All The Non-Mutant Superheroes Trying To Get On That ‘Freaky, Sexy Island’

November 11, 2019 by , featured in Comic Books
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Marvel’s new Dawn of X series has been a bonafide hit, both critically and commercially. And, thanks to the recent revelation that Wolverine, Jean Grey, and Cyclops have adjoining sleeping arrangements and are possibly polyamorous lovers, it’s also darn sexy. So sexy, in fact, that other non-X-Men, non-mutant, and sometimes even non-Marvel superheroes want to defect to Krakoa (the island nation the X-men have founded as a safe haven against human aggression).

Avengers mainstay Hawkeye recently commented, “Can I make a reservation? Any of those adjoining rooms still available? Wait, they’re only letting mutants on the island? Well, I’m like really good at archery … maybe I’m mutant good at archery? Eh? Come back … I’m so lonely.”

Even heroes from the Distinguished Competition are trying to get in touch with their mutants sides.

“Damn yo, I heard the X-Men are getting freaky down on their own island now, like some kinda Mutant Hedonism II, and I just want them to know this Green Lantern is DOWN!” said Green Lantern of Space Sector 2814 and definite DC Comics character, Hal Jordan.

“Yeah I know it’d have to be a crossover, or whatever, but I’m gonna leave that to the bean counter suits upstairs to figure out. Alls I know is, I’m loading up my power ring and grabbing some White Claws! Is Psylocke still an X-Men?”

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Other Heroes Took a More Measured Approach

“I find speculation about the romantic lives of my fellow heroes to be distasteful” opined Wonder Woman, right before we explained that Jean Grey gets to enjoy both the clean-cut, gentle, and lithe affections of Cyclops as well as the rugged, passionate, and animalistic Wolverine—to which she replied, “Hmm, perhaps the Justice League has much to learn after all. Ladyboners ahoy!”

Not ready to give up hope yet, Hawkeye reached back out.

“Hey, um Mystique is a mutant right? That’s me, I’m Mystique” (very clearly) Hawkeye said. “Yup, I got you guys good. This whole time I’ve really been Mystique and she’s, um, I’m a mutant, so let’s shoot me on over to your freakish sex island” he exclaimed rather insensitively.

Images: Warner Brothers, Marvel Studios, Marvel Comics


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