Luis is a columnist for Cracked.com and an astral projection of an unfathomable being from across the universe.
Our Article Ideas Algorithm Says You Should Marinate Chicken In Piss
It’s never been wrong before…
I Will Not Be Shamed For Watching Porn, Especially On The Bus
Watching porn on the bus doesn’t make me weird. It makes me a sex positive revolutionary on the front lines in the war between prudishness and pleasure.
I Refuse To Wear A Condom Until They Start Making Them Biodegradable
And that’s the only reason.
Our Restaurant’s New Insect Menu Has Nothing To Do With The Recent Fumigation
The two events are purely coincidental.
I’ve Been Holding In A Tantric Orgasm For 22 Years. Please Don’t Touch Me
Please don’t touch me.
Fall Trends: What’s In (Plaid!) And What’s Out (All Of Your Most Closely Guarded Secrets)
To make sure you don’t get caught dead with last year’s trends, here’s a round-up of what’s in and what’s out this fall.
The Feng Shui Sutra: Rearranging Furniture To Enhance Your Sex Life
We get it. Rearranging your heavy furniture just to change things up isn’t enticing enough to waste a weekend afternoon. But what if we told you there was a way to arrange your couch, side tables, and even that bowl of potpourri in a way that will harmonize your home with the erotic frequencies of […]
How To Kimchi That Body In Your Backyard
Love kimchi? Need to dispose of a body? Well you’re in luck!
How To Meditate Without Being Consumed By Memories Of That Thing You Did
When you close your eyes, focus on your breathing, and find peace in the silence, you will inevitably find yourself fighting back the memory of that thing you did that time. That horrible, horrible thing. Without a bevy of distractions to keep the memory at bay, the look in their eyes as your victim slowly […]
The Beginner’s Guide To Fine-Dining Terminology
The world of fine dining has its own complex language that can turn a romantic date into a confusing embarrassment if you don’t know the lingo. Worry no more, because we’re here to help.
We Made 6 Acupuncturists Sleep On A Bed of Nails for A Night
We are acupuncture diehards. We even have an on-site acupuncturist here in the Bunny Ears offices named Jennifer Chen (hi Jen!) ready to skewer our allergies away with a precise strike to our acupoints at the first sign of a runny nose. So we brought her into our usual Tuesday ayahuasca editorial meeting to pitch […]
How To Make Edible Slime In A Desperate Attempt To Connect With Your Kids
If your kid prefers squishing a disgusting substance between their fingers more than interacting with you, then congratulations, this guide is for you.
What ‘Back To The Future’ Gets Wrong About Almost Having Sex With Your Mom
Like she’ll DEFINITELY remember your face.
6 Bathrobes Perfect For Doing Coked-Up Naked Karate
Have you ever felt just a little TOO nude while doing naked karate?
6 Wolverine Action Figures That Get His Tight Buns Just Right
Many have tried. Few have succeeded.
My Secret Ingredient Is Love, Which Has Been Recalled Due To Fecal Contamination
Literal (tainted) love.
The D&D Character Alignments Of The Shitty Kids Who Attended My Son’s 6th Birthday Party
Little Jason is definitely a chaotic neutral.
Disney+ Has A Category That’s Just People Pissing In The Disney World Bathrooms
It’s troubling, yet riveting.
Distance Acupuncture Combines Healing With The Fun Of Lawn Darts
It’s also incredibly painful.
We Love Shenmue 3’s ‘Grabbing The Coin Between The Car Seats’ Minigame!
It sucks but it’s great.
How To Find The Two NPCs Fucking In The Crowd In NBA 2K20
They have zero regard for arena etiquette.
Remembering The Doping Scandal That Rocked ‘Mario & Sonic At The Olympic Games’
‘It’s-a me! The head of the IOC here to strip you of your medals.’
What Could This Leaked Picture Of A Skateboarding Yoda Action Figure Mean For ‘Rise Of Skywalker’?
Who knew Yoda could kickflip so well?
Fetish Of The Month: The Unexpected Intimacy Of Targeted Internet Ads
They make us feel seen.
Lessons You Never Learned From The Wolves Who Raised You
Like how to set up that Roth IRA.
Attention Men: It’s Okay To Talk About Penis Molting
I’m definitely probably not alone in this, right?
How Each Zodiac Sign Will Ruin Your Carefully Planned Art Heist
Your failure is written in the stars.
For The Last Time, I’m An Electrician, Not An Energy Healer
I truly don’t know how much clearer I can be on this.
A Good Night’s Sleep Made Me A Much More Efficient Asshole
And it can work for you, too!
‘Star Wars’ Characters You Think You Are When You’re Really Jabba’s Rat Friend
You probably thought you’d be Rey. Or maybe Han?
My Restaurant Will Proudly Fuck Up Your Culture’s Signature Dish
Yes, my gyoza IS pizza-themed!