bunnyears

…Your Dog Might Have A Secret Passport…
…Hospital Cracks Down On Patients Getting Chemo For Fun…
…Against All Odds, Man Learns To Dance…
…Quiz: Is This The Good Milk?…
…Help, I’m Trapped In A Headline Writing Factory. Details To Follow…
…Sugar daddy eaten by ants…
…Children May Be Stupider And Weaker Than Previously Thought…
…Breaking: Absolutely no one wang chunging tonight…
…Did Tupac fake his birth?…
…Half The World’s Bees Have Never Seen The Show Seinfeld…
…Woman Memorizes Snapple Fact In Case Tonight’s Party Is That Bad…
…Shazaam not a real movie…Google it…
…A New Generation Of Turtles Are Learning Martial Arts…
…Single Woman Manages To Meet Food Delivery Minimum…
…Don’t Forget To Grab Milk…
…Single 32 Year Old Patiently Waits For Friends To Get Divorced…
…Spoiler alert: The milk has gone bad…
…6 Year Online Romance Ends In Weird Handshake…
…Mother Struggles To Explain Scott Baio To Her Child…
… Michael Jordan Comes Out Of Retirement To Dunk On Angela Merkel…
…Bunny Ears wins prestigious Bunny Ears website of the year award at the Bunny Ears Awards…
…Fourth grade teacher found to be not as hot as you remember…
…According to studies accordions are unsteady…
…New Boyfriend Eats Imitation Crab Straight From The Package…
…Chill Girlfriend Constantly Suppressing Everything…
…Reported discovery of new planet turns out to be your mom…
…According to studies studying causes cancer…
…Man pretty sure Game Of Thrones is historically accurate…
…Violent Pokémon dispute sparks trade war…
…Opinion: We’re In A Golden Age Of Trash Talking…
…Hurricane wipes out town of Duckberg…
…Local white guy “gets it”…
…Report reveals Rice-A-Roni actually from Detroit…
…Confirmed: Everyone is hanging out without you…
…Opinion: I Have The Best Smile And Coolest Personality …
…Survey finds startling amount of ghosts are racist….
…13th month discovered between February and March….
…Man discovers woman already knows thing he was going to tell her….
…Very smart toilet begs for death…
…Unusually Buff Dog Not Breaking Eye Contact…
…Breaking – There’s A Spider In Your Pocket…
…Am I standing right behind you? The answer might surprise you!…
…Update: Only very tiny hats now cool…
…Scientists find that deja vu is just alternate timeline of you dying…
…’Glow Up’ Discovered To Just Be DBZ Reference…
…Adult Hearing Mom Use Their Full Name Still Terrified…
…Gordon Ramsay Signed Beef Wellington Sells For 1.6 Million…
…Scientists Discover A Lot Of Cool Junk In Older Brother’s Room…
…Woman With Scoliosis Has Detailed Knowledge Of Floor-…
…Drugs In Water Supply Treat Fish’s Depression…
…Big dick energy drink selling poorly…
…Millennials Are Disrupting The Banjo Industry…
…Dollars to donuts exchange crashing…
…Local Couple Adopts Blind Dogs And Just Puts Them Down…
…Santa is real, and he lives in your crawl space….
…Study: Loss Of Car Leads To 1000% Catcalling Increase…
…Research shows laughter definitely not the best medicine…
…Email From Mom Has 4 FWDs In Subject Line…

Goat Yoga Is So Last Season, So We’re Testing Out All These Animals We Stole From The Zoo

goat yoga

Our balanced, centered Bunny Ears team knows you’ve devoted yourself to the ancient practice of yoga. Which is why we like to keep you up-to-date on the latest yoga trends (but not the lame and boring ones, like “cultural awareness”).

And it’s official: Goat yoga is out. We know you invested in a handy goat several months back, but it’s time to let Mister BaBaaa go to where all good goats do (the slaughterhouse off I-5). That being said, this definitely doesn’t mean other forms of animal-based yoga can’t be in. And that’s why we here at Bunny Ears spent our weekend robbing the local zoo of everything we could stuff in a trailer and our pants.

We hightailed it to a destination yoga retreat/well-guarded fortress, and here’s the results of our trials!

Capybara

 

From the moment we started our first asana with this smug bastard, we knew we were in the wrong class. So far, capybara yoga consists of him staring at our ass in silent judgment, which is literally no different than Hot Yoga with Ethan at BodyWerks. On the plus side, his head makes an excellent yoga block substitute…if you can handle those beady, holier-than-thou eyes staring up at you.

Score: One grey enlightenment bead.

DON’T MISS:  Avoid Fashion Faux Pas When Digging Through Your Neighbor's Trash

Gerenuk

yoga

When we snuck into the gerenuk paddock after dark and offered seven of these girls alfalfa laced with molly, we thought we’d finally found the perfect yoga pals. After all, perspiration comes from inspiration, and what could be more inspiring than a skinny gazelle that looks fresh off the runway? Unfortunately, the gerenuks got bored and preferred to cluster together, talking shit and eating the bark off our baobob tree while we were distracted in child’s pose.

Score: One pint of chi.

Harpy Eagle

yoga

Hatha yoga is for wusses, which is why we stole this harpy eagle to pump up our power poses. Harpy eagles are notorious for murdering medium-sized mammals while looking fabulous. You’ll certainly remember to hold your stomach in alignment when you’re sucking it away from her flesh-tearing beak! And feel free to throw in a little invigorating yoga-kickboxing to keep her off your eyeballs. Do not, under any circumstances, adopt cat pose.

Score: Three blood transfusions.

Peacock

yoga

Fuck this showboat. Go to pilates, you screechy teal bitch.

Score: Nothing. Go to hell. You aren’t prettier than me.

Orca

We don’t understand how anyone could live without a 300,000-gallon saltwater pool for rejuvenation and family fun, especially when it’s also perfect for this orca we airlifted in Elon Musk’s orca-extracting submarine helicopter.

DON’T MISS:  How To Superglue Your Pores Shut To Keep Out Dirt And Oil

If you’ve ever been to SeaWorld, you’ll likely already know all about the orca’s flexibility and depression—which makes her the perfect yoga pal. She can help you stretch to new heights as you meditate together on the necessity of animal cruelty for human enjoyment. You’ll even break your bad habit of breath- holding as she playfully drags you down to the bottom of the pool.

Score: One Reincarnation.

Some Fucking Pig Thing

We didn’t even try to kidnap this weirdo, especially once zoo security was on our backs. But he just kept showing up goddamn everywhere. Seriously, why is the zoo like seven cool animals and then 150 enclosures of weird-ass tall pigs and sheep who have lived a little? He kinda sucks at yoga, but makes a decent balance board. It’s like standing on a snoring toothbrush!

Score: Three, idk, pig points? Pigs have no place in yoga.

Overall, there are a wide variety of animals that can serve as your targeted yoga companions. The most important thing is to choose an animal close to your fitness level who shares your values as an experimental yogi. Now, if you need us, we’ll be getting blazed with a bunch of koalas high up in our eucalyptus tree where the heavy leaf canopy hides us from those police helicopters circling overhead. Namasté.

DON’T MISS:  I Didn't Rescue My Dog, My Dog Rescued Me (From Immense Danger)

Images: Pixabay Wikimedia, Wikimedia, Wikimedia, Wikimedia, WikimediaWikimedia

You Might Also Like

Self Care 101: Meditate To The Idea Of The Gang From ‘Entourage’

The bros got Vince through eight seasons and one movie.

Read More

Using Your Love Language To Ask To Speak To The Manager

Get that guy fired—your way.

Read More

Macaulay Culkin’s Wellness Island Festival Has Been Regretfully Cancelled

Turns out crabs are no joke!

Read More
1 Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Stalk Us

Video of the Week

We’re Back, Baby! Take THAT, Sawa!