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…Big dick energy drink selling poorly…
…Opinion: I Have The Best Smile And Coolest Personality …
…Single Woman Manages To Meet Food Delivery Minimum…
…Gordon Ramsay Signed Beef Wellington Sells For 1.6 Million…
…Unusually Buff Dog Not Breaking Eye Contact…
…Quiz: Is This The Good Milk?…
…Shazaam not a real movie…Google it…
…Adult Hearing Mom Use Their Full Name Still Terrified…
…Am I standing right behind you? The answer might surprise you!…
…Opinion: We’re In A Golden Age Of Trash Talking…
…Scientists find that deja vu is just alternate timeline of you dying…
…Woman With Scoliosis Has Detailed Knowledge Of Floor-…
…Reported discovery of new planet turns out to be your mom…
…Half The World’s Bees Have Never Seen The Show Seinfeld…
…Man pretty sure Game Of Thrones is historically accurate…
…Email From Mom Has 4 FWDs In Subject Line…
…Breaking: Absolutely no one wang chunging tonight…
…Report reveals Rice-A-Roni actually from Detroit…
…Children May Be Stupider And Weaker Than Previously Thought…
…Dollars to donuts exchange crashing…
…Hurricane wipes out town of Duckberg…
…New Boyfriend Eats Imitation Crab Straight From The Package…
…Don’t Forget To Grab Milk…
…Hospital Cracks Down On Patients Getting Chemo For Fun…
…Survey finds startling amount of ghosts are racist….
…Fourth grade teacher found to be not as hot as you remember…
…Update: Only very tiny hats now cool…
…Violent Pokémon dispute sparks trade war…
…According to studies studying causes cancer…
…Drugs In Water Supply Treat Fish’s Depression…
…Breaking – There’s A Spider In Your Pocket…
…Chill Girlfriend Constantly Suppressing Everything…
…Woman Memorizes Snapple Fact In Case Tonight’s Party Is That Bad…
…Did Tupac fake his birth?…
…13th month discovered between February and March….
…Scientists Discover A Lot Of Cool Junk In Older Brother’s Room…
…According to studies accordions are unsteady…
…Confirmed: Everyone is hanging out without you…
… Michael Jordan Comes Out Of Retirement To Dunk On Angela Merkel…
…Research shows laughter definitely not the best medicine…
…Santa is real, and he lives in your crawl space….
…Study: Loss Of Car Leads To 1000% Catcalling Increase…
…Millennials Are Disrupting The Banjo Industry…
…A New Generation Of Turtles Are Learning Martial Arts…
…Local Couple Adopts Blind Dogs And Just Puts Them Down…
…Sugar daddy eaten by ants…
…Local white guy “gets it”…
…Man discovers woman already knows thing he was going to tell her….
…’Glow Up’ Discovered To Just Be DBZ Reference…
…6 Year Online Romance Ends In Weird Handshake…
…Against All Odds, Man Learns To Dance…
…Spoiler alert: The milk has gone bad…
…Single 32 Year Old Patiently Waits For Friends To Get Divorced…
…Your Dog Might Have A Secret Passport…
…Very smart toilet begs for death…
…Bunny Ears wins prestigious Bunny Ears website of the year award at the Bunny Ears Awards…
…Mother Struggles To Explain Scott Baio To Her Child…
…Help, I’m Trapped In A Headline Writing Factory. Details To Follow…

Ethically-Made Culturally Appropriative Halloween Costumes—Finally!

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve had a costume bucket list; things and people I’ve always wanted to be. But due to the rise of the PC police, keyboard warriors, and people with “ethics,” many of the costumes on my list are now considered offensive—or even straight up racist! I’m not here to offend anyone or make fun of other cultures. I’m here to celebrate those cultures by dressing up as them and treating them like magical, alien creatures. IT’S A COMPLIMENT.

Luckily, I’ve found a way to still cross off every costume on my list without losing a wink of sleep at night worrying about cultural appropriation. A new website I found on a deep-web proud boys forum has designed many of the costumes I seek. But in order to calm the fires of the intersectional feminists and their whacky agenda,  these costumes are made 100% ethically. (See? I’m a helper).

Take a look at all the fabulous ethically-made-yet-wildly inappropriate costumes below:

Native American Princess

This costume is deeply offensive to First Nations people, but that never stopped Cher or anyone at Coachella. The war paint portion (which is definitely an offensive detail considering traditional paint has deep cultural significants), is plant-based and biodegradable. Funds from this costume will go to teaching children that the Disney version of Pocahontas is the worst.

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Geisha

This costume is an American staple. However, it is also textbook appropriation and historically inaccurate. Thankfully, the white face paint is sourced from a special pigment from the bark of coniferous trees. All the paint is fair-trade certified, so don’t even worry about who it might offend, because you’re doing a good thing. However, if you’re feeling super guilty after purchasing this costume, go support a non-profit org that punches white dudes in the dick or something.

Hula Dancer

This costume is deeply insensitive to Hawaiians as it was illegal to practice Hula for many years. The grass for the skirt portion of this costume was grown in a community garden at a local liberal arts college. Each piece was woven together by work-study students looking to get an education at a reduced cost. So basically you’re supporting possible future ACLU lawyers and getting a rad sexy costume. WIN-WIN. TOTALLY WORTH IT.

Roma Woman

This costume is often labeled with a rude racial slur when you buy it off the rack. The good news is it was produced completely cruelty-free, and you’ll even get a lab-made crystal ball. So you can be sure to tell people no children or animals were harmed in the making of your morally egregious ensemble.

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Rastafarian

Now normally white people should not wear dreads, even as a costume…unless you’re wearing the above piece that’s 100% plant-based, fair trade, and biodegradable. These dreads are so good for the environment it would be against the liberal agenda not to wear them.

You’re welcome, PC America! Happy Halloween.

Images: Pixabay,  Pixabay, Pixabay, Pixabay, Pixabay

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