Our Festival Season Guide To The Most Luxe Antibiotics
Our hot new antibiotics primer let’s you get the most out of this year’s music festival without looking like a basic penicillin loser.
A Day In The Life: 18 Hours With Rami Malek (Before He Escaped)
We followed Rami Malek around to see what he gets up to, and then kidnapped him!
Fuck Your Tree The Way It Deserves To Be Fucked This Arbor Day
Show your tree how much you love it…physically.
I’m An Introvert And I Need Every Person On Earth To Know It
Only after I personally tell every sentient creature that I’m super shy will the world finally understand my struggles as an introvert.
Use Your Wedding Gift Registry To Ensure Your Guests Know You Fuck Hard
Your wedding gift registry isn’t about tradition, it’s about letting guests know you can outscrew anyone, in explicit detail!
The Most Obnoxious Ways To Come Out As Sapiosexual
Some self-described Sapiosexuals are pansexual and pretentious, but others are just pretentious. You’re smart, you fuck smart, and everyone should know it.
I Will Not Be Shamed For Watching Porn, Especially On The Bus
Watching porn on the bus doesn’t make me weird. It makes me a sex positive revolutionary on the front lines in the war between prudishness and pleasure.
Things To Do With The Scarabs That Keep Crawling Out Of Your Mouth
Stop spitting them into the garbage and do something useful with those beetles that emerge from your mouth for inscrutable reasons.
You Can Now Use Face/Off Technology To Explore Your Mommy Issues
I tried out this new Face/Off procedure so I could see what I could learn about my childhood in order to be able to exploit it for an internet article. Here is what I learned.
We Hired An Expert To Smell Our Farts
We believe in being introspective and learning about ourselves. That’s why we hired serious professionals to smell our farts.
What’s Up With French Penises? An Exclusive Bunny Ears Investigation
We bought ourselves some gold-studded berets and launched a full-scale investigation. Yes, we were going to discover the true form of the French penis.
Get That Look: Grimace
Use this guide, and everywhere you go, people will think that you’re the real Grimace!
How To Accentuate Your Resting Dad Dick
Every dad has a pants pickle ready to tickle, but we don’t always put it out there in the best light. Well that ends now.
Apply Early! These Preschools Are So Exclusive They Don’t Allow Children
Or do you hate your children too much help them succeed?
3 Best Places To Lay Your Eggs This Spring (And 4 You Shouldn’t!)
Wake up, you actual bear who has been sleeping for months. Bet you’re hungry.
Fresh Herbs To Plant In That Indent Left By Your Waistband
Time to roll up your sleeves, roll down your waistband, and tend to an indent herb garden of your own.
Ask A $715 Cashmere Beanie
You have questions, this luxurious cashmere beanie has answers. Everything from relationship advice to grooming habits, this cashmere beanie can help!
Swimming with Lobsters Might Be The Key to Curing Anxiety
“As I waded into a murky backyard pool in Long Beach, California, I felt that familiar tightening in my gut. My anxiety was rearing its ugly head, reminding me that I have an ever-present passenger. I continued forward, my lonely thighs now fully submerged, and felt a pinch. Then two more. I was not alone […]
Shower Sex Positions That Only Work If Your Turn-On Is Waterboarding
Remember, your sex life doesn’t need to follow the Geneva Convention, so just have fun with it!
The Most Romantic, Out-Of-The-Way Chain Restaurants for Having Your Affair
Nothing says, “I don’t want to lose you, but I also don’t want to lose my marriage” like vaguely-Asian pot stickers.
Dating Tips For Ensuring They Don’t Find Your Box Of Fake Security Badges
The last thing an on-the-market millennial needs is for that new special someone to stumble upon your embarrassing collection of scattered fake security badges and hospital IDs. Cringe!
These Credit Cards Relieve Menstrual Cramps And Fix Your Hair
If Dick Cheney had a period the Iraq war would have never been started because he would be too busy going to the hospital every full moon.
Find A Therapist That Won’t Disagree With You
You aren’t paying all that money for someone to tell you you are wrong!
Save Your Marriage After You Wrecked It Following Our Marriage Advice
It’s not okay to go on vacation and have an affair. We should have known that. That’s on us. But also, you should have known not to take that advice, so that’s on you, too.
7 Hot Jackets You Can Tie Around Your Neck Like A Cape
Congrats, you’re a superhero now. Off to save the day!
Signs Your Time-Traveling Husband Has A Second Family In 1886
It’s never a positive sign if your husband is suddenly snapped back to 2019 without any clothes on and a slightly sweaty sheen to him.
Stick-And-Poke Tats Are The New Face-Painting At Your Kids’ Parties!
Move over Fudgy the Whale, crude needle poke tattoos are the new big children’s party must-have of the year!
We Tested $20,000 Worth Of Moisturizers Because We’re Mad With Power
It began as a lazy reason to create some more fine Internet Content. It ended with a morbid obession that brought us to the brink of perpetual moistness.
Is Non-Consensual Non-Monogamy Right for You?
You’re not cheating. You’re simply engaging in sexual acts with people outside your marriage without telling your partner about it. And that’s different. There’s a different label on it. And a book. And a website. So it’s fine.
Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating With a Circus Clown
No, you’re not crazy – if you’ve got a bad feeling it’s happening, then your spouse probably is cheating on you with a circus clown.
Moisturize Until You’re Frictionless And Entering The Speed Force
You will reach unfathomable velocity.
Why We Had A Water Birth At The City Swimming Pool
It’s so much healthier to bring your baby into the world with a water birth. And it costs next to nothing to do it down at the local pool!
Non-Phallic Sex Toys For When You Wanna Get Plowed By A Muppet
We can approximate Muppet genitals based on their design with the following colorful sex toys clearly designed to simulate Muppintercourse.
As A Dream Interpreter, I’m Qualified to Say You’re All Disgusting Perverts
I already know the answer due to my years of experience as a dream interpreter, but have you tried watching something other than porn as you fall asleep?
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…