Luis is a columnist for Cracked.com and an astral projection of an unfathomable being from across the universe.
Disney+ Has A Category That’s Just People Pissing In The Disney World Bathrooms
It’s troubling, yet riveting.
Distance Acupuncture Combines Healing With The Fun Of Lawn Darts
It’s also incredibly painful.
We Love Shenmue 3’s ‘Grabbing The Coin Between The Car Seats’ Minigame!
It sucks but it’s great.
How To Find The Two NPCs Fucking In The Crowd In NBA 2K20
They have zero regard for arena etiquette.
Remembering The Doping Scandal That Rocked ‘Mario & Sonic At The Olympic Games’
‘It’s-a me! The head of the IOC here to strip you of your medals.’
What Could This Leaked Picture Of A Skateboarding Yoda Action Figure Mean For ‘Rise Of Skywalker’?
Who knew Yoda could kickflip so well?
Fetish Of The Month: The Unexpected Intimacy Of Targeted Internet Ads
They make us feel seen.
Lessons You Never Learned From The Wolves Who Raised You
Like how to set up that Roth IRA.
Attention Men: It’s Okay To Talk About Penis Molting
I’m definitely probably not alone in this, right?
How Each Zodiac Sign Will Ruin Your Carefully Planned Art Heist
Your failure is written in the stars.
For The Last Time, I’m An Electrician, Not An Energy Healer
I truly don’t know how much clearer I can be on this.
A Good Night’s Sleep Made Me A Much More Efficient Asshole
And it can work for you, too!
‘Star Wars’ Characters You Think You Are When You’re Really Jabba’s Rat Friend
You probably thought you’d be Rey. Or maybe Han?
My Restaurant Will Proudly Fuck Up Your Culture’s Signature Dish
Yes, my gyoza IS pizza-themed!
Need A Vacation From Your Vacation? Try Your Job!
Anything’s better than spending another minute with your family.
Stop Asking My World-Class Orchestra To Play The ‘Super Mario Bros.’ Theme
It’s so insulting.
I’m Trying Really Hard To Not Turn Your Vitamin D Deficiency Into A Dick Joke
This isn’t easy.
I Went Phoneless For A Week (Because A Mugger Stole My Phone)
Don’t you just hate it when we start going crazy when you’re without your phone for a week after a mass assailant robs you of it at gunpoint? Me too.
Confront Your Fears And Self-Doubt By Practicing Open-Eye Sneezing
Yes, your eyes WILL fly out of your head and dangle on your cheeks. But you’ll have confronted your fears in the process.
Macaulay Culkin And The Red Letter Media Guys Talk Conspiracies
Mack is joined by Mike Stoklasa, Rich Evans, and Jay Bauman.
All The Things To Throw Instead Of Your $70 X-Box Controller
X-Box controllers are expensive. Try throwing these unimportant things instead.
I Owe My Newfound Confidence To Therapy And Stilts (Mostly Stilts)
The secret to rebuilding my confidence was admitting that I needed help – the help of a trusted therapist and of a pair of 5-foot-tall circus stilts.
I’m Furious That Bunny Ears Used My Picture in an Article about Micropenises
When Bunny Ears used a stock image of my face in an article about micropenises, I thought my life was over. It was only just beginning.
My Feminist Video Game Was Banned From E3 And It’s B.S.
Everyone told me a male game developer shouldn’t try to make a feminist video game about the gender pay gap. But I did it anyway.
Jackfruit Is The Vegan Alternative To Dog Meat You’ve Been Waiting For
Look, we get it. There’s no need to preach to us about how good dog meat can be, and finding a healthy, delicious, vegan alternative can be difficult. Enter jackfruit, a freaky-looking, spiky fruit native to the tropical lowlands of Southeast Asia. Its meaty texture and neutral flavor will leave you amazed that you’re not […]
Identity Retreats: The Best Self-Care After You’ve Witnessed A Crime
I thought my life was over when I changed my identity and was forced into hiding. But boy was I wrong
Charitable Pooping Is A Thing And Allow Me To Explain
Ever feel like you’re letting your poops go to waste? Have you ever considered dropping them on the doorstep of people who may or may not need them?
3 School Lunches Your Child’s Bully Will Love
Cut out the middleman and prep for the bully’s palette instead! It’s good to know there’s at least one person likes your cooking.
Please Stop Jerking Off With My Luxurious Moisturizer
There are so many substances you can use to masturbate. All that I ask is that you don’t use my luxurious moisturizer. It’s not too much to ask, is it?
We Tested $20,000 Worth Of Moisturizers Because We’re Mad With Power
It began as a lazy reason to create some more fine Internet Content. It ended with a morbid obession that brought us to the brink of perpetual moistness.
You’re Not Infusing Your Vinegar And We’re All Judging You For It
Why are you doing this to yourself? To all of us?