Bungee Cord Bikinis For All Body Types And Nissan Cubes
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Bungee Cord Bikinis Anyone Can Wear, Whether You’re An Instagram Model Or A Nissan Cube

Bungee Cord

To end stressful and frustrating swimsuit shopping this year, we have narrowed down your options to the most stylish swimsuit on the market, the bungee cord bikini. From curvier frames to athletic body types, we’re helping to make sense of your endless swimwear options and will help pick the best ones to flatter your frame. It doesn’t matter if you are a human woman or a Nissan Cube, we have the perfect bungee cord bikini for you! Read on to get the experts’ dos and don’ts, find your bungee cord match, and never hate bikini shopping again!

We stay on the pulse of what is hot in the fashion world, and this summer is no exception. Bungee cord bikinis are a must-have this pool season and here are just a few reasons why.

1. It makes you look like you are trapped inside a soccer or fishing net.

2. It gives you tan lines to look like a panini.

3. It will pinch you a little bit to remind you that you are a woman and to be considered ‘in style’ you must endure a small amount of pain at all times.  Bungee CordBungee Cord

Now that we have covered WHY bungee cord bikinis are relevant and necessary, let’s talk body types. Not everyone may think bungee cord bikinis are for them, you may be thinking to yourself, “I am just a Nissan Cube, I don’t think I could rock one of those elastic spider webs.” But guess what?  YOU CAN!

Below I have broken down the proper way to wear the bungee cord bikinis based on body type!Bungee Cord

If You Are Small Chested

So, you’ve got itsy-bitsy-super-small-teeny-tiny-holy-crap those-are-little type boobs? No worries. Don’t feel self-conscious of your nearly invisible, definitely need a cup size under an ‘A,’ jeez-your-upper-chest-is-parallel-to-a-cutting-board sized breasts! Look on the bright side! A smaller chest requires less support! Hell yeah!  Make sure to look for bungee cord styles with embellished detailing, bows, bells, and advanced deceit to create the illusion of a larger chest.

Bungee CordIf You Are Pear Shaped

That’s right! Your body type is described as a food! The key to finding the perfect bungee cord swimsuit is balancing your proportions and getting the coverage you need. Your body is the same as the most prominently sexy women in history (J.Lo, Marilyn Monroe and Kim Kardashian,) yet somehow they get praised for their bodies and blogs still try to tell you how to conceal yours, hmm. Anyways, bungee cord bikinis are the way to go, you can probably pick literally any of them and they will look jammin’ on you. Have fun!

If You Are a Nissan Cube

So, you’re an automobile. Most likely you have a cubier frame, which means the key to happiness this summer in a bungee cord bikini is to highlight your corners while providing support and coverage. If you’re not keen on exaggerating your cubie-ness, then steer clear of elaborate hub cabs, which can accentuate your widest areas.  Throw on a bungee cord bikini and head out into the sun with glee!

Beep Beep! A car that only dudes who wear square glasses drive is coming through, AND confidently wearing a bungee cord bikini.

There you have it. The bungee cord bikini bible. I hope you found this helpful and will enjoy going out this summer looking like you just came from the ocean and an octopus latched on to you and you decided to make it fashion.  Instagram model, peasant, or Nissan Cube – bungee cord bikinis are yours to have! Enjoy. Happy summer!

Images via:  Forever21.com

Alexis Novak
Alexis Novak

Alexis Novak is a comedy writer living in Los Angeles. Her goofs can be read in Mad Magazine, Funny or Die, and @AlexisGirlNovak. Let her know if you need anything.

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