Luis is a columnist for Cracked.com and an astral projection of an unfathomable being from across the universe.
6 Bathrobes Perfect For Doing Coked-Up Naked Karate
Have you ever felt just a little TOO nude while doing naked karate?
6 Wolverine Action Figures That Get His Tight Buns Just Right
Many have tried. Few have succeeded.
My Secret Ingredient Is Love, Which Has Been Recalled Due To Fecal Contamination
Literal (tainted) love.
The D&D Character Alignments Of The Shitty Kids Who Attended My Son’s 6th Birthday Party
Little Jason is definitely a chaotic neutral.
Disney+ Has A Category That’s Just People Pissing In The Disney World Bathrooms
It’s troubling, yet riveting.
Distance Acupuncture Combines Healing With The Fun Of Lawn Darts
It’s also incredibly painful.
We Love Shenmue 3’s ‘Grabbing The Coin Between The Car Seats’ Minigame!
It sucks but it’s great.
How To Find The Two NPCs Fucking In The Crowd In NBA 2K20
They have zero regard for arena etiquette.
Remembering The Doping Scandal That Rocked ‘Mario & Sonic At The Olympic Games’
‘It’s-a me! The head of the IOC here to strip you of your medals.’
What Could This Leaked Picture Of A Skateboarding Yoda Action Figure Mean For ‘Rise Of Skywalker’?
Who knew Yoda could kickflip so well?
Fetish Of The Month: The Unexpected Intimacy Of Targeted Internet Ads
They make us feel seen.
How To Politely Decline An Invite To Your Dork Nephew’s ‘Warcraft’ Wedding
He’s marrying an orc or whatever.
Lessons You Never Learned From The Wolves Who Raised You
Like how to set up that Roth IRA.
Attention Men: It’s Okay To Talk About Penis Molting
I’m definitely probably not alone in this, right?
How Each Zodiac Sign Will Ruin Your Carefully Planned Art Heist
Your failure is written in the stars.
For The Last Time, I’m An Electrician, Not An Energy Healer
I truly don’t know how much clearer I can be on this.
A Good Night’s Sleep Made Me A Much More Efficient Asshole
And it can work for you, too!
What ‘Back To The Future’ Gets Wrong About Almost Having Sex With Your Mom
Like she’ll DEFINITELY remember your face.
‘Star Wars’ Characters You Think You Are When You’re Really Jabba’s Rat Friend
You probably thought you’d be Rey. Or maybe Han?
My Restaurant Will Proudly Fuck Up Your Culture’s Signature Dish
Yes, my gyoza IS pizza-themed!
Our Article Ideas Algorithm Says You Should Marinate Chicken In Piss
It’s never been wrong before…
Need A Vacation From Your Vacation? Try Your Job!
Anything’s better than spending another minute with your family.
Stop Asking My World-Class Orchestra To Play The ‘Super Mario Bros.’ Theme
It’s so insulting.
I’m Trying Really Hard To Not Turn Your Vitamin D Deficiency Into A Dick Joke
This isn’t easy.
I Went Phoneless For A Week (Because A Mugger Stole My Phone)
Don’t you just hate it when we start going crazy when you’re without your phone for a week after a mass assailant robs you of it at gunpoint? Me too.
Confront Your Fears And Self-Doubt By Practicing Open-Eye Sneezing
Yes, your eyes WILL fly out of your head and dangle on your cheeks. But you’ll have confronted your fears in the process.
Macaulay Culkin And The Red Letter Media Guys Talk Conspiracies
Mack is joined by Mike Stoklasa, Rich Evans, and Jay Bauman.
Recipes For Boogers Since That’s The Only Thing My Gross Kids Will Eat
At your wit’s end with your kids eating their boogers instead of your delicious homemade meals?
All The Things To Throw Instead Of Your $70 X-Box Controller
X-Box controllers are expensive. Try throwing these unimportant things instead.
I Owe My Newfound Confidence To Therapy And Stilts (Mostly Stilts)
The secret to rebuilding my confidence was admitting that I needed help – the help of a trusted therapist and of a pair of 5-foot-tall circus stilts.
I Refuse To Wear A Condom Until They Start Making Them Biodegradable
And that’s the only reason.
I’m Furious That Bunny Ears Used My Picture in an Article about Micropenises
When Bunny Ears used a stock image of my face in an article about micropenises, I thought my life was over. It was only just beginning.