What ‘Back To The Future’ Gets Wrong About Almost Having Sex With Your Mom
Back to the Future is a super fun story about a kid who travels back in time to almost have sex with his mom. But anyone who’s had a similar time travel mishap can tell you that the writers were totally making it up as they went along. Take it from me: Back to the Future’s depiction of traveling back in time only to have a younger version of your mother try to have sex with you is leaving out some pretty big details, like …
1. She’ll Definitely Remember Your Face Decades Later
The movie wants us to assume Lorraine wouldn’t become increasingly unnerved as she watches her son Marty’s face transform into a dead ringer for the guy she almost had sex with in high school. I wanted this to be true so badly. Just so, so badly. It’s not. She’ll know. She may not know exactly what’s going on, because who in their right mind would naturally assume this is a time travel-incest situation. But in every look, in every awkward hug, you’ll know that she knows something.
2. You’re Going to Have to Burn Her Classmate’s Yearbooks
It was easy for me to get rid of my mom’s yearbook since it was just collecting dust in the attic. What was harder was torching all remaining copies belonging to former classmates who still lived in the neighborhood. They might get the same faint twinge of recognition that your mom gets when she sees your face, but at least they won’t have a reliable reference point to confirm their suspicion.
3. You’ll Have to Wear a Lot Of Cologne to Mask Your Scent
Scent is one of the most powerful triggers of memory. One passing whiff could make your mom remember that she tried to have sex with her own son in a wild fit of teenage horniness, despite its seeming impossibility. When I got back to the present, I had to mask my scent with an array of colognes, deodorants, candles, and showers. Even the faintest waft of my natural musk could get the gears of my mom’s mind working back to a memory that could permanently ruin the vibe of our bi-monthly Sunday brunches.
4. When She Talks About Her High School Days, You’ll Have to Be Careful Not to Say “Yeah, I Remember,” Because Then She’ll Know
If my time machine hadn’t exploded on my return trip to the present, I would go back to the night my mom told us the story of how a boy she knew in high school pulled her out of harm’s way just before she was hit by a car. I wouldn’t say, “Yeah, I remember” (since I was the mysterious boy). That one slip of the tongue finally made my mom remember that she tried to have sex with me in high school, and it was a bad scene.
Images: Universal Pictures