Summer’s Hottest Look Is Bleaching Then Tie-Dying Your Butthole
Bleaching your butthole is out. Bleaching then TIE-DYING your butthole is very in.
I Dressed Like Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater For A Week And I Still Can’t Kickflip
I guess this is one trick I was never meant to nail.
Designer Strap Ons: His Dick May Be Real, But Yours Is 9 Inches of Dior
Read on for the latest trends in dildo couture.
Glasses You’ll Look Hot In Provided You Are Already Hot
Want to look hot? Get a pair of glasses They’ll make you look hot. Especially if you’re already hot.
The Newest Spring Color Is Gray Because All The Plants Have Died
We might be living in a lifeless, barren wasteland, but it’s nothing a little color wouldn’t spruce up if we hadn’t killed every color but grey!
Six Spring Divorce Court Looks Guaranteed To Give Him Full Custody
If the nanny isn’t watching these kids YOU shouldn’t have to. Check out our divorce court wardrobe advice and make sure HE gets custody.
Get That Look: Grimace
Use this guide, and everywhere you go, people will think that you’re the real Grimace!
Ask A $715 Cashmere Beanie
You have questions, this luxurious cashmere beanie has answers. Everything from relationship advice to grooming habits, this cashmere beanie can help!
Hot Fashion Trend: Wearing Your Parents’ Underwear
Your mom’s sensible beige bra is going to look soooo good on you.
The Hottest Mid-Post-Winter-Pre-Spring Trends: 2019 Edition
Think about a heavy coat and also goggles.
7 Hot Jackets You Can Tie Around Your Neck Like A Cape
Congrats, you’re a superhero now. Off to save the day!
Elbows Are Out: Hinges Made of Lincoln Logs Are In
Not only are my Lincoln Log hinges fashionable they also make so many daily activities better. No longer do I have to worry about damaging my joints when I do yoga.
Check Out Our Winter Jumpers With Absolutely No Implications Of Blackface
Could you imagine if someone actually made a blackface jumper and sold it?
Redirect Your Anxiety Into Your Children To Make Them Stronger
Because why shouldn’t they learn from your fears?
These Winter Turtlenecks Will Make The Most Of Your Choking Fetish
Yes, if you long for a really fuzzy pair of hands around your throat these amazing winter turtlenecks are the perfect way to blend your kink with your couture!
I’d Quit My Fashion Job But I Love Dressing Rich People As Literal Dicks
For me, it started small. It was a beanie that looked like a dick.
Barney The Dinosaur On Shopping, Sex, And His Healthy Purple Glow
We’re all about the icons of the ’90s, and perhaps no one is more iconic of that simpler time than Barney the Dinosaur. We grew up alongside that taxonomically ambiguous purple creature, so it’s only natural that he also grew up alongside us. What you may not know (but, of course, we do, because we […]
The Hottest Snow Gear You Can Still Fuck In
We would never want to cramp your hump-pumping with the cruel reality of below freezing weather.
Chic Winter Dresses That Scream ‘AGGHHH I’M NOT A DRESS I’M ALIIIVE’
“YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME I’M REALLY ALIVE!” says the body-hugging gown…
If Your Shoes Aren’t Transformers, What The Fuck Is Even The Point?
I have goddamn robot shoes. What now?
How Many Patterned Prints Can You Layer Before You Upset Xxottlogyax?
Turns out Textile Gods are easily angered
Breast Milk Jewelry Is A Thing, But Why Stop At That Bodily Fluid?
There are so many more fluids to exploit!
Cute Purses That Won’t Hold Your Emotional Baggage
This third one definitely won’t help with your crippling social anxiety!
Which Thought-Reading Prevention Hat Is Right For You?
Nowadays, thankfully, there are many different kinds of hats that prevent thought-theft… too many, in fact.
Fall Trends: What’s In (Plaid!) And What’s Out (All Of Your Most Closely Guarded Secrets)
To make sure you don’t get caught dead with last year’s trends, here’s a round-up of what’s in and what’s out this fall.
Flowy Dresses That’ll Make Wind Go, ‘Whoosh! Me Wanna See What’s Under There!’
Nothing makes you feel more like a carefree woman with a bottomless bank account than a summer’s breeze brushing expensive fabric onto your freshly-waxed labia. But did you know that sometimes that laissez-faire sensual freedom can attract unwanted sexual attention? No, we’re not just talking about men—we mean something even more powerful. The weather! The […]
How To Dress Like A Boss When Your Boss Is A Dog Who Inherited A Fortune
Navigating the minefield of corporate America is tough for everyone, even celebrity lifestyle guest bloggers. I realized recently that I’ve gotten neither a promotion nor a raise, not even the customary 1.5% cost of living bump, in three years. Luckily, I figured out what I needed to do. I needed to start dressing like a boss. My […]
Buy All The Baggy Pants You’ll Need In 20 Years In Bulk Now
Fashion is cyclical. What used to be popular decades ago will be popular again. (Get ready for powdered wigs and not showering!) That’s why it’s crucial that you buy all the baggy pants you’ll need in 20 years in bulk now so you’re ready when they become popular again. Don’t think baggy pants could ever […]
PTA Fashion Essentials: How To Show The Other Moms You Rarely Get Day Drunk Anymore
I guess some people would claim it’s my own fault that the PTA moms don’t want me to hang out anymore. You wear one inside-out bikini to your daughter’s kindergarten graduation, and all of the sudden, it’s “I’m sorry, I already made plans for the weekend” and “Oh, we’re not inviting the whole class to Tegan’s […]
Color Of The Month: Begrudging Summer Camp Tie-Dye
As summer comes to a close, we find ourselves desperately grasping at its last wispy strands, before fall settles in and we have to wear real clothes again. That’s why this month’s color of the month is Begrudging Summer Camp Tie-Dye. Tie-dye was invented by baby boomers when they were adults and could appreciate the […]
Ball Wrinkles Are Out! Get Super Smooth Balls With These Testicle Wrinkle Treatments
Are your testicles smooth, fashionable add-ons or veritable Truck Nutz®? Balls are your body’s ultimate accessory, and you should care for them as such. Wrinkly testicles are SO OUT! You want your testicles to be shiny, spherical orbs for you and your partner(s) to enjoy. Here are some Bunny Ears–approved treatments that will get your […]
I Will Passionately Defend My Middle School Whispstache
Hello, concerned adults and classmates! I’m a man now. I’m sorry you feel so threatened by this that you need to pretend your problem is with my beautiful lip fringe. Being a man means I can wear the same underwear for two weeks, shout horrible slurs playing PUBG, and start rumors about Anya using special-order jumbo […]