Our Breeding Experiment Went Awry So Please Buy All These Gremlindoodles
Let the record show that we tried, dear readers. We tried our best to breed the most amazing, fluffiest pets in the history of both fluff and pets. That’s right. The greminlindoodle. Part gremlin. Part poodle. Alas, things went horribly awry. Our office has been all but destroyed, and the police still haven’t found Craig The Intern’s body. And on a slightly related note, we’re currently having a flash sale on gremlindoodles. Please buy them. We beg you.
Taking Care Of Your Gremlindoodle
What’s great about these snub-nosed abominations we bred into existence is the fact that we were able to alter some of the mogwai’s, uh, less desirable traits. Our gremlindoodles won’t multiply when wet, so you can at least give little Princess Furrsula a bath every once in a while. Just keep your gremlindoodle away from argan oil. Seriously. You do not want to see your pet literally poop out another pet. Or maybe you do. Please buy them.
And don’t worry: Our gremlindoodles won’t melt in the sun like some goddamn murderous ice cream cone. However, they are extremely sensitive to bright light, so we adjusted their eyesight. Granted, our gremlindoodles are pretty much blind now, but who doesn’t love watching a not-so-cuddly ball of terror clumsily bump into everything it doesn’t devour?
Give A Gremlindoodle A Home Today
Do we care that we’ve potentially destroyed the world by unleashing these furry little horrors on to civilization? Will we have sleepless nights, wondering if the downfall of society was all because we really wanted to know the exact limit of “don’t feed past midnight?” No. We refuse to take any responsibility for people who can’t take care of their gremlindoodles. We will not apologize for capitalizing on nostalgia, and we will not be held responsible for trying to tap into people’s insatiable love for animal hybrids.
Just keep Gizmo The Devourer Of Worlds away from the kids, okay?