How Eating Ass Improved My Gut Health

January 18, 2019 by
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I have always had a sensitive stomach. No matter what there seems to be some type of queasiness, gas, or worst of all the butterflies I get whenever I see my weed dealer. Over the past year I had tried everything from pills to Kefier, but I finally fund the cure. I found a regiment that totally improved my gut health: Eating ass.

Now the results weren’t expected, who knew that analingus would completely cure my digestive issues? I had tried it all, adding more fiber, probiotics, that bile Jamie Lee Curtis calls yogurt… but nothing seemed to work. I even tried an all fermented diet and all that happened is that I started to pee straight vinegar. Kimchi is not all it’s cracked up to be.

eating ass gut health

It all started back when I was dating Tim, my first ever ass man. Only he was super selfish so being an “ass man” was more about his ass than anyone else’s. As much as I still resent him, he did one thing for me. He gave me my breakthrough. After three months of dating Tim, my symptoms were no longer showing. The bloating and constipation were gone and the appetite for a freshly tossed salad was on!

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After I broke it off with Tim I wasn’t sure that the analingus cure was for real. The bloating and upset stomach came back. At first I thought it was the stress of the break up. But after a one night stand with that guy from my brunch place I knew the truth. And I redefined what qualifies as a brunch food. My symptoms were gone and the only way to keep them away was to keep up with this new brunch menu. Consisting of butt.

eating ass gut health
This peach may look like a butt but it tastes DISGUSTING

I am not sure what it is about analingus that improves my gut health. But I am fairly certain that it is micro particles of poo. Most people would be grossed out by this. But thinking about those little microscopic pieces of shit going down my throat and regulating my gut bacteria for the better has become a massive turn on for me. I imagine that’s what everyone who’s into analingus is turned on by. Tiny bits of poo.

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Sometimes was got hard to keep my gut health in good shape. After I discovered my new butt-based diet, dating became hard. Not all of my partners cared about my health as much as I do. They wouldn’t even let me eat their ass, it’s so selfish!

Luckily due to fetish websites and my own instincts I finally began to find suitable partners. My new partner Blake absolutely loves me despite my health issues and is more than willing to do everything he can to help. He even took out the bidet in his apartment and just wipes now! That’s love!

Images: Unsplash, Unsplash,


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2 Comments

  1. wow, eating ass will save me mucho deniro since i won’t have to spend money on a fecal transplant.

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