Productivity Tip: Perfect Is The Enemy Of Good, As Is Gozan The Annihilator!
By Gozan The Annihilator Whether you’re engaging in a creative endeavor, a self-improvement goal, or your nine-to-five job, you’ve likely grown up being told to do your very best. And rightly so. However, many people take this advice to the extreme, only to find their productivity paralyzed by the daunting task of getting things “just […]
This Is Face Yoga…I Swear
Hi Bunny Ears readers. As you know we like to have fun here from time to time but right now we need to get real serious. You might know me as a hilarious and probably your favorite comedy writer, but I also have a higher purpose in life. I’m a face yoga instructor. What is […]
Top Four Household Child-Killers
Everyone knows that electrical outlets, second-story windows, and common household dust can easily kill your child. But did you know that lurking in your house are literally hundreds of thousands of other deadly things you’ve never even thought about but can and will also definitely kill your children and/or pets? Well, there are. We here […]
Self Care Tip: Throw Yourself A Birthday Every Day This Year
With so many things to keep track of, what with your travel Instagram account and hiring someone to maintain your travel Instagram account, it’s easy to neglect the most essential thing in your life – yourself. That’s right, you are the most precious gift you’ve ever received, and if you don’t take the time to […]
Best Reasons To Stop Editing Your Text Messages
Have you ever noticed how much time is wasted writing a post or composing the perfect text message? Half the time you’re hitting the damn delete button, rewriting sentences that your phone tries to ruin by changing “fucking” to “ducking” and “seriously” to “seruslkljflskl” or whatever other bullshit tactics it has devised to destroy your […]
Celebrity Wellness Trends For The Dirt Poor
Celebrities: “they’re just like us”…. except for the buckets of moola they have to spend on their health and good looks. But don’t worry; just because you don’t drive a Maserati or spread caviar on your morning bagel doesn’t mean you can’t look fly AF. We’ve got three hot wellness trends that we’re gonna show […]
Pale Skin: How To Get That Perfect Porcelain Look
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Just so we’re clear up front: this not an article promoting all the virtues of being white. There’s already more than enough material out there to last a lifetime on that topic and if that’s what you’re looking for please see history books, any J. Crew outlet, Gary Busey, the current administration or the Winter […]
I Inject My Kids With Kindness – NOT VACCINES
In 2016, after my eighth round of IVF, I was finally blessed with my stunning designer triplets, Hayden, Kayden, and Dave. After becoming a mom, I started doing some hard soul-searching. What type of parent did I want to be? I was interested in combining parenting with the holistic, natural, and spiritual philosophies by which […]
Improve Your Child’s Immunity By Coughing In Her Face
Coughing directly in your child’s face is the ecological, non-toxic, and natural way to ensure they grow healthy immune systems.
Try This Irresistible, Sense-Delighting, Open Wound Salve
Open wound salves are a huge part of my everyday routine, which is why I know not all salves are created equal. In fact, most wound ointments not only sting when applied, but they come out greasy—and no one wants to get that oily mess on a loved one or sexual partner. I need the […]
What Your Period Is Trying To Tell You About The NASDAQ
In our culture, when we talk about the NASDAQ Composite, most traders tend to focus on how it is “gross,” “messy,” and “not as good as the New York Stock Exchange.” But there’s a lot more to it. And, like a lot of things, the key to unlocking the NASDAQ’s deepest secrets might actually be […]
“Real River Water Is All I Drink,” Crossfit Expert Piper Jackson
I Drink Water From A River. Hello. My name is Piper Jackson, and every morning I wake up and drink real river water. Yes, you read that right: I drink water from a river. River water- real river water– is the purest form of H2O you can get. There are no chemicals added to it, […]
How To Tell People You Have Herpes: With A Fresh and Fun ‘Herpes Reveal Party’
Acquiring oral herpes is one of the most exciting periods in life, and one of the most thrilling moments in this very special journey is sharing the good news with your family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors. People used to just find out they had herpes at the doctor, and that was it. Over the past few […]
bunnyglow: The Radioactive Drink That Makes You Radiant
Here at Bunny Ears, we know that keeping up the required skin care routine is a real time investment. By law, the time we spend cleansing, toning, moisturizing, massaging, milking, praying, ritual dancing, and on and on can feel like such a waste. We’d much rather spend that time growing our careers and spending time […]
I Replaced My Leg Tendons (For Yoga) And Now My Leg Is Haunted
I just wanted to do one freaking pose but now I have to deal with ghosts?
3 Best Places To Lay Your Eggs This Spring (And 4 You Shouldn’t!)
Wake up, you actual bear who has been sleeping for months. Bet you’re hungry.
Love Yourself So Much It’s Inappropriate In Public
Love yourself like you recently met yourself, have been dating successfully for a month and have been banging yourself nonstop.
Transform Your Body By Getting Into This Machine And Not Asking Any Questions
Have you ever looked at your human body and thought “Ew, this lumbering carcass that encases my intellect is much too large and bothersome”? Well, with my revolutionary three-step method, you’ll see the pounds melt away in just three minutes. Many advertisers promise to give you less body quickly and with minimal effort, but no […]
If You Love Your Daughter, You Will Hire A Menstrual Coach
This article has been sponsored by the Association of Accredited Menstrual Coaches. The road to womanhood can be a terrifying and perilous journey. If you want your daughter to survive menarche with her fragile adolescent mind in tact, you must hire a menstrual coach. What are menstrual coaches? They’re an organization of professionals licensed to […]
Old-Timey Car Horn Sounds To Make During A Breast Exam
A simple AYOOGA or BLEEP BLEEP can make all the difference.
I Only Ate Kid Cuisine For A Week And This Is What Happened
For centuries, man has searched for the answer to eternal youth … and now some Croatian Pilates instructor has found it! Apparently, the key to defying the natural aging process is none other than a coveted culinary sensation that took the ‘90s by storm. That’s right: Kid Cuisine. Like the boundary-pushing trendsetter that I am, […]
I Shouldn’t Be Charged For The Hotel Room I Destroyed Doing Rage Yoga
I know I destroyed that hotel room. But you can’t persecute me for participating in rage yoga. I will contest this outrageous bill.
Return To The Pagan Roots Of Easter By Shooting Eggs Out Your Vag
And the eggs are hard boiled, so brunch is served!
How To Stop Calling Your Personal Trainer At 3AM To Yell JUST LET ME BE FAT BRAD
Having a personal trainer is great but who likes working out? Why move your body around like a poor building rocks for money or whatever when you could just wait for a sexy android body to come on the market someday? It’s tough; the urge to call your personal trainer at 3AM to screech JUST […]
Get Your Strongest Core Ever With Nonstop Crying!
Some call it “Sob Crunches” while others like myself prefer “Exer-crying”.
How To Get All Those Toxic Metals Out Of Your Blood With A Magnet Cleanse
Have you been feeling sluggish lately? Are you finding it more and more difficult to keep your brunch dates, or even make it to dog yoga on time without damaging your pooch’s sleep cycle? Well the reason for your leaden behind is exactly that – lead. That’s right – as you read this, countless toxic […]
We Made 6 Acupuncturists Sleep On A Bed of Nails for A Night
We are acupuncture diehards. We even have an on-site acupuncturist here in the Bunny Ears offices named Jennifer Chen (hi Jen!) ready to skewer our allergies away with a precise strike to our acupoints at the first sign of a runny nose. So we brought her into our usual Tuesday ayahuasca editorial meeting to pitch […]
No, Your Dried Up Y2K Survival Kit Will Not Protect You From Vampires
How many times must we tell you?
I’m Furious That Bunny Ears Used My Picture in an Article about Micropenises
When Bunny Ears used a stock image of my face in an article about micropenises, I thought my life was over. It was only just beginning.
We’ve Discovered an All-Natural Vaping Alternative Called ‘Tobacco’
This amazing new tobacco plant is all-natural and therefore must be healthy. Right?
I Keep Accidentally Going To Spin Classes That Turn Out To Be Cleverly Named Laundromats
I ended up leaving after they finished playing “You Spin Me Right Round (Like A Record)” by Dead Or Alive for the sixth time. Is this all they play at this place, like, constantly on loop?
I Am NOT Trying To Cook You In This Ramen Noodle Bath
No, I’m not going to cook you in this soothing ramen noodle bath, dangit. And frankly, I’m offended you would even ask that.
How To Surreptitiously Moisturize Your Husband
Is your husband’s skin dry, cracked, or scaly? Here’s some sneaky, virtually fool-proof ways to get that man to moisturize.