Taking care of my health is very important to me. But I’m a very busy woman and I don’t have the time to keep track of which vitamins, minerals, and birth controls I’ve ingested in the past 24 hours. That’s why I’m so in love with the vitamin tampons trend. So convenient for an on-the-go gal like me. Even if I’m too busy with meetings to stop and grab brunch, I know my body is still getting the nutrition it needs. And there’s always a thoughtful friend or co-worker around with a stash in her purse. So, here’s the list of the best vitamins to soak tampons in before sticking them up your butt. Like me. Like what I do.
I mean really, you should have seen this one coming. What list of vitamins would be complete without the ubiquitous B-12? B-12 is great for a quick pick-me-up when I’m feeling sluggish. This vitamin helps convert food into fuel. So, it’s a real kick in the pants, if you know what I mean. I’ve also experienced fewer headaches and a boost to my immune system. I also seem to be aging backward. Every day I look in the mirror and am amazed at how much smoother my skin has become. I’m like a reverse Benjamin Button. (Benjamin Button was a boy. They say if you have to explain a joke, it isn’t funny. But I really felt like maybe you would think I meant reverse as in aging the right direction instead of backward like Brad Pitt does in that movie. Which wouldn’t even make sense in context but I thought that was a real possibility, so here we are.)
Calcium And Folic Acid
I’m lactose intolerant. Anything that allows me to safely add a little extra calcium to my diet is a must. Both calcium and folic acid have great benefits for digestive health. My colon is growing stronger by the day. Folic acid also helps my hair and nails grow. Which is … mostly great. I’ve increased the frequency of my Brazilian waxes so much my salon started giving me discounts and now keeps a treatment table on reserve, just for me. Also, I just kind of really like the feeling of having things in my butt. I could be soaking these things in a sugar water and I’m honestly not sure I would be able to tell the difference. It just helps to be able to yell, “VITAMINS, THO” at nosy cashiers and sexual partners.
I tend to have pretty heavy periods and have chronically low iron levels. That’s why, once a month, for about a week, I soak my tampons in iron. I’ve found the quickest way to replenish the nutrition I’ve lost during this time is to take the double-pronged approach. Aunt Flo means a mandatory gooch tampon, anyway. So, I stick one up the front and one up the back and boom, my blood test panel is off the charts. Iron deficiency anemia can suck it.
Bananas are gross and I’m sick of putting them up my butt.