Jessica Ellis is a filmmaker in LA, has written for HelloGiggles and The Toast, and can be found offering free pies on twitter at @baddestmamajama. She has a limited amount of time for your nonsense.
Coughing directly in your child’s face is the ecological, non-toxic, and natural way to ensure they grow healthy immune systems.
Finally!
Was it Wade Duck? Or perhaps Orson Pig?
To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries, to yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese!
Swimwear is no place to abandon ANY of your sisters, that’s why we’ve got the perfect swimsuits for every gal whose body fat percentage we accept as okay!
Your imperfections aren’t a good enough reason to appropriate the last art form of truly beautiful women – the no-makeup selfie.
Sometimes your pegasus is a god damn pegadick.
Use your pubes as nature intended!
The hyena ambush really sealed the deal.
Fellow spiritual siblings, if you’ve been on a vision journey over the last 12 months, you may be blissfully preparing for the season of peace and joy. Unfortunately, here on the bodily plane, it turns out that everything everywhere is now terrible. But nothing can stop the lighting of the menorah or the trimming of […]
Free-bleeding during your period is, of course, one of the most intense and respectful ways to embody our connection with Gaia. When we allow our menstrual blood to saturate our Lululemons without processed, cancer-causing tampons or pads in the way, we acknowledge ourselves as women, as complete beings, and of course, as superior to Margot […]
Oops.
And the eggs are hard boiled, so brunch is served!
They mostly told us to optimize vertical space?
He’s a sexy liar god, and that’s hot!
We checked.
Deck the halls with a perfect Christmas tree, you absolutely miserable bastard.
Because therapy is hard.
Killer whales have dominated the mommy game lately, which is why I’m now only communicating with my children with squeaking and nose bumps.
You SAY it’s your favorite season. Prove it.
It just isn’t right.
Like, brown ones, maybe?
PB&J is fall, right?
Those ingrates will thank me later.
Yes, the earth is dying, but check out these glitter pens!
Because it’s literally all that’s left.
It’s better here.
Protecting endangered cartoon animals like the Care Bears is a moral duty
“We’re all in this together, so stop squirming.”
Heading out into the wilderness for some hiking is a great way to reconnect with your true self and get your ass bit by majestic nature.
The most important questions you should definitely ask your doctor about robot sex, no matter how awkward you or they feel.
Have you tried apple slices and cinnamon?!
Sure, death is forever. But so is the perfect instagram pic!
Like the Harvard Yard Festival, where stake-burning is encouraged!
Do you know the signs?
Marshmallows are basically nature’s intestinal glue.
Pair it with Jordan Catalano hair and deep ennui.
There’s so many kinds of foods you can think about!
Have you heard of the Waxing Ex Crescent moon?
We’re sorry to be the ones to break it to you.
What goes where?!
Build upon shared interests.
Humiliate them until they dissolve in shame and fear.
The blindness is SO worth it.
Getting whipped with a tiny man on your back has never felt so good!
