all legal requirements to write off this trip on my taxes!
Breast Milk Jewelry Is A Thing, But Why Stop At That Bodily Fluid?
There are so many more fluids to exploit!
The Beginner’s Guide To England’s Regional Butthole Slang
Welcome to The Beginner’s Guide, our recurring series where our experts provide everything you need to know about your new endeavor, regardless of what it is. This week, we’ll be taking you through: The Beginner’s Guide To England’s Regional Butthole Slang The United Kingdom is a very small country, but it’s such an old country […]
The Beginner’s Guide To Your Best Battle Lashes
Welcome to The Beginner’s Guide, our recurring series where our experts provide everything you need to know about your new endeavor, regardless of what it is. This week we’ll be taking you through: The Beginner’s Guide To Your Best Battle Lashes The eyelashes are the secret weapon in every woman’s beauty arsenal, and we mean […]
A Man’s Guide To Freezing Your Eggs
Why Is Everyone Talking About Eggs? Eggs have become such a hot-button issue in our society. Are they good for you? Do they have too much cholesterol? How runny is over-medium supposed to be? And most importantly, as I’ve recently gathered from hushed conversations in coffee shops that I had to strain to barely eavesdrop […]
The Beginner’s Guide To Taking Care Of Your Aging Stage Mom
Welcome to The Beginner’s Guide to [Blank], our recurring series in which our experts provide everything you need to know about a multitude of endeavors. This week’s writer, Carolyn Burke, will be taking you through: The Beginner’s Guide To Taking Care Of Your Aging Stage Mom From Carolyn: I’ve never been particularly close with Mother. To be […]
The Best Vitamins To Soak Your Tampons In Before Sticking Them Up Your Butt
Taking care of my health is very important to me. But I’m a very busy woman and I don’t have the time to keep track of which vitamins, minerals, and birth controls I’ve ingested in the past 24 hours. That’s why I’m so in love with the vitamin tampons trend. So convenient for an on-the-go […]
How Many Lemons Is Too Many Lemons When It Comes To Stuffing Your Butt Hole?
We know you’re probably sick of reading lemon-stuffing articles. Almost every lifestyle blog has been pumping these out like, well, butt lemons. But we promise this definitive guide to lemon stuffing will be the last article you ever have to read about stuffing lemons up your butt! Bunny Ears has your back (which will soon […]
Summer Staples We Don’t Recommend You Stick Up Your Butt (This Time)
We’re saying ‘yes’ to summer and ‘no more’ to your lawsuits!
Color Of the Month
Color Of The Month: Coral? Peach? Salmon? Fuck. Get Me The Swatches.
OK, so: I was given this…color as our color of the month and told to write about it. I have no idea what to call this color. None. This month’s color is…rose…ish? No, less red than that. More orange. Apricot? Coral? Peach? Cantaloupe? Something like that. Maybe Salmon color. What does Salmon color even look like? […]
Color Of The Month: Color Me Badd
We know we’re going to catch some heat over this month’s pick for color of the month (get ready to weather the storm of all those angry pro-Orange comments, everyone). But pound for pound, no other color on the spectrum of visible light brought their A-game quite like that plucky little quartet from Oklahoma City, […]
Magenta: The Manliest Of Colors
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]This month’s Bunny Ears’ Color of the Month is magenta, AKA, the manliest of colors. We know what you’re probably thinking. Magenta? Isn’t that one of those fru-fru colors for fancy boys and jockeys, like salmon, or teal? Isn’t it the color of princess parties, and girls like Zoe Kravitz? And aren’t the only people […]
Color Of The Month: The Slightly Gray Skin Under Your Exhausted Eyes
It goes with literally everything—especially your tears.
The Best Cakes To Smash Into Your Face When Trying To Fool A Social Worker
Keep this insane ruse going just a little longer!
Red Eyeshadow Is The Hottest New Look Until I Recover From This Infection
‘There’s just so much pus.’
Fetish Of The Month
I Refuse To Be Ashamed Of My Fetish, Having Sex With Boring Dudes
I would honestly wreck B-list Dad actor Deidrich Bader.
Fetish Of The Month: Soup Porn
Hey there sex-positive adventurers! You and your special someone are about to embark on a sensual trip to Flavortown. And if all goes as planned, Guy Fieri will have nothing to do with it. Our current fetish of the month is Soup Porn. Soup Porn is a category of pornography that is comprised of a […]
Food and Recipes
We Tried To Find Inspirational Love Stories But Found Love Is A Lie
Really thought Europe would teach us how to love again.
I’m Avoiding Holiday Weight Gain By Alienating My Friends And Family
Because nothing feels as good as fitting into designer skinny jeans. Not even love.
Recipes For Standing In Front Of The Fridge In Your Underwear At 2AM
Not to be confused for 3AM recipes.
The Best Places to Find Inner Peace And Hopefully An Affair
How do you decide where to go to find inner peace and hopefully an affair with someone whose voice doesn’t make you wish you would just die already.
How I Once Used A Bathroom In A Public Park Without Contracting Cholera
I know, it sounds ludicrous, but I assure you this is no joke.
What VD You Definitely Have Right Now Based On Your Star Sign
This month’s Bunny Ears horoscope will tell you which venereal disease you have at this very moment while you’re reading this.
Your September Horoscope!
There are no more stars. You look up into the night and all you see is an inky void. It is calming somehow. Refreshing. Clear. You can remember a time when there were stars, little dots of light in your life that gave meaning to the things you did. A time when you knew […]
Free Monthly Horoscope As Interpreted In Bob Ross Sayings
Guidance. We all seek it, but few can look high beyond the clouds to truly comprehend which direction to go. Luckily, horoscopes are a quick and easy way to attain clarity. So eyes to the fluffy, clouded skies and saddle up as we channel one of our oldest dating apps, the Ouija board, to connect […]
How To Cook The Perfect Salmon Depending On Your Zodiac Sign
The Zodiac guides us through challenges in life. The stars are as wise as they are numerous, and strongly advise which recipes you should use to prepare salmon! Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19) Those who fall under the sign of Aries are teeming with chaotic energy. Mars, god of war, compels you to seek […]
Macaulay Culkin Answers Your Dumb Questions
Mack Answers Your Dumb Questions: ‘Have You Ever Had A Major Premonition?’
Spoiler: He has. And it was epic.
Macaulay Culkin Responds To Your Fan Mail
Hello everyone. World-famous actor and legendary human being Macaulay Culkin here. Now, most of you have been admiring me from afar for several decades, and let me be the first to say thank you, I’m flattered. But let me also be the first to say that after years of near-Biblical fame and adulation, I’m ready […]
Mack Answers Your Dumb Questions: “What Are Your March Madness Predictions?”
Boy-boy-boy do they make no sense!
My New Year’s Resolution Is To Shove My Son Back Up In There
I gave birth to him, and I can un-give it.
Holiday Messages To Let Your Black Friend Know You Don’t See Color
“Boy, do I miss Obama! Merry X-Mas!”
The Way You Spell Hanukkah Could Determine If You’re A Sociopath
So, what’s it gonna be? You a man with a big C? Double N? What are we gonna do here
I Won’t Circumcise My Son Until He Is 18 And I Can Guilt Him Into It
It is his right to choose what I know is best for him.
#Getaway: The New Vacation Everyone Needs To Take
Let’s face it: in 2018, what even is a great vacation anymore? Destination trips are filled with unpleasant surprises, from last second price hikes, children being eaten by alligators, and fucking sand. Likewise, it’s increasingly difficult to find the time, what with more and more millennials taking gigs and second jobs just for the opportunity […]
Travel Guide: The Car Trunk You’re Locked In
There’s a whole world of fun back there to enjoy while the goons drive you to the murder spot.
Travel Guide: A Creepy Chocolate Factory For Which You’ve Won A Tour
Read this guide / when you slide / to a world of fear and trepidation.
European Cities That Won’t Stretch Your Comfort Zone As A Whitey
Your vacation won’t be relaxing if you have to scream, “I want water! Water. WATER. WAAAT-ERR!” every time you’re thirsty.
These Are The Beauty Essentials We Chose When Literally Forced At Gunpoint
“Look out! Macaulay Culkin has a gun!”
Macaulay Culkin Forced Me To Eat A Doughnut Of His Face: Here’s The Video
The whole damn thing. If anyone can read this, please help. Macaulay Culkin has me trapped in a doughnut eating factory and won’t let me see my family!
Macaulay Culkin Paints Bunny Ears
In our first teaser video, Macaulay Culkin paints some bunny ears on a wall. Part of our mission here at BE is to always encourage free expression. Creative freedom is crucial to a happy and healthy lifestyle. In the video, Mack shows us how easy it can be to let yourself go nuts creatively and […]
Our Favorite Articles
Exclusive: Macaulay Culkin Interviews The Swarm Of Bees From My Girl
(Editors Note: After a considerable amount of negotiation between a phalanx of lawyers, agents, managers, publicists, stylists, socialists and one 76-year-old beekeeper from Arizona, Bunny Ears is proud to share the EXCLUSIVE reunion interview between Macaulay Culkin and the swarm of bees that viciously attacked him in the 90’s hit My Girl. What follows was transcribed, […]
6 Bathrobes Perfect For Doing Coked-Up Naked Karate
Have you ever felt just a little TOO nude while doing naked karate?
A Psychic Helped Me Unleash My Inner Power, But Keeps Spoiling “WWE RAW” For Me
Everything was so hazy at first… In the distance, I saw myself in a board meeting, and I was CEO, my eyes glowing with pride. Shadows parted way, and I suddenly saw myself on a date with a perfect 10, confident, stylish, leaning in for a first kiss. But the fog returned, and when it […]
Why Won’t John Cena Visit Me in the Hospital?
It’s a phrase I’ve seen a thousand times on armbands, miniature towels, and neon-bright t-shirts throughout the last 15 years. It’s not just a saying, but a way of life; a mantra which one can turn to when their dreams seem so far out of reach. Yet as I lay here on this hospital gurney, […]
All The Non-Mutant Superheroes Trying To Get On That ‘Freaky, Sexy Island’
Krakoa is getting REALLY popular.
‘Daily Bugle’ Editor Demands TikTok Footage Of Spider-Man
He’s reportedly been ranting about it for months.
Galaxys For Hire
Two outlaw sisters go on the run from an army when they learn the ship they’ve called home is the final puzzle piece of an ancient giant robot capable of unmaking reality. A sex-bot army and the secret history of the universe will follow!
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They’re weird, they’re funny, and they’re always so pretty! The Goldin Rules always offers something different! You’ll never see the same joke twice!
Ana’s Dollhouse Presents: Art Friends
Welcome to Art Friends. A weekly web-comic brought to you by Ana Bagayan, the creator of viral-hit Ana’s Dollhouse!
It’s better than ‘Family Circus’ but shittier than ‘Marmaduke’ because everything is shittier than ‘Marmaduke.’
TV and Movies
A Guide To Grieving All The Yoshis You’ve Killed
The first stage of grief is harder than the last stage of Forest of Illusion.
How To Politely Decline An Invite To Your Dork Nephew’s ‘Warcraft’ Wedding
He’s marrying an orc or whatever.
I Shot The Dog In ‘Duck Hunt’ And It Really Messed Me Up
Your cousin lied when he said he shot the dog in Duck Hunt. Because if he had, he’d be scarred for life.
The Bad Dudes Are Really Good Dudes, And They’re My Uncles
I don’t know why everybody called my uncles “Bad Dudes,” because they were good dudes. More than good. Probably the best people I’ll ever know.
Stubborn Fan Still Chants ‘ECW!’ At Shows
“Is he just chanting ‘NXT’ wrong?” asks 23-year-old Velveteen Dream.
Quiz: Which ‘80s Sitcom Dad Did Your Mom Most Likely Jerk It To?
Was it Carl Winslow? Or maybe Danny Tanner?