Zanandi also writes for Cracked.com and your dad, probably.
We bet there are still a few places that would gladly let you dine out in their back alley at no extra cost.
Welcome to the future.
What did I do to deserve this?
I hope they let me play myself in the movie version of this story.
For too long it’s been the norm to keep one’s sex shenanigans secret from thy neighbor. No more, we say. No more.
You’re welcome in advance!
I don’t know how it works, but it does!
From fruit rinds to vacuum packing!
Don’t tell us you’ve never thought about it.
Did you catch these blink-and-you’ll-miss it moments?
It will only lead to disappointment.
You’ll thank us when you’re dead.
He’s pushing 50. Show some respect.
Frankly, it’s unacceptable.
There’s a wealth of information in your butthole.
Nothing says empowerment like dangling a dumbbell from your vag.
It’s so easy!
What Disney doesn’t want you to know.
This has been a REAL disappointment.
Minerva Mink? Or perhaps the Godpigeon?
He’s a very good boy.
Please buy them. We beg you.
Here’s who our staff would most like to take to pound town!
It’s part 2!
We guarantee you’ll break the internet.
Oh, you think that’s dark, do you? Let me tell you what’s dark, my breezy bunny child.
What’s good for your body is good for your cooch too.
Because this is apparently what you guys want? Really?
We know you loved Dad, but we also know you love the environment more. Use this opportunity to teach everyone about the true beauty of upcycling.
We bought ourselves some gold-studded berets and launched a full-scale investigation. Yes, we were going to discover the true form of the French penis.
This is your special time! Turn every possible opportunity into your favor.
I can get so much done now!