Our Staff’s Celebrity Fuck List—In Slideshow Form
Here’s who our staff would most like to take to pound town!
Questions You’re Too Afraid To Ask Your Doctor About How Robots Have Sex
The most important questions you should definitely ask your doctor about robot sex, no matter how awkward you or they feel.
3 Lesser-Known Wrestling Holds Perfect For A No Holds Barred Match
Have you heard of the ‘Reverse Heimlich’?
Get Your Boyfriend To A Key Party By Telling Him It’s A Superstar Shakeup
Trick him into an open relationship with a Superstar Shakeup key party!
The Most Traumatizing Public Sex Maneuvers For Innocent Bystanders
You might never be able to stay at any Marriott-affiliated hotel or resort again. But it’s worth it!
My Secret Fetish: Those Gummy Sharks With The Soft, White Bellies
This is the story of my intense gummy shark fetish.
We Apologize for Endorsing Sex with Men
Having mulled over all the evidence since the dawn of time, we’ve realized that sex with men was an atrocious mistake, and we must apologize.
Welcome To The Bunny Ears Sex Issue, Which Is Mostly Just Garfield Erotica
We really didn’t think this one through
Fuck Your Tree The Way It Deserves To Be Fucked This Arbor Day
Show your tree how much you love it…physically.
Use Your Wedding Gift Registry To Ensure Your Guests Know You Fuck Hard
Your wedding gift registry isn’t about tradition, it’s about letting guests know you can outscrew anyone, in explicit detail!
69 Is Out. Meet 82, The New Number That Fucks
The long wet reign of terror by 69 is out. It’s time for a new sex number, baby. Meet 82, the number that ones to get down and dirty with YOU!
Here’s What ‘Based On Your Sign’ Article You Should Read Based On Your Sign
Hint: You’re not going to want to go anywhere near a What Kind of Fast Food are You Based on Your Zodiac article if you’re a Pisces!
Teaching Your Kids That Goofy Loves To Fuck
It’s a conversation every parent should have with their child.
Shower Sex Positions That Only Work If Your Turn-On Is Waterboarding
Remember, your sex life doesn’t need to follow the Geneva Convention, so just have fun with it!
Travel Guide: The Secret Canadian Disneyland ONLY For Illuminati
You’ve heard of Club 33, right? You know, that secret club at Disneyland you can only get into if you know the right people where they probably, like, smoke cigars and pass around a poor girl who moved to Hollywood with dreams of being an actress but ended up playing Cinderella for most of her […]
Stop Testing Makeup On Animals, Because They Keep Seducing My Father
This needs to stop. My mother’s threatening to leave.
As A Dream Interpreter, I’m Qualified to Say You’re All Disgusting Perverts
I already know the answer due to my years of experience as a dream interpreter, but have you tried watching something other than porn as you fall asleep?
What Is Hentai And Why Are Your Kids Powerless Against It?
Jesus Christ, really? I can’t wait to see the suggested ads on this one.
How To Have The Perfect Valentine’s Day (With Your Vibrator!)
And with your favorite electronic friend, there won’t be any arguing over what to marathon or whether chocolate or popcorn is the better bed snack!
Valentine’s Day Trips To Make You Realize You Never Loved Each Other
Here are some recommendations for weekend trips that will make this Valentines Day unforgettable. Even if it means you’ll never forget how bad it was.
Sex Tips Your Husband Wanted Us To Pass Along … If That’s Cool
Full disclosure, your husband emailed to us because your sex life sounds like a mess.
Western Medicine Is A Lie: What Are Penises REALLY For?!??!!!!!??!
Penii? Penes? Amanda, what am I supposed to write here?
These Winter Turtlenecks Will Make The Most Of Your Choking Fetish
Yes, if you long for a really fuzzy pair of hands around your throat these amazing winter turtlenecks are the perfect way to blend your kink with your couture!
Barney The Dinosaur On Shopping, Sex, And His Healthy Purple Glow
We’re all about the icons of the ’90s, and perhaps no one is more iconic of that simpler time than Barney the Dinosaur. We grew up alongside that taxonomically ambiguous purple creature, so it’s only natural that he also grew up alongside us. What you may not know (but, of course, we do, because we […]
The Hottest Snow Gear You Can Still Fuck In
We would never want to cramp your hump-pumping with the cruel reality of below freezing weather.
Holiday Dating Hack: Just Fuck Your Cousins?
Same time, same place, same genetics. Eh, with modern dating, who has time to care about all three?
My Ideal Mate Is Still A Plural Marriage With Most Of The New Kids On The Block
Modern guys just aren’t cutting it for me.
Using Small Amounts Of Products My Boyfriends Wife Has In Her Bathroom Improved My Skin
She has such good taste, and really springs for the good stuff!
Slut Shaming Is Wrong Unless I Am About to Finish
No man should be going around calling women names unless they are in my bed, kitchen, or bathtub and I am about 30 seconds away from le petit mort.
Sex-Positive Pumpkin Carving Ideas That Will Arouse Your Whole Neighborhood
Instead of candy, give your neighbors what they really want this Halloween: a comprehensive sexual education via seasonal and sensual pumpkins!
Make Your Relationship As Good As The One I Have With This BBQ Pulled Pork Macaroni And Cheese
Relationships can be tough, but when you find your perfect other half, you’ll be amazed by how easy things can be. I personally feel so lucky to be in a relationship that’s so intuitive and carefree. I am, of course, talking about my relationship with this barbecue pulled pork macaroni and cheese. It’s a simple […]
Fetish Of The Month: Soup Porn
Hey there sex-positive adventurers! You and your special someone are about to embark on a sensual trip to Flavortown. And if all goes as planned, Guy Fieri will have nothing to do with it. Our current fetish of the month is Soup Porn. Soup Porn is a category of pornography that is comprised of a […]