As A Dream Interpreter, I’m Qualified to Say You’re All Disgusting Perverts
I already know the answer due to my years of experience as a dream interpreter, but have you tried watching something other than porn as you fall asleep?
We Tried Amazon’s Text App And Only Got Pics Of Jeff Bezos’s Bald Penis
All this app does is send you a vast collection of Jeff Bezos’s dick pics, and I am not here for it.
The Best Life Insurance For Your Soon-To-Be-Dead Husband
Say you already know your healthy husband is about to die from mysterious causes. Which life insurance policy should you choose for him?
Always the Bridesmaid, Never the Wedding Arch
I can’t help but wonder: when will it be my turn? When will I get to delicately balance myself on four posts above some woman as she marries the man of her dreams?
My Neighbors Are Oppressing Me Over My Giant Inflatable Yanni
What possible reason could they have to object to this beautiful forty foot silk effigy of a naked hairy Greek New Age musician?
What Is Hentai And Why Are Your Kids Powerless Against It?
Jesus Christ, really? I can’t wait to see the suggested ads on this one.
All The Things We Love About The Royal Throuple
It’s so weird that most of us were scandalized when Prince William and Princess Kate decided to take on a third party into their marriage.
What Bunny Ears Writers Are Wishing For This Valentine’s Day
We asked our very own Bunny Ears team what they’ve always wanted from their Valentine. Pay attention! Chances are your special someone will want one of these romantic gifts too.
Common Board Games For Building A Lifelong Rivalry Between Your Kids
Risk doesn’t have to be the only game that tears families apart! With a little manipulating even checkers can have your kiddos start a lifelong rivalry that’ll jumpstart them to greatness!
Ways To Find Love Before You Die Tragically On Valentine’s Day
If you gotta go, you gotta go mourned eternally by someone who found true love just to have it slip through their fingers by the cruelty of fate (and that double-decker bus.)
Check Out Our Winter Jumpers With Absolutely No Implications Of Blackface
Could you imagine if someone actually made a blackface jumper and sold it?
Yes, My Child is a Rescue. It’s The Humane Thing To Do
If you breed your children, you’re literally worse than a hypothetical love child made from the union of Hitler and Stalin, who was then was nannied by Pol Pot.
Duolingo Courses Now Teach You How To Talk To Poors
Now the little green owl will guilt you into learning the language of the lowly and the downtrodden!
I Connected With My Deceased Father By Touching His Thermostat
He’s not a crime solving ghost, or a prophetic warning ghost. He’s just a cheap ghost.
Improve Your Child’s Immunity By Coughing In Her Face
Coughing directly in your child’s face is the ecological, non-toxic, and natural way to ensure they grow healthy immune systems.
Be The Most Fascinating Person at The Party By Drinking Mulled Urine
Hear me out, I don’t like the taste of piss. But I do like how it makes me appear interesting.
What’s Your Fursona Based On Your Star Sign?
Just don’t call it your spirit animal, okay? That’s problematic.
Western Medicine Is A Lie: What Are Penises REALLY For?!??!!!!!??!
Penii? Penes? Amanda, what am I supposed to write here?
Reach Enlightenment By Providing Feedback On My Talking Hippo Script
Read it and then provide at least several pages of feedback and suggestions. The talking hippo is named Everett and he mostly screams.
Heal Thy Neighbor By Throwing Crystals Through His Window
The guy can really use the help, and I’m here to give it to him one 90 mile-an-hour moonstone fastball at a time.
I’m Wearing This Cone To Better Empathize With My Dog
I will not let my beautiful border collie suffer alone!
Get The Attention You Deserve By Faking A Pregnancy (Again)
This is your special time! Turn every possible opportunity into your favor.
Choosing The Right PR Firm For Your Racist Kids
With the right team of professionals, your child can avoid any and all consequences.
Redirect Your Anxiety Into Your Children To Make Them Stronger
Because why shouldn’t they learn from your fears?
These Winter Turtlenecks Will Make The Most Of Your Choking Fetish
Yes, if you long for a really fuzzy pair of hands around your throat these amazing winter turtlenecks are the perfect way to blend your kink with your couture!
I’d Quit My Fashion Job But I Love Dressing Rich People As Literal Dicks
For me, it started small. It was a beanie that looked like a dick.
It’s Never Too Late To Start Planning Your Parents’ Funerals
Yes, even seventeen months after they died in that tragic safari giraffe stampede accident.
Support Nature By Yelling ‘Yaaas Queen’ At Pandas That Won’t Mate
Even if the people who own the zoo keep telling you to please stop doing that.
The Modern Loneliness Epidemic That’s Affecting You And Only You
No one else feels lonely. Ever. It’s just you, the person reading this piece right now.
The Realm of The Piss Demon And Other Dirtiest Places In Your Home
The toilet is where the pee-pee and poops leave your body,
Make The Most Of Your Dying Days And Multi-Task Your Bucket List
You’re going to die and nobody has a clue how it’s going to go down.
What Is This Bird Box Service And Can I Order ‘Just The Beaks’?
Honestly, what is bird box and why are all of my friends talking about it?
Poop Doulas And 4 Other Types Of Doulas You Didn’t Know You Need
A good doula is duty-bound to help you do things your way!
My Resolution Is To Be A Better Person So I Chose Jane from Accounting
Everyone loves Jane. No one likes me. So, Jane seemed like the perfect resolution.
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…