Jessica Ellis is a filmmaker in LA, has written for HelloGiggles and The Toast, and can be found offering free pies on twitter at @baddestmamajama. She has a limited amount of time for your nonsense.
Improve Your Child’s Immunity By Coughing In Her Face
Coughing directly in your child’s face is the ecological, non-toxic, and natural way to ensure they grow healthy immune systems.
Which U.S. Acres Character Did You Eat? Take This Quiz
Was it Wade Duck? Or perhaps Orson Pig?
Increase Your Positivity: Respond To Criticism With Lyrics From ‘Rent’
To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries, to yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese!
2019 Swimsuit Trends For Every Body As Long As They’re Skinny
Swimwear is no place to abandon ANY of your sisters, that’s why we’ve got the perfect swimsuits for every gal whose body fat percentage we accept as okay!
Faking No-Makeup Selfies: A Hate Crime Against Actually Beautiful Women
Your imperfections aren’t a good enough reason to appropriate the last art form of truly beautiful women – the no-makeup selfie.
Goddess Problems: When The Pegasus You Summoned Is Kind Of A Dick
Sometimes your pegasus is a god damn pegadick.
Grow Your Pubes Now For This Year’s Coziest Winter Blanket—Here’s How
Use your pubes as nature intended!
I No Longer Believe In Cage-Free Zoos Now That My Family Is Dead
The hyena ambush really sealed the deal.
These New Twists On Hot Cocoa Might Literally Save Your Life
Fellow spiritual siblings, if you’ve been on a vision journey over the last 12 months, you may be blissfully preparing for the season of peace and joy. Unfortunately, here on the bodily plane, it turns out that everything everywhere is now terrible. But nothing can stop the lighting of the menorah or the trimming of […]
Free-bleeding: It’s Not Just For Periods Anymore
Free-bleeding during your period is, of course, one of the most intense and respectful ways to embody our connection with Gaia. When we allow our menstrual blood to saturate our Lululemons without processed, cancer-causing tampons or pads in the way, we acknowledge ourselves as women, as complete beings, and of course, as superior to Margot […]
Return To The Pagan Roots Of Easter By Shooting Eggs Out Your Vag
And the eggs are hard boiled, so brunch is served!
Become An Organizational Wizard By Asking Actual Wizards For Help
They mostly told us to optimize vertical space?
Your Baby Daddy Is Zeus Disguised As A Shower Of Gold: Own It!
He’s a sexy liar god, and that’s hot!
Which Christmas Tree Is Right For Your Empty, Loveless Apartment?
Deck the halls with a perfect Christmas tree, you absolutely miserable bastard.
Mask Your Depression By Telling Everyone You’re A Hibernating Bear
Because therapy is hard.
I’m Only Taking Parenting Advice From Killer Whales From Now On
Killer whales have dominated the mommy game lately, which is why I’m now only communicating with my children with squeaking and nose bumps.
If You Really Love Fall You’ll Eat These Fucking Yellow Leaves
You SAY it’s your favorite season. Prove it.
Cat Breeds To Adopt If Your Landlord Doesn’t Allow Good Pets, Like A Dog
Like, brown ones, maybe?
Fall Recipes For Your Kids To Try While You Fuck Their Gym Teacher
PB&J is fall, right?
I’m Building A Neighborhood Garden No Matter What My Asshole Neighbors Say
Those ingrates will thank me later.
Back-To-School Sales For Regressing Back To When You Had Hope
Yes, the earth is dying, but check out these glitter pens!
We’re Out Of Cute Mythological Animals, So Let’s Be Harpies, Ladies!
Because it’s literally all that’s left.
Hunting Care Bears: Just Because You Can, Doesn’t Mean You Should
Protecting endangered cartoon animals like the Care Bears is a moral duty
Is It Ethical To Put Sunscreen On Total Strangers?
“We’re all in this together, so stop squirming.”
Everything That’s Gonna Bite You On This Summer Hiking Trip
Heading out into the wilderness for some hiking is a great way to reconnect with your true self and get your ass bit by majestic nature.
Questions You’re Too Afraid To Ask Your Doctor About How Robots Have Sex
The most important questions you should definitely ask your doctor about robot sex, no matter how awkward you or they feel.
Healthy Twists On Picnic Favorites Literally No One Wants You To Make
Have you tried apple slices and cinnamon?!
The Most Instagrammable Ways To Die This Summer
Sure, death is forever. But so is the perfect instagram pic!
Our Guide To The Most Terrifyingly Authentic Renaissance Faires of 2019
Like the Harvard Yard Festival, where stake-burning is encouraged!
How To Tell When Your House Plants Are Sick Of Listening To You Talk
Do you know the signs?
Our Marshmallow Diet Lets You Camp In The Woods For Weeks Without Pooping!
Marshmallows are basically nature’s intestinal glue.
This Summer’s Hottest Diet Is Staring At The Ocean Thinking About Food
There’s so many kinds of foods you can think about!
The Ferret Vagina Moon And Other Powerful Moon Phases We Just Made Up
Have you heard of the Waxing Ex Crescent moon?
’90s School Lunches That Mean Your Mom Didn’t Care
We’re sorry to be the ones to break it to you.
Don’t Just Minimize Your Pores, Psychologically Destroy Them
Humiliate them until they dissolve in shame and fear.
Summer’s Hottest Trend: Replacing Your Corneas With Buttons
The blindness is SO worth it.