The Best Jade Eggs For Summoning A Sex Demon

March 20, 2018 by , featured in Spiritual Wellness
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Hey Bunnies! By now most of you are well aware of the virtues of crystal healing — specifically how it can help clear out our negative emotional and physical energies, making way for more light and balance in our lives. And you’ve also likely read about (or even tried) the increasingly popular trend of clasping an egg-shaped jade stone in your yoni (or “vagina” as some people call it).

In case you missed it, the egg-shaped yoni stone can help you embrace your feminine power, as well as flush out any stagnated energy you’ve been holding onto in the lower regions of your body.

But what many still don’t know about these ancient healing crystals is that they can also be used to summon a sex demon. That’s right. An ancient, often-mischievous sex demon with an impish heart and a penchant for strife. Sex demons are great for harnessing our erotic vitality and helping us embrace our desires, guilt-free. And also for revenge.

Heads up, Amazon links on the page are affiliate links. So if you click them and buy stuff, we get some money. To learn more, check out our privacy policy!  Now, without further ado, here are seven jade eggs that will better help you conjure up that very demon.

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Nephrite Jade

Safe for insertion!

Nephrite jade is the densest form of the stone and has been used as far back as the Chinese imperial dynasties. While the sex demons these stones conjure aren’t necessarily the “sexiest,” they’ll get the job done.

Red Jade

Safe for insertion!

As you might expect, red jade typically brings forth the angriest of the sex demons. So summon at your own risk, and be prepared to renegotiate some personal boundaries.

Jadeite

Insertion not recommended!

Jadeite is a bluish-grey mineral formed in high pressure and low temperatures. Jadeite-spawned demons are best known for their general unruliness and love of cosplay.

Green Jade

Safe for insertion!

Green jade eggs are a wonderful choice for those times when you want to summon a sex demon, but don’t necessarily have the time and/or energy to fully control it. These demons are typically single-minded and listless, and will return to the bowels of the earth as soon as they’re no longer needed.

White Jade

Safe for insertion!

White jade conjures the purest form of sex demon. So get ready to get fucked.

Black Jade

 

Safe for insertion!

Black jade generally summons the most cunning of the sex demons, so this type of egg should absolutely only be used by the experienced conjurer. If you do happen to bring forth a demon using black jade before you’re ready, do not attempt to destroy the stone. Doing so will only make the demon stronger/sexier.

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Pink Jade

Safe for insertion!

Pink might seem like a “harmless” color, but don’t let that fool you. It can summon some of the strongest sex demons in existence — and sometimes multiple sex demons at once. Consider using pink jade during a large gathering, like a barbeque, a graduation party, or a gender reveal ceremony.

Helu Jade

DO NOT USE!

Do not use helu jade. We repeat. Do not use helu jade. Helu is technically a form of marble designed to look like jade, and using it in place of the actual stone will yield no results at best, and anger the sex demons (beyond your wildest beliefs) at worst. Also, if you do manage to summon a demon using your helu egg, odds are good it’ll just be really into peeing on you.

We hope this serves as a helpful introductory guide into the art of sex-demon conjuring. Go forth with love and clear intent. And remember: Never kink shame a sex demon.

Images: Amazon


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11 Comments

  1. Buyer beware: Probably none of these so-called “yoni eggs” ever actually hatch into a real yoni. I’ve tried incubating at least a dozen of them over the course of a year, and I’ve never hatched a single yoni from any of them. I did get two that apparently hatched into something called an M.B.O. (That’s at least what the doctor wrote on the medical form. )

    Trust me, M.B.O.s are nothing like yonis–more like a big pile of, just, crap–and they’re apparently very fecund. Both of mine were already developing eggs even before they’d been delivered. I think most of these places are just secretly selling B.M.O. eggs and calling them yoni eggs.

  2. Thank you for the info on the eggs. Do they really conjure up a sex demon? I would love to hear from some one that has had success.
    I truly want to have this experience.

  3. Thank you for the info on the eggs. Do they really conjure up a sex demon? I would love to hear from some one that has had success.
    I truly want to have this experience.

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