Articles

You can’t risk electing a judge you can’t bribe

Hint: There’s so fucking many!

Your marriage is more like gold than you think, which is why you should invest in both your love and this incredibly stable currency form TODAY!

Morally compromise everyone you love for the day of your dreams.

You don’t even have to be dead!

Welcome to The Beginner’s Guide, our recurring series where our experts provide everything you need to know about your new endeavor, regardless of what it is. This week, we’ll be taking you through: The Beginner’s Guide To England’s Regional Butthole Slang The United Kingdom is a very small country, but it’s such an old country […]

No need to thank us.

Seriously. Right now.

Taking care of my health is very important to me. But I’m a very busy woman and I don’t have the time to keep track of which vitamins, minerals, and birth controls I’ve ingested in the past 24 hours. That’s why I’m so in love with the vitamin tampons trend. So convenient for an on-the-go […]

The advantages of being white never go out of style!

OK, so: I was given this…color as our color of the month and told to write about it. I have no idea what to call this color. None. This month’s color is…rose…ish? No, less red than that. More orange. Apricot? Coral? Peach? Cantaloupe? Something like that. Maybe Salmon color. What does Salmon color even look like? […]

We know we’re going to catch some heat over this month’s pick for color of the month (get ready to weather the storm of all those angry pro-Orange comments, everyone). But pound for pound, no other color on the spectrum of visible light brought their A-game quite like that plucky little quartet from Oklahoma City, […]

Keep this insane ruse going just a little longer!

Yum!

‘There’s just so much pus.’

People are fickle and disappointing, but objects last forever.

I would honestly wreck B-list Dad actor Deidrich Bader.

Hey there sex-positive adventurers! You and your special someone are about to embark on a sensual trip to Flavortown. And if all goes as planned, Guy Fieri will have nothing to do with it. Our current fetish of the month is Soup Porn. Soup Porn is a category of pornography that is comprised of a […]

Everyone loves mug cake! It’s fast, easy, and impossible to see what’s inside the mug once you’ve begun making it. Here’s how we happened upon this recipe.

Alcohol is a complicated part of modern life. It’s fun in moderation but damaging in excess, and sometimes the line between the two is blurry. It never hurts to take a break from alcohol for the sake of your physical and mental well-being. But in our busy world of Tinder dates, business lunches, and bar […]

There’s a valid reason. Kinda.

Not only are my Lincoln Log hinges fashionable they also make so many daily activities better. No longer do I have to worry about damaging my joints when I do yoga.

It’s a thing, apparently?

You’ve worked hard all week, and quite frankly, you deserve a break! That’s why we’ve created this slideshow of black and white photos of pregnant women for you to do, you know, whatever with. No need to go into detail. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy these beautiful visions of gestation in whatever manner you […]

Just don’t call it your spirit animal, okay? That’s problematic.

With overpopulation, global travel, and not one, but several strains of drug-resistant superbugs already taking hold, it’s safe to say that you and everyone you know will die in a pandemic (soon). And if modern history has taught us anything, this pandemic will likely come in the form of classic influenza. But will you die of […]

This month’s Bunny Ears horoscope will tell you which venereal disease you have at this very moment while you’re reading this.

“Grilled cheese” is a relative term.

Mack knows all.

Spoiler: He has. And it was epic.

I gave birth to him, and I can un-give it.

You can do this.

Here’s what you need to know.

Words of affirmation cost extra.

I honestly don’t see the problem.

Who invited Steve?

Move over Fudgy the Whale, crude needle poke tattoos are the new big children’s party must-have of the year!

That’s right—working isn’t just for poor people.

Do you know what it’s like to have your child come home with a report card that says she’s “such a bright student and a joy to be around” but says nothing – nothing – about you?

New Orleans celebrates Mardi Gras the two weeks before Shrove Tuesday, which is … when?

Hey look, it’s Denver!

Oof, this sand is maybe *TOO* warm!

I haven’t taken the shirt off in a week, but nobody says anything about my odor!

This is your chance to be part of something amazing!

“Look out! Macaulay Culkin has a gun!”

Have you ever felt just a little TOO nude while doing naked karate?

Don’t even introduce yourself.

They are connoisseurs of tushie excellence.

Everything was so hazy at first… In the distance, I saw myself in a board meeting, and I was CEO, my eyes glowing with pride. Shadows parted way, and I suddenly saw myself on a date with a perfect 10, confident, stylish, leaning in for a first kiss. But the fog returned, and when it […]

It’s the literally the worst place!

It’s a phrase I’ve seen a thousand times on armbands, miniature towels, and neon-bright t-shirts throughout the last 15 years. It’s not just a saying, but a way of life; a mantra which one can turn to when their dreams seem so far out of reach. Yet as I lay here on this hospital gurney, […]

Krakoa is getting REALLY popular.

He’s reportedly been ranting about it for months.

Exciting!

Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They’re weird, they’re funny, and they’re always so pretty! The Goldin Rules always offers something different! You’ll never see the same joke twice!

Welcome to Art Friends. A weekly web-comic brought to you by Ana Bagayan, the creator of viral-hit Ana’s Dollhouse!

It’s better than ‘Family Circus’ but shittier than ‘Marmaduke’ because everything is shittier than ‘Marmaduke.’

SPOILER ALERT!

Have you talked to your kids?

It’s time someone said something.

He’s marrying an orc or whatever.

Your cousin lied when he said he shot the dog in Duck Hunt. Because if he had, he’d be scarred for life.

I don’t know why everybody called my uncles “Bad Dudes,” because they were good dudes. More than good. Probably the best people I’ll ever know.

“Is he just chanting ‘NXT’ wrong?” asks 23-year-old Velveteen Dream.

I still don’t know why.

There’s so many!

You don’t need him anyway!

Was it Carl Winslow? Or maybe Danny Tanner?

A butt plug? Or perhaps a rubber fist?