Confront Your Fears And Self-Doubt By Practicing Open-Eye Sneezing

May 31, 2019 by , featured in Health
Share this on
  • 616
    Shares

Closing your eyes when you sneeze is a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of fear. You’re flinching at your own body’s natural functions. By holding your eyes tight, you’re sending an unconscious message to yourself: You fear what you are capable of. That’s why I practice open-eye sneezing. Keeping my eyes peeled as I unleash a mighty sneeze has me feeling more confident in myself than ever before. I encourage everyone to try open-eye sneezing, too. Just remember to pop your eyes back into their respective sockets afterward, and you’re good to go.

Jarring At First

Just as we have to be brave enough to never flinch at a bully’s threats of violence, we must keep our eyes open during a sneeze with our fingers, a pair of spoons, or through sheer force of will. Obviously, it’ll be a little jarring the first time your eyes rocket out of your head and dangle by your mouth like a Newton’s cradle, but you will be better for it.

It’s natural to feel a little apprehensive about your eyes flying out of your head. The human mind was not built to stare at its own feet while the face is pointed forward. But it’s really not as bad as it sounds.

(Not) As Seen On TV!

It’s not like in the cartoons where a character’s eyes are startled out of its skull and then retract neatly into place. The force of your eyeballs launching out will cause the optic nerve to catch, snapping your head forward a little, like you’re being dragged by a speedboat. There’s so much that can go wrong from there, but the biggest problem I’ve encountered during my weekends traveling throughout the southeastern United States delivering seminars in vacant strip mall storefronts is people leaving their mouths open and accidentally inhaling one (or both) of their eyeballs when they take their first satisfying post-sneeze inhale. It’s a hell of a sight, for them and for me. Haunting, really. But the invigorating sense of self-actualization that follows really outweighs the risk of swallowing your own eyes. Besides, I’ll teach you my patented Scoop-n-Pop™ eye re-insertion technique. You’ll be fine.

MORE FROM BUNNY EARS
Old-Timey Car Horn Sounds To Make During A Breast Exam

A sneeze is pure horsepower ripping through your nasal passages to clear out dust and — if you let it — your fears. Sometimes, your eyes go with them. It happens. It’s the kind of side effect you’ll be okay with, just long as you don’t slurp down your eyes and optic nerves like spaghetti and meatballs.

Images: Pexels / Bunny Ears


Share this on
  • 616
    Shares

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Macrodosing: Taking So Much LSD That Nothing Matters Anymore


Forget Guilt-Free Snacking: Here Are The “Conflict Diamonds” Of Snack Foods


Fun Ways To Ask Your Cool Teens If They’ve Had A BM Today


Treat Erectile Dysfunction By Dangling “It” Over A Pool Of Hungry Piranhas


A Beginner’s Guide To Indoor Plants


Cool Stuff to Buy

Stalk Us

logo
Home Lifestyle Pop Culture Wrestling Podcasts Videos About Us