What To Do When You Shit Your Pants During Hot Yoga
It happens to the best of us: You wake up, head to your local hot yoga sesh, and promptly lose control of your bowels somewhere between cat-cow and child’s pose. Shitting your pants during hot yoga is not just normal, it happens remarkably often, according to a quick poll of the Bunny Ear’s L.A. office. You’re relaxed, dehydrated, and likely full of matcha; there’d honestly be something wrong if it didn’t happen at least once in your life.
And when it does, don’t fret.
Much like stretch marks, breast milk, and menstrual blood, fecal matter is a natural and normal bodily process, and we should love and embrace it just as we would any other part of ourselves. It’s the completion of one of the most essential earthly cycles, as well as the perfect metaphor for our journey to self-discovery: We imbibe, absorb, and release that which no longer serves us, only to begin again anew (usually once a day, but up to three times if you’ve imbibed a lot of fiber).
In fact, the very first thing you should do once the shit leaves your body is thank the universal life force that you even can shit. Not everyone can, and it’s something for which to be grateful. Take a moment to really live in that gratitude. Observe how the excrement feels against your skin, the tickle as if drips downs your legs, and the warmth as it pools at your feet. Essentially, think of shitting your pants as free bleeding but with shit.
Then, take several long, deep breaths through your nose. Not only will this center your mind and increase clarity of thought, it will enable you to experience your shit through multiple senses. Think: What does my shit smell like? Are there elements of the hearty homemade stew you imbibed the evening before? Perhaps notes of the nutrient-rich beet smoothie you drank upon waking? Use this as a moment to recall—and appreciate—all the things you did to nourish your body that ultimately led you to this moment.
Finally, express that gratitude. Toss back your head, throw out your arms, and yell “THANK YOU!” Repeat it as many times as you need, and allow yourself to be overtaken by the ecstasy that comes from knowing your body has completed an ancient and necessary ritual. You may want to laugh, cry, or dance around the room, all of which you should definitely do.
There is, of course, a chance you’ll be greeted by a small degree of negativity from those less evolved. Perhaps someone asking “Are you all right?” or even “Ma’am, can you please go clean yourself up?” Should this happen, look them straight in the eye and tell them they should be ashamed of themselves. Then, forgive them in your heart, and resume child’s pose.
is it then any councidence that the word yoga is very similar to agoya. the easing of uncongealed fecal matter gliding toward the thigh, into/around the under-life and that resulting wet- rubberiness felt across the rump seems quite similar to the smooth incadescent not-wholly beautiful shimmer of agoya itself. but what do i know. i’ve only shat myself on lsd and i don’t recall so much about it, due to the trauma. this is based on a true 70’s story
Leave a comment