Why Can’t My Son Be My Emotional Support Animal? He’s On A Leash
It just doesn’t make any sense. My son can be just as uncontrollable as any beast. He also demonstrates a degree of compassion not only remarkable for his age, but for his species. So, please—someone other than my local, state, and federal governments (and the entire contemporary airline industry) explain to me why I can’t bring my son onto a plane as my emotional support animal, thereby greatly reducing the cost of our overall travel expenses? I keep him on a leash for crying out loud!
Who are you to tell me that only a creature with four legs and covered in fur can provide adequate emotional comfort? My son provides immense emotional support despite being prone to wild fits of uncontrollable hyperactivity, which is why I need to keep him leashed in public at all times (it’s not fastened degradingly around the neck like an actual dog, of course. It’s the kind that straps around his chest). I tell him he’s my little astronaut ready to blast off into space. Truth is sometimes I need to yank him back before he chases an ice cream truck down the street. He is a small beautiful boy with the soul of a Golden Retriever.
But more importantly, my empathetic son helps me cope with panic attacks. He hugs me and tells me encouraging things as the panic builds. Yes, I sometimes have to yank him away from the beverage cart and warn the flight attendants not to give him sugar or caffeine unless they can confirm there’s an air marshal on board that can restrain him if he gnaws through his leash. It’s a small price to pay for a son who can uplift my spirits better than any dog ever could.
And yet, he is apparently unable to get a free seat because he is a “person.”
If you’re worried the leash implies there’s something dangerous about my supportive son, I can assure you it’s just a precaution. He has such a comforting presence that I worry others might run off with him. And he bites. It’s mostly playful, and it only gets rough when people approach me in a manner he deems threatening. Once his natural instincts to protect kick in, there’s really no stopping him. Luckily, his small child teeth rarely break the skin.
My son has just as much of a right to fly by my side as my emotional protector, free of charge, as any animal. I demand his status as an emotional support animal be granted in full immediately, preferably in the next hour, because my frequent flyer miles don’t roll over to next year and I gotta book this trip to Orlando ASAP.
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…