Luis is a columnist for Cracked.com and an astral projection of an unfathomable being from across the universe.
Not everybody gets to stay at the most beautiful and luxurious hotels in the world. Especially not you anymore after what you’ve done in them.
All you had to do was let the natural detoxifying wonders of charcoal clean out your pores. You couldn’t even do that without being racist, could you?
He’s marrying an orc or whatever.
Your annual Parent-Teacher Association potluck meetings are usually fraught with tension as parents and school faculty tussle to craft a wholesome learning environment while scarfing down microwaved potato skins. But with a little innocent subterfuge, a few crowd-pleasing recipes, and a bag full of ecstasy pills shaped like Spider-Man’s head, you can turn your stuffy […]
I needed to lose some weight. The problem was I didn’t know where to start: Atkins, Keto, intermittent fasting—to name just a few. The more I researched, the more confused I got. Which is why I decided to try them all to figure out which works best for me and my body. And now I […]
At your wit’s end with your kids eating their boogers instead of your delicious homemade meals?
It’s never been wrong before…
Watching porn on the bus doesn’t make me weird. It makes me a sex positive revolutionary on the front lines in the war between prudishness and pleasure.
We see you.
You are paying $8 an ounce for LIES
And that’s the only reason.
The two events are purely coincidental.
Please don’t touch me.
To make sure you don’t get caught dead with last year’s trends, here’s a round-up of what’s in and what’s out this fall.
We get it. Rearranging your heavy furniture just to change things up isn’t enticing enough to waste a weekend afternoon. But what if we told you there was a way to arrange your couch, side tables, and even that bowl of potpourri in a way that will harmonize your home with the erotic frequencies of […]
It was all for naught.
Love kimchi? Need to dispose of a body? Well you’re in luck!
When you close your eyes, focus on your breathing, and find peace in the silence, you will inevitably find yourself fighting back the memory of that thing you did that time. That horrible, horrible thing. Without a bevy of distractions to keep the memory at bay, the look in their eyes as your victim slowly […]
The world of fine dining has its own complex language that can turn a romantic date into a confusing embarrassment if you don’t know the lingo. Worry no more, because we’re here to help.
We are acupuncture diehards. We even have an on-site acupuncturist here in the Bunny Ears offices named Jennifer Chen (hi Jen!) ready to skewer our allergies away with a precise strike to our acupoints at the first sign of a runny nose. So we brought her into our usual Tuesday ayahuasca editorial meeting to pitch […]
If your kid prefers squishing a disgusting substance between their fingers more than interacting with you, then congratulations, this guide is for you.
Like she’ll DEFINITELY remember your face.
Have you ever felt just a little TOO nude while doing naked karate?
Many have tried. Few have succeeded.
Literal (tainted) love.
Little Jason is definitely a chaotic neutral.
Please be honest.
It’s troubling, yet riveting.
It’s also incredibly painful.
It sucks but it’s great.
They have zero regard for arena etiquette.
‘It’s-a me! The head of the IOC here to strip you of your medals.’
And I suck.
Who knew Yoda could kickflip so well?
They make us feel seen.
Like how to set up that Roth IRA.
I’m sure of it.
I wouldn’t recommend it.
I’m going to kick their ass.
We need to turn the car around.
I’m definitely probably not alone in this, right?
Not cool.
Your failure is written in the stars.
It hurts so good!
I truly don’t know how much clearer I can be on this.
