Tag Archives: health

You have to fart otherwise you’ll get sick. Just go with me on this.

The most important questions you should definitely ask your doctor about robot sex, no matter how awkward you or they feel.

This isn’t easy.

What? Oh no.

What goes where?!

A Bunny Ears original poem.

Humiliate them until they dissolve in shame and fear.

What is wrong with you?

Oh God. Is this normal?

You may be surprised by these findings.

100% of people who breathe oxygen will die at some point in their life.

Yes, your eyes WILL fly out of your head and dangle on your cheeks. But you’ll have confronted your fears in the process.

Do you panic during surgery? Do you constantly fear getting lost in the mall?

We made a mistake, okay?

You might never be able to stay at any Marriott-affiliated hotel or resort again. But it’s worth it!

It’s easy!

Want to save the planet AND keep being an unimprovable slob? Our biodegradable work-out equipment lets you finally feel good about doing nothing!

You’re probably used to singing the worst karaoke songs ever. If you’re one of those people who love singing songs that end too quickly, this is for you.

This amazing new tobacco plant is all-natural and therefore must be healthy. Right?

Worth it.

Don’t let disease get you down. Fight through your illness with our bold new method of denying its existence! You’ll be healthy in no time!

I mean who knows, right?

It’s for the best.

You know, for the health benefits.

The bros got Vince through eight seasons and one movie.

I had tried everything.

It’s not hard to make these small changes in your life, it just takes a little planning and a TON of constant anxiety.

Immortality is now just a click away.

Fuck! Are you feeling this?

The Church Of False-Vestigially has implemented a state-of-the-art health program with only a 40% failure* rate. It’s called the “LSD Hole Diet,” and it’s totally shaking up the diet world.

Better safe than sorry! Time to replace all my poop with someone else’s poop!

You know what they say: You can’t screw up pizza! But we’re gonna try.

Just because it’s a DIY neopagan water birth taking place in a tiny yurt does not mean there are no rules.

We’re so excited about our favorite green smoothie at Bile, Los Angeles’s opulent private juice dojo, that we decided to try making one at home. The object of our obsession is the Manaus, a jade green superfood confection made with a touch of poison dart frog venom for paralyzing the face’s unnecessary smiling muscles. We […]

I’m not typically so skeptical on first introductions. I’ve tried a lot of non-traditional therapies. I had to admit, however, that the atmosphere of this waiting room was … unusual. The receptionist was covered in silver body paint and wearing what looked like paintball safety gear. An entire wall of the room was devoted to […]

Seriously. Right now.

Foam rolling is a great way to elongate your spine and eliminate back pain. Keeping a foam roller in your house will ensure that your back is straight and your feet are tripped every time you try to walk through the living room. I purchased a foam roller, and it came with a brochure titled […]

I never thought I’d be saying this, but here I am: I floated in a sensory deprivation tank and turned into the baby from 2001: A Space Odyssey. I feel like I might be one with the universe but mostly I’m pretty stressed about being naked and worried everyone is going to see my space […]

There are few more frightening, serious, and expensive predicaments in life than suddenly needing an organ replacement. Not only do you get to feel like garbage for the months or even years you’re on a waiting list for a new one, but you get the pleasure of a $150,000 hospital bill upon transplant. There’s got to […]

Healing crystals are the perfect synthesis of science and metaphysics. It’s only natural to want to add that to your extant self-care routine of getting blitzed on giggle greens all day. Fortunately for you, crystal pipes fuse the natural vibrational energy of quartz with the swift rush of that dank herb. Choosing Your Crystal Pipe […]

Forget moisturizer, anti aging cream, acne products, facial cleanser, medical hazard eye wash, propranolol, peanut butter so your dog will take her pills, lip balm, wound balm, elbow balm, elephant balm—forget all the balms! Forget cyst rub, antifungal cream, antibacterial cream, engine lube and Abreva. In fact, forget going to doctors, dentists, and car mechanics […]

I know you all mean well. I’m touched, really, by your concern for my well-being and selfless dedication to providing helpful advice. To many of you, it may seem to be very good advice, maybe even of dire importance. My skin is yellow and taut but also swollen around my joints. I haven’t secreted a […]

Hey, you, with the penis. Be honest. Does your penis not work so good anymore? It happens. Stress, medical problems, overuse, and aging take their toll and weaken your love tackle, but there are measures you can take to revive the ol’ pants meat. I’m not talking about pumps or pills—that’s Big Pharma hooey. You […]

As a wellness writer at Bunny Ears, I love to get my vagina steamed by going outside naked, pointing my yon-yon at the upper atmosphere, and waiting for climate change to take its course. If that doesn’t make me the hostess with the moistest, I get my face as close as possible to my sacred […]

Look, I’ve tried just about every diet under the sun and I can tell you, most of them are false promises and retained water weight. All those carb-based diets leave you feeling sluggish. Atkins? Maybe if you want gout. Vegan? I’m not a rabbit, thanks. I had started to give up. I thought I would […]