Keto-Friendly Remedies for Keto Crotch

May 17, 2019 by , featured in Health
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We here at Bunny Ears are all about the best and healthiest diets, especially if those diets align perfectly with the principles of Mother Nature. The keto diet—a high-fat, low-carb diet consisting of meat, vegetables, eggs, dairy, and other foods only found in nature—fits neatly into this dietary system, though it does have some downsides. Reported side effects include smelly breath and, uh … smelly other things. Not to worry, our beautifully slim bunnies. We have assembled a list of keto-friendly remedies to help you combat that stinky keto crotch spinach smell emitting from your vagina.

Bathe In Coffee

So your keto crotch reeks of salmon and disappointment. Not everyone likes salmon, but everyone loves coffee! We recommend filling your bathtub with coffee and soaking for at least half an hour. Just make sure you soak in black, sugarless coffee, just like your diet recommends. Leave that dash of milk for your daily foot bath.

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Rub With Rose-Infused Pig Fat

Keto says fat is good, so if things aren’t too rosy down there, slather your vagina with some rose-scented pig fat. You can experiment with all kinds of aromas infused into a nice piece of fatty bacon—just make sure to test a sample on your skin first.

Wash Your Underwear In Cinnamon

Cinnamon is a fantastic smell, and it has no carbs or nutrients of any kind! Tell your laundry staff to throw some cinnamon sticks in with your washing, or just walk around with a cinnamon stick tucked inside your underwear. Just don’t put it straight into your vagina. Take our word for it.

Use Avocado Wipes

keto crotch

This will definitely keep things delicious down there! Just wipe yourself down with avocado peels before sex. Make sure to use either fresh peels or peels that you’ve frozen in advance—rotten avocado will only make things worse. If you’ve frozen a stockpile of peels, don’t forget to thaw them out. Have you ever gotten your tongue stuck to a frozen pole? Same principle.

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Consider Replacing Your Sex Toy With A Keto-Friendly Alternative

Brinjals and cucumbers are already part of your diet. Make them part of your sex life, too! Are you using jade eggs? Swap them for real eggs! What’s good for your body is certainly good for your cooch. Probably.

Go See A Doctor

keto crotch

If you develop any itching, burning, or redness, you might just have an infection or gotten one from our keto-friendly treatments. Antibiotics may not be from nature, but they are technically keto.

Images: Pixabay, Pixabay, Pexels, Pixabay, Pexels, Pexels, Pexels


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