Who You’ll Bang In The Animaniacs Universe According To Your Sign

The Animaniacs Universe is as vast as it is epic, and there are many, many characters we’re sure you’d like to hump all the way to Looney Town. (Zort!) So without further ado, here’s who you’ll bang in the Animaniacs Universe—according to your sign.

Pisces

Dr. Otto “Scratchy” Scratchansniff. Is it his fatherly demeanor or his thick Austrian accent that gets you all riled up, Pisces? Actually, we don’t need to know. What we do know is you’ll definitely be into whatever the hell he does with Mr. Puppet Head in the bedroom.

Aries

Slappy Squirrel. Always up for a challenge, an Aries won’t shy away from banging the looniest veteran squirrel in the history of animated squirrels. Fitting, since your lovemaking can best be described as slapstick. She’ll be yelling, “Now THAT’S comedy!” every time you climax.

Taurus

Hello Nurse. “What?” a Taurus would defiantly proclaim. “She’s actually a genius with a string of prestigious accomplishments! In the comics she was a freaking secret agent!” Sure, Taurus. Nobody’s listening. Congratulations.

Gemini

Pinky AND The Brain. Your innate duality will only be appeased by banging both. Some might say you’re greedy, but really this comes down to a pathological indecisiveness. You should really work on that, Gemini.

Cancer

Chicken Boo. Oh Cancer, you beautiful adorable fool. You’re most likely to fall for Chicken Boo’s many elaborate disguises. Yes, we know you thought you were going to hump a Town Sheriff, and you know what? Don’t stop believing that. If that’s what gets you off, more power to you.

Leo

The Mime. You will loudly declare to anyone in earshot that you absolutely despise mimes, when deep down you’ve always wondered what it’d be like to make sweet love to one. In fact, it’s probably your life’s mission to get a mime to make some noise in the sack.

Virgo

The animated version of Steven Spielberg. Virgos consider most cartoons silly and foolish, so the animated version of Steven Spielberg is way more your style. You’re also the only sign who would actually want to have sex with Steven Spielberg in any form.

Libra

Mr. Skullhead, The “Good Idea/Bad Idea” Guy. Mr. Skullhead’s willingness to experiment is a real turn on for you, Libra. Who cares if those experiments end up with the two of you naked, getting chased down the street by an angry swarm of bees? It’s not like you haven’t been there.

Scorpio

Rita The Cat. Rita’s so sassy, she’ll make you cough up a hairball, Scorpio. Sure, she always brings Runt, but you’ve never minded an audience.

Sagittarius

The Godpigeon. Do we need to explain this, Sagittarius? You don’t have time to muck around with lesser characters. You go straight for the big brass. We can only offer you two words: translator optional.

Capricorn

Minerva Mink. She’s smug, she’s snobby, and she’s sexual up to the point of not being entirely appropriate for a children’s show. She’s right up your alley, Capricorn.

Aquarius

Death. Oh, Aquarius. You know full well that the day you meet the Grim Reaper is the day you’ll do him. Your fridge magnet probably puts it best: “I bone Death for breakfast.”

So that’s who you’ll bang in the Animaniacs Universe! Share with friends and family!

Images: Warner Bros