Toria Sheffield's work has appeared in places like Reductress, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, and The Huffington Post Blog. She's won the Gold Prize for Comedy in the Page International Screenwriting Awards, and once made a web series called "Lawyers in Space" that nobody "got." She lives to make you laugh, and also to eat carbs.
Our Plans To Glow Up The White House
And the president, vice-president, and several key cabinet members, too!
Horoscope: Which Type Of Flu Will Kill You When The Pandemic Hits?
With overpopulation, global travel, and not one, but several strains of drug-resistant superbugs already taking hold, it’s safe to say that you and everyone you know will die in a pandemic (soon). And if modern history has taught us anything, this pandemic will likely come in the form of classic influenza. But will you die of […]
What VD You Definitely Have Right Now Based On Your Zodiac Sign
This month’s Bunny Ears horoscope will tell you which venereal disease you have at this very moment while you’re reading this.
How To Make Bulletproof Mountain Dew
If you’re interested in wellness trends, you’ve most likely heard of Bulletproof coffee—A.K.A. adding healthy fats, like organic butter or ghee, to your daily cup of java. This slight adjustment to your morning routine allegedly fuels both your mind and body while also keeping you satiated longer, which means less potential for unhealthy snacking later […]
Which Third-Degree Felony You’ll Most Likely Die In Jail For Based On Your Star Sign
This month’s Bunny Ear’s free horoscope is all about which third-degree felony you’ll most likely die in jail for—based on your sign. A third-degree felony generally includes serious violent or nonviolent crimes, like assault and battery, elder abuse, driving under the influence, bribery, arson, fraud, and a number of drug-related offenses. Jail time can last […]
What To Do When You Shit Your Pants During Hot Yoga
It happens to the best of us: You wake up, head to your local hot yoga sesh, and promptly lose control of your bowels somewhere between cat-cow and child’s pose. Shitting your pants during hot yoga is not just normal, it happens remarkably often, according to a quick poll of the Bunny Ear’s L.A. office. You’re […]
These Prenatal Potatoes Pause Your Postpartum Depression
Both prenatal and postnatal self-care are vital when it comes to motherhood. The right foods, supplements, and healthful habits can make all the difference when your little one arrives, and this is perhaps especially true when it comes to avoiding postpartum depression. While there’s no one way to 100% guarantee that postpartum depression won’t happen […]
How To Throw An Engagement Party So Intimate Even Your Dad Will Get Pregnant
Most anyone who’s been married can tell you that your wedding day will be special, meaningful — and unfortunately — often impersonal. The bride and groom spend so much time graciously saying hello to each and every guest that, even though you talk to everyone, it feels like you connect with almost no one. Which […]
Fun False Idols To Worship This Summer
The days are getting longer, the sun is shining brighter, and summer adventures are just around the corner. For many of us, that means one thing: a whole new season of fun false idols to worship! Instead of spending your precious time on Earth devoting yourself to things like compassion, charity, or spiritual and/or religious […]
Turn Your Child’s Baby Teeth Into An Incredible Superfood That You Can’t Quit — Even If You Want To!
Chronic exhaustion is par for the course for the modern parent. Between work, childcare, and all the odds and ends of adulting, it can feel like life is one long “To Do” list. Which is why it’s critical to fuel our bodies. And it’s also why we’re thrilled to introduce you to a 100% natural […]
9 Unique Baby Names That Will Satisfy Your Bottomless Need For Attention
Choosing the perfect baby name is no easy task. Not only will the name you choose shape the impression others form of your child for the rest of their life, but the right name can bring you — the parent — endless amounts of much-needed attention. However, the wrong name, like, say, John or Madison, […]
Is Your Signature Scent Floral, Musk, Or Ham?
Finding a signature scent can be daunting. The fragrance you choose to wear on a daily basis is one of the first things others notice about you when you enter a room — and often what they’ll remember longest after you leave. So it’s key that your signature scent captures your essence. And because there […]
How To Make Peace With The Koalas Your Boss Hired To Cut Down On Overhead
Work is, well…work. Most of us would rather be doing almost anything else. But a paying job is also a necessary part of life for the vast majority of us humans, and the sooner we accept it, the more content we’ll become. Which is exactly why it’s critical that you make peace with the adorable […]
Fun Spring Manicures That Leave Clues to a Murder
Hey Bunnies! It’s that time of year again: The days are getting longer, the temperatures are rising, and you’re totally itching to break out a fresh new spring manicure. Plus, Detective Ramirez is circling ever closer to the unspeakable truth that only you know, but will never be able to bring yourself to say aloud. […]
Color of the Month: Indigo
This month’s Bunny Ears’ Color of the Month is indigo, but full disclosure, I’m technically color blind. You asked, and we delivered! That’s right. April’s Color of the Month is officially indigo. Although again, I’m severely color blind, and according to my doctors, don’t register anything in the blue/purple/green(ish) color families. But I’m really gonna […]
Horoscopes with a Horror Twist
Welcome to your monthly horoscope! Let this help guide you through the coming weeks in both your decisions and intentions. The sun is in Aquarius until the end of the month, which brings an abundance of protective energy — use it to your advantage! We’re serious. Aries: The Aries moon is in Libra, meaning there’s […]
The Best Jade Eggs For Summoning A Sex Demon
Hey Bunnies! By now most of you are well aware of the virtues of crystal healing — specifically how it can help clear out our negative emotional and physical energies, making way for more light and balance in our lives. And you’ve also likely read about (or even tried) the increasingly popular trend of clasping […]
People To Quietly Rage Against While You Pretend To Be Meditating
Hey, sometimes you just need a moment (or 20) to silently seethe with rage, aka a classic secret anger meditation. We get it! But in this world of endless d-bags, it can be super hard to choose exactly who to direct your bottomless anger meditation at. And that’s exactly why we’ve compiled this handy list […]
Does He Like You Or Does He Just Need Your Soul For A Spell?
We’ve all been there. The guy you’re crushin’ on is giving you totally mixed signals. Sometimes you feel like you’re definitely sensing a connection, and other times you’re convinced it’s all in your head. It’s the age-old question: Does he like you, or does he just need your soul to summon Khaos, the ancient Demon […]
What Your Sex Dreams About The Hamburglar REALLY Mean…
Sex dreams. We all have them. And while sometimes they’re totally self-explanatory (i.e: that steamy dream you had about the coworker you’ve been crushing on), other times they leave you with more questions than answers. In this case: What do my repeated, intensely sensual, and excruciatingly graphic sex dreams about The Hamburglar mean, and why […]
Magenta: The Manliest Of Colors
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…