I Replaced My Leg Tendons (For Yoga) And Now My Leg Is Haunted
I just wanted to do one freaking pose but now I have to deal with ghosts?
3 Best Places To Lay Your Eggs This Spring (And 4 You Shouldn’t!)
Wake up, you actual bear who has been sleeping for months. Bet you’re hungry.
Love Yourself So Much It’s Inappropriate In Public
Love yourself like you recently met yourself, have been dating successfully for a month and have been banging yourself nonstop.
Transform Your Body By Getting Into This Machine And Not Asking Any Questions
Have you ever looked at your human body and thought “Ew, this lumbering carcass that encases my intellect is much too large and bothersome”? Well, with my revolutionary three-step method, you’ll see the pounds melt away in just three minutes. Many advertisers promise to give you less body quickly and with minimal effort, but no […]
If You Love Your Daughter, You Will Hire A Menstrual Coach
This article has been sponsored by the Association of Accredited Menstrual Coaches. The road to womanhood can be a terrifying and perilous journey. If you want your daughter to survive menarche with her fragile adolescent mind in tact, you must hire a menstrual coach. What are menstrual coaches? They’re an organization of professionals licensed to […]
Old-Timey Car Horn Sounds To Make During A Breast Exam
A simple AYOOGA or BLEEP BLEEP can make all the difference.
I Only Ate Kid Cuisine For A Week And This Is What Happened
For centuries, man has searched for the answer to eternal youth … and now some Croatian Pilates instructor has found it! Apparently, the key to defying the natural aging process is none other than a coveted culinary sensation that took the ‘90s by storm. That’s right: Kid Cuisine. Like the boundary-pushing trendsetter that I am, […]
I Shouldn’t Be Charged For The Hotel Room I Destroyed Doing Rage Yoga
I know I destroyed that hotel room. But you can’t persecute me for participating in rage yoga. I will contest this outrageous bill.
Return To The Pagan Roots Of Easter By Shooting Eggs Out Your Vag
And the eggs are hard boiled, so brunch is served!
How To Stop Calling Your Personal Trainer At 3AM To Yell JUST LET ME BE FAT BRAD
Having a personal trainer is great but who likes working out? Why move your body around like a poor building rocks for money or whatever when you could just wait for a sexy android body to come on the market someday? It’s tough; the urge to call your personal trainer at 3AM to screech JUST […]
Get Your Strongest Core Ever With Nonstop Crying!
Some call it “Sob Crunches” while others like myself prefer “Exer-crying”.
How To Get All Those Toxic Metals Out Of Your Blood With A Magnet Cleanse
Have you been feeling sluggish lately? Are you finding it more and more difficult to keep your brunch dates, or even make it to dog yoga on time without damaging your pooch’s sleep cycle? Well the reason for your leaden behind is exactly that – lead. That’s right – as you read this, countless toxic […]
We Made 6 Acupuncturists Sleep On A Bed of Nails for A Night
We are acupuncture diehards. We even have an on-site acupuncturist here in the Bunny Ears offices named Jennifer Chen (hi Jen!) ready to skewer our allergies away with a precise strike to our acupoints at the first sign of a runny nose. So we brought her into our usual Tuesday ayahuasca editorial meeting to pitch […]
No, Your Dried Up Y2K Survival Kit Will Not Protect You From Vampires
How many times must we tell you?
I’m Furious That Bunny Ears Used My Picture in an Article about Micropenises
When Bunny Ears used a stock image of my face in an article about micropenises, I thought my life was over. It was only just beginning.
We’ve Discovered an All-Natural Vaping Alternative Called ‘Tobacco’
This amazing new tobacco plant is all-natural and therefore must be healthy. Right?
I Keep Accidentally Going To Spin Classes That Turn Out To Be Cleverly Named Laundromats
I ended up leaving after they finished playing “You Spin Me Right Round (Like A Record)” by Dead Or Alive for the sixth time. Is this all they play at this place, like, constantly on loop?
I Am NOT Trying To Cook You In This Ramen Noodle Bath
No, I’m not going to cook you in this soothing ramen noodle bath, dangit. And frankly, I’m offended you would even ask that.
How To Surreptitiously Moisturize Your Husband
Is your husband’s skin dry, cracked, or scaly? Here’s some sneaky, virtually fool-proof ways to get that man to moisturize.
Charitable Pooping Is A Thing And Allow Me To Explain
Ever feel like you’re letting your poops go to waste? Have you ever considered dropping them on the doorstep of people who may or may not need them?
Our Festival Season Guide To The Most Luxe Antibiotics
Our hot new antibiotics primer let’s you get the most out of this year’s music festival without looking like a basic penicillin loser.
Fuck Your Tree The Way It Deserves To Be Fucked This Arbor Day
Show your tree how much you love it…physically.
Things To Do With The Scarabs That Keep Crawling Out Of Your Mouth
Stop spitting them into the garbage and do something useful with those beetles that emerge from your mouth for inscrutable reasons.
We Hired An Expert To Smell Our Farts
We believe in being introspective and learning about ourselves. That’s why we hired serious professionals to smell our farts.
Fresh Herbs To Plant In That Indent Left By Your Waistband
Time to roll up your sleeves, roll down your waistband, and tend to an indent herb garden of your own.
Swimming with Lobsters Might Be The Key to Curing Anxiety
“As I waded into a murky backyard pool in Long Beach, California, I felt that familiar tightening in my gut. My anxiety was rearing its ugly head, reminding me that I have an ever-present passenger. I continued forward, my lonely thighs now fully submerged, and felt a pinch. Then two more. I was not alone […]
The Best Anti-Aging Secret Is Still A Portrait That Grows Old For You
You’ll look fabulous—no matter how many atrocities you commit!