Hot Fashion Trend: Wearing Your Parents’ Underwear
They were so uncool when we were growing up, but as it turns out our parents had pretty rad style. Those high-waisted, acid-washed denims your mom wore? Those are “mom jeans” now, and all the Instagram influencers who didn’t die at the Fyre Festival wear them to depositions. As for your dad, he still leaves the house in cargo shorts, black socks, and sandals, which is such an ugly combo it forces onlookers to look elsewhere, at other parts of his chubby body. Well, guess what? That schlubby physique is a “dad bod.”
Clearly, our parents knew what they were doing with clothes, and their legacy has infiltrated fashion trends all the way down to intimate apparel. In that sexy segment, the hottest thing going is wearing your parents’ underwear. No, not the styles — you’re going to wear your mother and father’s actual undergarments.
They’re not granny panties—they’ve rebranded as “mom skivvies.” A relic of a previous generation, they are designed specifically to not titillate, be too revealing, or make a woman feel at all sexy or an object of desire to anyone who sees her in them. (Like your dad.) They are not “panties” — they are Women’s underwear. They’re designed for comfort, to cover half the body, and to never ride up. Now, doesn’t that sound nice? You don’t always want to get leered at or harbor a sexy secret. Just wear these, which still smell faintly of your mom’s Jean Nate After Bath. Plus, that orange-coral-pink that was once probably “rose” is totally your color.
Posture support bra
They were two-for-the-price-of-one from a mail-order gift catalog in 1989, so mom bought two, one in off-white, and one in tan. She’s still got the off-white in rotation, but doesn’t wear the tan so much, so it’s basically good as new. She did break it in for you, because, as she likes to tell you, you’ve got a “similar bosom.” The X on the back marks the spot … for fashion forwardness! It also lets you know that it’s going to provide a high level of support and suppress your “girls” from moving that not even the most sadistic of sports bras can offer.
Not to be confused with sexy, “goth”-type corsets, these slimming garments predate Spanx by a good 150 years. Your mom has been using this as her “diet trick” off and on since the ‘70s, and especially since the government banned fen-phen. How it works: The girdle squeezes the body into itself, squishing organs against and inside each other. But hey, beauty hurts and being thin never goes out of fashion. Mom knew what was up wearing this scary looking thing, and so did grandma. Fun fact: Your mom’s girdle is also your grandma’s girdle.
Say hello to a true classic in the world of parents’ underwear. Men’s briefs are the “little black dress” of male fashion, a reliable staple for generations. They’ve got their charms — they give a guy support, and a little hole to stick his business through at pee-pee time. (Unlike, say, boxer shorts, which leave you hanging and are difficult to navigate, junk-wise.) Tighty-whiteys are legendary, especially your dad’s, because he’s been wearing them for more than 35 years. (He bought them the same day he went to a Linda Ronstadt concert.) They’re frayed, the elastic waistband gave out in 1998, and they’ve stained brown in the back. Hey, don’t be afraid of a “racing stripe” or two. That shit means your dad has seen some shit. His life, like your parents’ underwear, is well seasoned and full of character.
Don’t some ill-fitting shorts of thin material pair perfectly with an ill-fitting shirt of thin material? They even match, same color and everything, except the undershirt has yellow stains, not brown ones. It’s also even older than the briefs, because your dad is an “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” kind of guy. Stealing his drawers from his drawers will make you fashionable while also forcing him to go buy underwear for the first time since the Carter administration. (Because you stole all of his.)
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