Coat Your Dick In Wax, Just Like Ryan Gosling Does (Possibly)
It’s trending on Twitter, so we’re gonna say it’s true.
What ‘Back To The Future’ Gets Wrong About Almost Having Sex With Your Mom
Like she’ll DEFINITELY remember your face.
Our Staff’s Celebrity Fuck List—In Slideshow Form
Here’s who our staff would most like to take to pound town!
So You Called Mr. Feeny’s Name During Sex. Now What?
Your worst nightmare has come true. You called Mr. Feeny’s name during sex. You’ve always appreciated a distinguished gentlemen, and, in the throes of passion, you’ve let out a “Fee-hee-hee-hee-hee-ny!” louder and more impassioned than Eric Mathews himself could ever muster. Don’t worry—you’re not the first person this has happened to, and there are some […]
Questions You’re Too Afraid To Ask Your Doctor About How Robots Have Sex
The most important questions you should definitely ask your doctor about robot sex, no matter how awkward you or they feel.
3 Lesser-Known Wrestling Holds Perfect For A No Holds Barred Match
Have you heard of the ‘Reverse Heimlich’?
Get Your Boyfriend To A Key Party By Telling Him It’s A Superstar Shakeup
Trick him into an open relationship with a Superstar Shakeup key party!
Hogwarts Sex: Where You’ll Get It On, According To The Zodiac
Don’t tell us you’ve never thought about it.
The Most Traumatizing Public Sex Maneuvers For Innocent Bystanders
You might never be able to stay at any Marriott-affiliated hotel or resort again. But it’s worth it!
My Secret Fetish: Those Gummy Sharks With The Soft, White Bellies
This is the story of my intense gummy shark fetish.
We Apologize for Endorsing Sex with Men
Having mulled over all the evidence since the dawn of time, we’ve realized that sex with men was an atrocious mistake, and we must apologize.
Welcome To The Bunny Ears Sex Issue, Which Is Mostly Just Garfield Erotica
We really didn’t think this one through
Fuck Your Tree The Way It Deserves To Be Fucked This Arbor Day
Show your tree how much you love it…physically.
Use Your Wedding Gift Registry To Ensure Your Guests Know You Fuck Hard
Your wedding gift registry isn’t about tradition, it’s about letting guests know you can outscrew anyone, in explicit detail!
69 Is Out. Meet 82, The New Number That Fucks
The long wet reign of terror by 69 is out. It’s time for a new sex number, baby. Meet 82, the number that ones to get down and dirty with YOU!
Here’s What ‘Based On Your Sign’ Article You Should Read Based On Your Sign
Hint: You’re not going to want to go anywhere near a What Kind of Fast Food are You Based on Your Zodiac article if you’re a Pisces!
Shower Sex Positions That Only Work If Your Turn-On Is Waterboarding
Remember, your sex life doesn’t need to follow the Geneva Convention, so just have fun with it!
Travel Guide: The Secret Canadian Disneyland ONLY For Illuminati
You’ve heard of Club 33, right? You know, that secret club at Disneyland you can only get into if you know the right people where they probably, like, smoke cigars and pass around a poor girl who moved to Hollywood with dreams of being an actress but ended up playing Cinderella for most of her […]
Save Your Marriage After You Wrecked It Following Our Marriage Advice
It’s not okay to go on vacation and have an affair. We should have known that. That’s on us. But also, you should have known not to take that advice, so that’s on you, too.
Stop Testing Makeup On Animals, Because They Keep Seducing My Father
This needs to stop. My mother’s threatening to leave.
Non-Phallic Sex Toys For When You Wanna Get Plowed By A Muppet
We can approximate Muppet genitals based on their design with the following colorful sex toys clearly designed to simulate Muppintercourse.
Winter Project: How To Gussy Up Your Favorite Glory Hole!
Is the hole in the wall of a public bathroom through which you do unspeakable things starting to look a bit rundown? Then you need an extreme glory hole makeover, buddy.
As A Dream Interpreter, I’m Qualified to Say You’re All Disgusting Perverts
I already know the answer due to my years of experience as a dream interpreter, but have you tried watching something other than porn as you fall asleep?
Love Yourself So Much It’s Inappropriate In Public
Love yourself like you recently met yourself, have been dating successfully for a month and have been banging yourself nonstop.
What Is Hentai And Why Are Your Kids Powerless Against It?
Jesus Christ, really? I can’t wait to see the suggested ads on this one.
How To Have The Perfect Valentine’s Day (With Your Vibrator!)
And with your favorite electronic friend, there won’t be any arguing over what to marathon or whether chocolate or popcorn is the better bed snack!
Valentine’s Day Trips To Make You Realize You Never Loved Each Other
Here are some recommendations for weekend trips that will make this Valentines Day unforgettable. Even if it means you’ll never forget how bad it was.
Sex Tips Your Husband Wanted Us To Pass Along … If That’s Cool
Full disclosure, your husband emailed to us because your sex life sounds like a mess.
Western Medicine Is A Lie: What Are Penises REALLY For?!??!!!!!??!
Penii? Penes? Amanda, what am I supposed to write here?
These Winter Turtlenecks Will Make The Most Of Your Choking Fetish
Yes, if you long for a really fuzzy pair of hands around your throat these amazing winter turtlenecks are the perfect way to blend your kink with your couture!