Fuck Your Tree The Way It Deserves To Be Fucked This Arbor Day
Show your tree how much you love it…physically.
Use Your Wedding Gift Registry To Ensure Your Guests Know You Fuck Hard
Your wedding gift registry isn’t about tradition, it’s about letting guests know you can outscrew anyone, in explicit detail!
69 Is Out. Meet 82, The New Number That Fucks
The long wet reign of terror by 69 is out. It’s time for a new sex number, baby. Meet 82, the number that ones to get down and dirty with YOU!
Here’s What ‘Based On Your Sign’ Article You Should Read Based On Your Sign
Hint: You’re not going to want to go anywhere near a What Kind of Fast Food are You Based on Your Zodiac article if you’re a Pisces!
Shower Sex Positions That Only Work If Your Turn-On Is Waterboarding
Remember, your sex life doesn’t need to follow the Geneva Convention, so just have fun with it!
Travel Guide: The Secret Canadian Disneyland ONLY For Illuminati
You’ve heard of Club 33, right? You know, that secret club at Disneyland you can only get into if you know the right people where they probably, like, smoke cigars and pass around a poor girl who moved to Hollywood with dreams of being an actress but ended up playing Cinderella for most of her […]
Save Your Marriage After You Wrecked It Following Our Marriage Advice
It’s not okay to go on vacation and have an affair. We should have known that. That’s on us. But also, you should have known not to take that advice, so that’s on you, too.
Stop Testing Makeup On Animals, Because They Keep Seducing My Father
This needs to stop. My mother’s threatening to leave.
Non-Phallic Sex Toys For When You Wanna Get Plowed By A Muppet
We can approximate Muppet genitals based on their design with the following colorful sex toys clearly designed to simulate Muppintercourse.
Winter Project: How To Gussy Up Your Favorite Glory Hole!
Is the hole in the wall of a public bathroom through which you do unspeakable things starting to look a bit rundown? Then you need an extreme glory hole makeover, buddy.
As A Dream Interpreter, I’m Qualified to Say You’re All Disgusting Perverts
I already know the answer due to my years of experience as a dream interpreter, but have you tried watching something other than porn as you fall asleep?
Love Yourself So Much It’s Inappropriate In Public
Love yourself like you recently met yourself, have been dating successfully for a month and have been banging yourself nonstop.
What Is Hentai And Why Are Your Kids Powerless Against It?
Jesus Christ, really? I can’t wait to see the suggested ads on this one.
How To Have The Perfect Valentine’s Day (With Your Vibrator!)
And with your favorite electronic friend, there won’t be any arguing over what to marathon or whether chocolate or popcorn is the better bed snack!
Valentine’s Day Trips To Make You Realize You Never Loved Each Other
Here are some recommendations for weekend trips that will make this Valentines Day unforgettable. Even if it means you’ll never forget how bad it was.
Sex Tips Your Husband Wanted Us To Pass Along … If That’s Cool
Full disclosure, your husband emailed to us because your sex life sounds like a mess.
Western Medicine Is A Lie: What Are Penises REALLY For?!??!!!!!??!
Penii? Penes? Amanda, what am I supposed to write here?
These Winter Turtlenecks Will Make The Most Of Your Choking Fetish
Yes, if you long for a really fuzzy pair of hands around your throat these amazing winter turtlenecks are the perfect way to blend your kink with your couture!
My Morning Routine: Pilates And An Orgasm From A Stranger
It’s a simple thing, but I think it is worth it.
Barney The Dinosaur On Shopping, Sex, And His Healthy Purple Glow
We’re all about the icons of the ’90s, and perhaps no one is more iconic of that simpler time than Barney the Dinosaur. We grew up alongside that taxonomically ambiguous purple creature, so it’s only natural that he also grew up alongside us. What you may not know (but, of course, we do, because we […]
We Asked Celebrities For Their Embarrassing Sex Stories…
… And You Won’t Believe How Offended They Were!
The Hottest Snow Gear You Can Still Fuck In
We would never want to cramp your hump-pumping with the cruel reality of below freezing weather.
Holiday Dating Hack: Just Fuck Your Cousins?
Same time, same place, same genetics. Eh, with modern dating, who has time to care about all three?
My Ideal Mate Is Still A Plural Marriage With Most Of The New Kids On The Block
Modern guys just aren’t cutting it for me.
What’s Sex With A Man Like? Our Writers Want To Know
We’ve heard about it in rap songs and on pamphlets, and we know it must at least be as great as McDonald’s because those are the two things they miss most on Orange Is the New Black. But what’s it really like?
Using Small Amounts Of Products My Boyfriends Wife Has In Her Bathroom Improved My Skin
She has such good taste, and really springs for the good stuff!
How To Bedazzle Your Butthole On A Budget
If you’re going to do this, there are ways to Bedazzle your butthole on a budget and make it look like a million bucks.
Slut Shaming Is Wrong Unless I Am About to Finish
No man should be going around calling women names unless they are in my bed, kitchen, or bathtub and I am about 30 seconds away from le petit mort.
Sex-Positive Pumpkin Carving Ideas That Will Arouse Your Whole Neighborhood
Instead of candy, give your neighbors what they really want this Halloween: a comprehensive sexual education via seasonal and sensual pumpkins!
10 Futhark Runes That Will Totally Make You Cum
For your next romantic evening in, why not try one (or all!) of the following runes, hand-selected by Church elders, to get those juices flowing?
Make Your Relationship As Good As The One I Have With This BBQ Pulled Pork Macaroni And Cheese
Relationships can be tough, but when you find your perfect other half, you’ll be amazed by how easy things can be. I personally feel so lucky to be in a relationship that’s so intuitive and carefree. I am, of course, talking about my relationship with this barbecue pulled pork macaroni and cheese. It’s a simple […]
Fetish Of The Month: Soup Porn
Hey there sex-positive adventurers! You and your special someone are about to embark on a sensual trip to Flavortown. And if all goes as planned, Guy Fieri will have nothing to do with it. Our current fetish of the month is Soup Porn. Soup Porn is a category of pornography that is comprised of a […]
This New Form of OxyContin is Truly Better Than Sex
As busy mom and business owner, I often need a pick me up throughout the day. Most of the time, this comes in the form of the pearl-infused matcha latte at the corner shop, but some days, the creamy green goodness just isn’t working. Thankfully, around three months ago, I found a vice that really […]
I Pierced My Clit To Enhance My Sex Life And All It’s Gotten Me Is Months of Explaining That To People
I remember hearing from one of my sluttier friends that piercing your clit makes your orgasms better and basically feels like you’re always a little lady hard. Heck yes, I thought! Once I have the time to let one of this baby properly heal, like when I’m unemployed and can just lay around with my […]
Stylish Dorm Room Screens For When Your Roommate Tries To Fuck In Front Of You
Back-to-school season is right around the corner, and we might as well warn you now: Your roommate is definitely gonna try to fuck in front of you. Here are some screens. Legacy Decor 4-Panel Plum Blossom Screen Room Divider, Black 4 Panel Wood Mesh Woven Design Folding Wooden Screen Room Divider Rose Home Fashion […]
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…